Being BITCHY is The New Black?
I have come across this interesting phenomena during the past years:
Nasty / rude people who are proud of their bitchyness.
By this social -or should I say antisocial behavior I refer to some people, who for example might oppose to norms and rules of social life, who can be less willing to associate with others (in a normal way), and often act very unfriendly toward others, at least if they don't benefit from acting nicely, or like the other person. On top of that they turn the perception of the acceptable way of treating others upside down in their heads, feeling somewhat proud of their rude nature. And don't think that I mean it isn't okay to be introvert or enjoy spending your time alone and not being the social butterfly -that's perfectly normal, okay and acceptable! I'm talking about people who do have the social skills and knowledge to behave in a decent manner, but who often choose to be rude and are not shamed of showing their dislike or spite toward others. Who resent others and often think they are above other people. I might generalize a bit just to make my point, so don't get huffy. It is inevitable that at some point of your life you will meet a person (or people) who you don't like or with who you can't get along with, but I think it's totally unnecessary to repeatedly show your dislike to them through your actions and comments.
I've heard some people defending themselves and their mean behavior with arguments like "I am like this (bitchy, selfish etc.) and you just have to accept it" and attitudes that suggest that being a bitch is the new cool. This makes me wonder how the hell do people think it's okay to justify their bad behavior by claiming themselves bitches/douchebags or why would they even want to do that?! Like I said, sometimes it feels like they are even proud of acting mean and I don't get it. Being mean is behavior that you can -and in my opinion should want to regulate, so for me it doesn't make sense why somebody would like to blame their persona for that and just happily continue acting that way. I mean, knock knock, is anybody there??? Of course it's healthy to recognize different sides of your persona and it's desirable to know who you are, but excuse me for asking -since when it's been cool to take in and accept yourself as a bitchy and mean person, instead of wanting to work on yourself and improve those qualities?! Why are some people happy like that -treating others like garbage? And why do some people feel okay to share their impolite thoughts and opinions about other peoples lives or fuck around with others on a daily basis? Does it make them feel good? Is it that they feel better about themselves, if they make others feel bad or in some cases worse than they already feel, by being a prick? In most cases pestering stems from ones indisposition and insecurity, or is the only way the person has learnt to act in a social situation. However in this case it's like they choose to be dicks and have the perception it's cool.
Having said all this, I understand that sometimes it's hard to act politely or friendly, especially if you loose your temper (or have a hasty temper in general). You might end up shouting disrespectful things to others if your emotions run high and take the power of you/your behavior. This has happened to me in a situation where I felt hurt and violated and which provoked feelings of injustice in me. I know it's normal to act immaturely every now and then, without being able to control your feelings and say or do things that you end up regretting and feel ashamed later. But I think precisely this, is the main difference between normal and in a way "acceptable" bad behavior versus the bitchy, bad attitude described above: the recognition that this kind of behavior IS NOT okay, the desire to learn to control your emotions better and show them in a more constructive way, and the willingness to treat people respectfully and politely on a daily basis even if you don't like them. Some might think it's two-faced to hide you dislike and try to understand others even though you think they don't deserve it, but I think it's socially correct and takes you further than disgracing others (openly).
Am I being too soft and blue-eyed believing in good and thinking kindness is what you should go for? Have you encountered this kind of behavior and what do you think about what I just described? I know there's someone thinking I'm such a wimp. That someone might be signing up this "I'm a bitch and it's okay"-attitude… I suggest you think again -is being a bitch (or douchebag/dickhead/asshole, choose whatever) really how you wanna profile yourself? Is it how you want to be described and remembered? I think the mean girl-attitude or bullying others openly is sooo last season.
I flag for kindness!
By Lorie Shaull from Washington, United States [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kindness,_Caring_For_Each_Other,_Thursday_evening_rally_against_Trump%27s_%22Muslim_Ban%22_policies_sponsored_by_Freedom_Muslim_American_Women%27s_Policy_(31740334083).jpg)], via Wikimedia Commons
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We all are bitches of life.
What I've found helping myself in the life is that some people can be nice people even if we don't get along together. Because in quite many cases I can find myself with people who really don't like me, I don't take it too personally because I'm trying to think we can never get along perfectly with everyone - and this is just one of those cases.
Thanks for your opinion. I have noticed it too; some being nice just for cooperation and that is totally okay. It's a basic skill to behave well with others if you must be around them and I don't blame anyone for that or take it personally. Of course there's people who I don't like much too, but try my best being polite and nice when we "have to" meet.
But that was actually not my point here -I meant to describe you people, who aren't afraid to highlight the fact that they are "bithes" or what ever they want to call themselves and actually treat people they don't like mostly badly. It almost feels like they put themselves above others when they think it's their right to pick other or even discredit them.
I think many people just don't realize that they act bitchy or disrespectful. They do it unconsciously, but it does not remove the responsibility from them. I think another problem is a little self-confidence they have, all bullying stories are like that. And another thing is the measure and understanding of norms and what is okay and okay. These "okays" are different for different people.
It's true that some might express theirselves rudely by accident, but I meant those people who realize how they act and don't care other peoples feelings or even worse; are proud of being bitchy. You know the type? This behavior can be bullying but it can also be for example kind of "harmless" picking which is disguised as humor, but is actually insulting and not okay..
"And another thing is the measure and understanding of norms and what is okay and okay. These "okays" are different for different people." This might be related to that kind of beahivior I described..
It sounds like you're the one getting your feelings hurt. Maybe the problem is within you and not their problem at all.
Sounds like you are overly worried that they can accept who they are and are upset because they are not carbon cut outs like most people who pretend to be nice and smiling when they don't like you.
People who speak their mind are 100% more trustworthy than those who just act like everyone else to fit in. Fuck yeah, Bitchy is the New Black and we need more of it.
Luckily I have learnt to ignore most of the nasty comments as I know some people just say things kinda like as a habit. So 99% of the times I don't get hurt.
Though my point is, it could and will hurt some, so why do some people act like that even when they know it does? Eventhough they could change their behavior just a bit and still express their thoughts honestly. I don't ask anyone to try to fit in if that's what you're calling it, I'm just saying it's not so black and white.
If the entire world agreed and all treated each other the same we would completely fall as a species. There would be no expression, no drive and a bunch of nothing. Differences are the best we can hope for, they give people passion and purpose.
Why should anyone alter their way of living to make others feel good?
Most people don't do anything to deserve being treated in a good manner, doing so just because it may make them feel nice is a horrible mistake. People should accept people as they are. If they were being racist or sexist, I could get behind your side, but if they are just not nice enough for you, it is 100% your issue to get over not theirs to change how they behave.
I believe in this: treat people the way you want to be treated. I can't see how The World or our species would fall apart on that. You can still be yourself; different, unique and have opinions. It doesn't either mean that you have to be happy and jolly all the time.
So I try my best to treat others well and in general have good manners, which sometimes includes in a way censoring my most intuitive thoughts, because telling/showing acrimoniously what I think wouldn't carry things forward or help anyone. It would just hurt people. I don't think it's two-faced or dishonest, or doesn't mean that there's no expression or drive. It's just that in my opinion it isn't so black and white when it comes to communication, manners, respecting others, choosing your words etc. (hide everything/pretend vs. let the cat out of the bag in every situation).
You think that people need to deserve being treated in a good manner. In a way I agree on this. Although I don't think you should automatically treat them badly if they haven't (yet) earned your respect. I'm not sure if you meant it like that, but sounds like there are two ways: treating people well only if they deserve it OR being rude etc. if you don't like them/you just don't feel like treating them well/you think they don't deserve you being polite, nice and so on. Like I said, it's not so black and white and I think the baseline should be treating others well.
On this I slightly disagree: "--if they are just not nice enough for you, it is 100% your issue to get over not theirs to change how they behave." If a person acts disrespectfully or treats other people badly, it's not only the target person of this treatment who is responsible for it. Of course part of it might be ones "own fault" (if they have previously done or said something that led to some kind of conflict etc.) but deep down I think every one is responsible for their own behavior and should take others feelings into account.
"People should accept people as they are." This is true. But there's a difference between accepting other people and accepting how they choose to behave. Of course some people are more hot-tempered and blunt than others (as I tried to describe in the original post) and different kind of personalities are a richness. It's just that there are some norms in the social life, which are advisable to follow so that interaction is constructive and you don't end up crushing other people by purpose, which could be also interpreted as psychological violence.
Is this making sense to you?
Correct.
If you censor yourself for other's you are not providing your best true self. Manners are subjective. You may find things in life offensive or inoffensive that others see them the other way.
Again, you opinion of what treating others well comes into play. You expect others to share your moral code on speaking. The issue with the world and why I said it would fall is conformity. People not being able to be themselves based on how it makes others feel. What about the feelings and emotions of those you wish to conform to your niceness?
It's very hard to really form a who is and isn't incorrect without examples of these indiviuals actions. Example: There are people on this site people find very rude, irratating and mean while most of us find them funny and enjoyable because in them we see outward truth. My 2 favorite steemians are @papa-pepper and @berniesanders. You can't get much different in personalities or opinions.
Social constructs are fucked, SJW's try to force everyone to accept all people. Sorry, you don't need a reason to dislike people. Humans suck on such a deep animal level, most should be labeled and euthanasia drugs put in their food. People are not valuble just because they are alive. People as a whole are un-valuable except as a workforce to pay taxes. I am a firm believer in survival of the fittest. Overpopulation, dependency, forced acceptance, loss of free speech and basic personal liberty under the facade of social justice is what is ruining the world as forced nice people pretend all day to be something they are not because "social norms" are so skewed.
Although I hate this expression I'm gonna say it anyway: there are some things we can agree to disagree.
About manners, treating others and censoring your thoughts/behavior I have to add -I do not mean that you have to be phoney or please others, if you think how you say things. The way you put your words can make a huge difference in good or bad. Here's a made up example: as a teacher I wouldn't say to a kid, who has difficulties to learn and who I might on top of that find as an unplesant person that "you are a looser and will never learn this and I don't care anymore" because that would be unnecessary and hurt him/her even though that might be what I really truly think. Same way I wouldn't tell a colleague of mine whos methods I don't sign "you are a total prick yelling them". In that way I think sensitivity is a good ability and it's better play sure than take the risk that this person might have been the one who likes to be treated like that and end up hurting them badly.
If you know the person and know you both think it's okay to say things straight like that then maybe it works between you two.
I'm not overly sensitive/ get hurt too easily either, and by manners (and other things mentioned above) I don't mean those basic things like saying thanks etc. (although I highly value that ability). It's not like I'm all offended here or anything. I don't try to act nice and angelic either and I too have my weaknesses and low points.
I agree to disagree as you're completely missing my point. You're above examples are way out in left field. In the instance of the teacher, that is not a bitchy or rude person, that is a piece of shit that shouldn't be a teacher if those feelings are true.
I believe we are talking about two completely different things and based off of your examples you have titled the post wrong.
In the opinion of the workplace, there is a hierarchy. A chain of command and those at the top are there, and if you are below them, you have to earn their respect. I have been on both sides and until you are at the top it seems unfair when at the bottom. Again, I am not sure what your exact issue is and you seem to be dancing around giving a black and white example of exactly what you are talking about.
I did noticed you're in Finland and everyone else on this platform from Finland agrees the general atmosphere of Finland is rude, maybe you are living in the wrong location for nice people. I normally find the Fin's to be very comical and straight forward, not overly rude, just real.
I guess we both miss eachothers points. As interesting this conversation was, there's probably nothing new we can reach. I don't know if it's a language barrier or that we communicate with writing online and can't necessarily interpret eachothers opinios correctly or what. We can continue in chat sometimes if you want.
My mainpoint was, that to me it's weird that some people are mean by purpose and in situations they shouldn't have to be and feels like they're proud of it. And in general I like Finland although it's true it's rude sometimes. I love all the sarcasm and realness we have. It might be that some even hide behind those qualities and allow themselves to be rude.
But yeah, in the internet you can present yourself as you like and on the other hand might not be able to show who you are if the other person has already formed his/her opinion. Communication and all this differes from real life and you might for example like me irl when now you probably just think that I'm something I'm not, you know? People can choose what they show to others when they are behind screens. But all this you already knew for sure.