WORDS HURT: especially from the people we love

It's been said several times that words hurt, sticks and stones may break the bones but words crushes this soul. This happen especially when the words come from the people we love and care about. It could be a parent, sibling, partner or freind. The impact of words are surprisinly enduring. children don't forget hurtful words easily, especially when it comes from their parents or teachers at school, even as adults we can't escape the hurts that come from verbal aggression of the people we love.

It can take one word to make or break someone and as such we should be careful with the words we say to people. As humans, we've all said mean and hurtful words to people out of anger and sometimes hurt, this is triggered by the production of adrenaline to "fight" when the brain senses threat or danger. The effect of things we say at this time could cause long lasting damages and scars on the person said to even though we actually didn't mean those things most times.

Words are used as much as facial expression to express emotions and communicate and throughout our lives we've received devaluing, rejectful and hateful words from some people we've come across, yet, the ones that leave scars are the ones who come from the people we love. Somehow, our memory takes clear records of the words that inflict pains and this could lead to lack of trust for the other person's love and affection towards you. This is involuntary as most times, the words unconsciously echoes through the other person's mind whenever thoughts of you arises.

TYPES OF WORDS THAT HURTS

1. Devaluing: this takes out value and importance from everything a person does, it is used to diminish, discredit and subratct value from a persons entire essence and personality. They can be really mentally and emotionally destructive. This could be a word like "She has always been better than you or I can't have anything serious to do with you".

2. Rejection: this could either come from a family member, partner or friend, it makes a person feel unwanted and incapable of being accepted and loved.
   This could sound like "You are not the type of friend I want or you don't behave like everyone else in this family, you are an outcast".

3. Deconfirmation: This type of communication aims to nullify the other person completely. This one seeks to ignore, to numb a person's feelings, importance or presence, It doesn’t matter if the partner is by the side of the person they love; they will be treated like an empty space, as if they didn’t exist.

4. Disqualification: this completely utters a person's ability to do anything, it makes a person feel unworthy or incapacitated. It invalidates and degrades a person's existence. Most words like "you are the most awful person on earth".

HOW TO CONFRONT HURTFUL WORDS

Sometimes, some people lack the ability to make emotional confrontations, lack respect and recognition. The first tool to every communication should be respect and willingness to understand but sadly, some people lack this tool.

Always remember that when people say hurtful words to you, it had nothing to do with you but rather, it says a lot but their own personality. Never let your guards down because of someone else's inability to input respect and empathy during a conversation.

Communicate how you feel try to make the other person understand how hurtful their words are to you and how much you'll love it if they try to be considerate about your feeling before making certain statements.

Distance yourself if after communicating how hurt you are with their words and they seem unrepentant or still go on with the same pattern, distance yourself from them, such people are toxic to your emotional and mental health.

How to avoid saying hurtful words to someone in a fit of anger

Since hurtful words are said mostly when one is angry, try to avoid saying things until you are calm and have thought properly about the misunderstanding, don't use hurtful words as a form of revenge on someone else even if the other person does it first, try to get away from the environment until you are both calm enough to settle your differences.

N:B learn to forgive and not to read much meaning into those hurtful words, even without an apology from the other person, the best way to feel less unhunted by the words is by forgiving and understanding.