Writing Fiction novels - a progression 5

in #writing4 years ago (edited)

I have a few more stories to share with you. Unfortunately, they're all in an unfinished state - but I really would like to finish them.

Because the experiment with Ash's story went so well, I'd like to continue it. I know I'm sort of doing that with Daughters of Le Fey, but I don't want to inflict my teachings on you too much (I don't want to sound like I know everything there is to know about editing. The truth is, I don't).

BUT, if I share a snippet of these stories with you, I can get a little feedback on what you guys like best out of them all.

Pictures from Google Free to Use and Pixabay Images

Here's the fifth - Children of Sol - no cover...

Children of Sol

The vampires went to their enforced rest for the daylight hours. Little did they imagine that when they awoke nothing would ever be the same again.

Decimation of the vampire covens was swift, brutal, bloodless, violent and unavoidable.

Ancient ones, revered and learned ones were destroyed.

Weak, new vampires were blinked out in an instant and so were the strongest, most ruthless and indefatigable vampires that ever stalked the earth. They were gone in one daytime. The void left by the absence of their shared voices over the Bloodlink was deafening in its silence.

Some of those that were left gave themselves to the sun because of the unbearable silence but those that survived felt something more. Not only did a deep serenity that they had never realised could be theirs descend upon their minds, so did the weight of the responsibility that had passed to them.

In one day their whole history had been wiped out, their council, the rulers, the wise and knowledgeable – all gone. Until the survivors rediscovered the archives where the ancient tomes were stored, the records of vampire history were effectively vanished.

Those that were left would have to make their own way for a time. They could each hear the faint and forlorn voices over the Bloodlink but had no idea who the others were or where they were. They could be scattered across the globe for all they knew and it could take months, if not years to find every one of them.

As it turned out, they were not so very far flung.

Sol is his name.

He is one god amongst many but he is one of the most beautiful and powerful. It is at his word that the sun – giver of life on the planet Earth – rises each morning. He is the one who has had most to do with humans and it is because of his interaction that they are named after his benevolence. Children of Sol have always been his main concern and the game that the gods play, sometimes at the expense of humans, is not such a game to Sol. He takes it seriously and does his very best to ensure that they survive everything that is thrown at them.

Sol first saw the human creatures on the first sunrise across the planet. The gods had gathered to watch his wondrous creation. He had promised a wonderful display and he did not like to disappoint. They stood at the top of the highest mountain on the planet and looked to the east. The sky turned from deepest black through deepest blue and on through an array of beautiful colours the like of which had not been seen.

“Sol, this is breathtaking!” Luna said as she grasped his hand.

He looked at her with an expression of tenderness and leaned forward to brush his lips against hers. Then he brushed a solitary tear from her eyelashes. He flipped his wrist to shake the droplet from his finger and where the droplet landed, a spring bubbled from the ground.

When it had created a pool, the spring water found its own level and cascaded over the edge of the plateau down, down onto the rocks far below them.

The sun broke over the horizon to the collective gasps from the gods. They appreciated the beauty of the scene and congratulated Sol on his creation.

“We all had a hand in this, I am just throwing light onto the subject so that we may see the game board,” he said.

Flora and Fauna, the twins, gave a delighted giggle and pointed - one with her left hand and the other with her right hand - down to the plateau. Luna's river crept along the valley floor and their work flourished because of the water.

The gods looked and could see things moving on the ground. Fauna jumped up and down in her unrestrained excitement. “Flora! It worked! Our idea worked!”

Sol looked to where they had pointed and the array of vegetation – Flora’s work of course – partially hid what they were so exuberant about. Then he saw.

Animals of all shapes and sizes emerged from the burgeoning forest and made their way outward towards new and virgin lands.

“How will you control the spread of the creatures? Will they overwhelm the land and eat everything?” Atlas spoke in his deep rumbling voice and everyone was compelled to listen.

“I have already thought of that,” Oceana said. Her voice was soft and soothing. “I shall divide up the land into pieces.”

They watched in fascination as the animals wandered off or stayed where they were to graze and explore.

The twins were still in a state of excitement and Sol wondered what they were up to. Then he saw it, the first tentative steps taken by the first humans. They came out of the forest naked and went in similar directions as the other animals had.

Sol gasped and was as delighted as the twins. “What are they?”

“We call them human,” Flora and Fauna spoke together.

It was the start of an endless fascination for Sol. He adored them on sight.

The game was left to grow and mature over time. The gods kept their eyes on the world and saw what was happening but the game was not fully-fledged yet and the rules were indistinct.

Luna saw the first problem arise in the form of a Demi-god that had been created as an experiment of sorts. Lilith was her name and Luna had taken a dislike to her from the moment she had seen her.

Lilith was beautiful of course. Her black hair tumbled over her shoulders in constant movement even when she was still. It was lovely to watch at first but after a while, Luna became nauseated by the undulating mass. It reminded her of writhing serpents and that in itself gave an indication of Lilith’s true nature. Luna would never trust her.

Lilith had asked for permission to go down onto the game board and perhaps out of curiosity, perhaps for spite, she was given permission by Lucifer and before any of the other gods knew she had asked, she was gone.

Lucifer watched with great interest.

Lilith preferred the night, she worked best in darkness and shadows and perhaps it was because the night was Luna’s domain that she chose that time, perhaps it was a coincidence.

Lilith soon found her niche in the world of man – she chose to seduce the mortals.

Of course the gods thought nothing of Lilith’s interaction with the human occupants of the planet they had made. She wasn’t harming anyone as far as they could see. Only Luna and Lucifer watched closely – one for fear of what Lilith was capable of and the other in anticipation.

Lilith was creating her own game pieces and she was adding them into the game. The progeny she created numbered in their millions and at first they were weak and perished easily. As she became more skilled, more and more survived and went on to create their own.

Lilim they were called, children of Lilith - succubus, incubus, harpy and jinn were spawned from the somnambulant coupling between Lilith and her prey. She delighted in her work, seducing men until they were weary and sometimes so exhausted that they succumbed with relief to their death.

Lilith knew how she had made her progeny, of course she knew. She took delight in seducing beautiful young men but the greatest amusement was taken in the exploitation and despoilment of those who had sworn to devote their lives and therefore, their souls to the worship of their gods – her gods. The vow of celibacy was taken as a direct challenge to her prowess and though the devout men had no idea that they had been put into a battle for their virtue, she attacked and defeated them in a world outside of their usual domain – the dream state.

The products of those battles were different however. Instead of jinn, succubus and incubus, the progeny from the devout and pious humans were nothing like her other ‘children’. Instead, the unborn progeny of pious young men who were pure in heart and deed and who were revolted by their night time seductions issued forth to be equally revolted.

The spilled seed that she drew from those young men was different and therefore the end result, the Lilim took their piety from their fathers, she shunned them as abhorrent to her. When she found out at last that the progeny she spawned with the virtuous and pure of thought were equally as pious and chaste as their fathers, she was disgusted.

She put aside her nightly wanderings in pursuit of debauchery and seduction and she went instead on a killing spree that decimated the millions of those anomalies she had accidentally created. When she was satisfied that she had destroyed the vast majority, she resumed her debauchery of the ordinary, sinful humans.

The survivors of her destructive sprees were left to develop on their own and without her malignant influence to guide their deeds; they took after their pure fathers and were repulsed and disgusted by their mother’s antics.

Sol eventually saw what was happening to his favoured humans. He grew angry; she was summoned before the council of gods.
She was compelled to attend because they were the creators. She stood before them defiant and disrespectful. She thought that they could not punish her, she knew that she was too powerful to be destroyed, she was one of a few Demi-gods that had been created before humans and she assumed that she was strong enough to strike out on her own, without the need to follow the directives of the creators.

She didn’t have the sense to quake with fear even as the voices reverberated around her.

“You have set yourself in defiance of our laws, Lilith. What do you say to the charge of disobedience?” the gods spoke as a collective from the distance and yet close to her, as though they were also right by her side.

Lilith took her time in answering. She looked around, trying to figure out if they were on earth or in the gods’ realm. The first jolt of fear came when a clap of thunder made the very air vibrate to the extent that it caused her physical pain as her very essence was shaken violently.

She gathered her composure, however and glared with petulant resentment at the inconvenience she was being put to.


Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.

- Albert Einstein

@michelle.gent. thank you for always sharing. Still reading......................

Awesome, thank you :)

Hello my dear friend))) It's very interesting and exciting))) Now I want to continue))) Many thanks)) I wish you a good day and creative creativity))

I have one more story to bring to Steemit.com and then there will be the vote on which I should proceed with.

It's wonderful))) I wish you success))

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Love this - I'm fascinated by the stories of Sol and Lillith! I hope to read more about them, and the other Gods, too!

Yes... I have to give my head a shake and get sorted out with at least one of these.

You know that as long as you keep posting the starts of new stories, I'm gonna keep saying "yup", don't you? This one would be towards the top of the list.

A very nice start, I will wait for the next, and then decide which one I like the best, that is going to require some careful thinking about as to which one I would choose to read, so I hope you give us a few days to re-read, and think them all over.

Before I make my mind up, I shall read all the drafts. Hmmm.