The Girl in the Bardo (4/6)

in #writing5 years ago

The buffaloes wallowed in the mud churned by the heavy rains of the past week. Now the skies had cleared and the fields beyond glistened as if they were filled with emeralds. The wheat grew tall and plentiful, the barley smelled so sweet. Beyond the farm, the sheep grazed on the grassy highlands, where the swallows flocked across the crisp air, diving and swooping up in the sky in search of tasty bugs. They would return home later to feed their young in their nests beneath the eaves.


If you haven't already, check out part 1, 2, 3.


"Mama, mama!"

Her youngest daughter, Pini, came running around the garden fence.

"What is it, baby?" Maya asked her.

"Lula head-butted Chodi, and he fell in the mud."

Dhala, the elder sister, led the mud-covered boy, who was crying disconsolately.

"Oh darling," said Maya suppressing a smile. The boy was covered in mud from head to foot. "Are you hurt?"

"Lula hit me!" said the little boy.

"I'll have a talk with that naughty goat," she told him, wiping his face. "Now go on with your sister. She'll clean you up."

She watched her three children go around the house, and she let herself smile. With a cloth, she wiped the mud off her hand, and she was about to head back into the house, when she saw a rider coming down the road. Even at this distance, she recognized the horse's gait and the rider's posture.

Tinley had only been away two days but seeing him back filled her heart with indescribable joy. As he approached the gate, he was waving something in the air. He was still waving it when he dismounted and running towards her, he planted a big kiss on her lips.

"We got it! We got it!" He shouted showing her a piece of parchment with writing on it.

"What does it say?"

"This says the land is ours! It says all our dreams will come true! " He hugged her tightly and spun her.

"Oo, careful love. Don't forget the bun is still in the oven."

He knelt on one knee and gently pressed his face against her visibly round belly.

"I can hear him laughing for joy!" he said.

"And how do you know it's a he and not a she?"

"We already have two girls," he said standing up. "Another boy will bring balance."

"Well, dear husband, I think it will be another girl. Balance is overrated."

He buried his face on her neck and growled.

Laughing, she pushed him away. "Come sweetheart, lunch is almost ready. I'll call the children. They'll be so happy to see daddy back."

Tinley put his arm around his wife and together they went inside their comely home, where the gentle smoke rose out of the chimney, and the garden up front was in full bloom. The mountains in the distance were capped with snow at the summit. Their jagged peaks the end result of vast processes that spanned across millenia, but which in the grand scheme of things was just one ephemeral moment after another.

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Thanks for your story...

This falls a bit out of my scope of personal interests in this platform. I believe @viking-ventures will appreciate it a lot more than myself, as she's a writer herself.

I'm more a fan of photography, music and arts. To each its own, right?

Good job, though. Keep it up, please! 😉

Thanks for visiting and giving the story a try, @trincowski. It's great that you were willing to givie it a try even if it isn't your cup of tea. You're right, we all have our interests. I enjoy photography, music, and arts as well but they're not my strength. I've written a few posts that contain some (very amateurish) art and photography but I'm not an expert. This (R-rated) post has one of my latest paintings, if you're interested: https://steemit.com/fiction/@litguru/the-girl-in-the-bardo-3-6

Stay lit!

This right here is why the Pimp Your Post works. People get to go look at things they otherwise may not have. If everyone takes a little time to support each other every week we all get stronger and some friendships will be formed.

Thanks for making it happen @pifc. I felt a bit sheepish about pimping my work, but I'm now seeing the value.

It really is what you make of it. Those that stop by and drop a link without taking the time to engage with others tend to not stick around very long. But those that go read content outside of their interests and help support others tend to get good results from this. Lets be honest we all would love more comments on our posts...it shows people are actually reading our work. Sure the upvotes are great, but if we spend time writing something it's not just about the money. Which is why it's great to see when I drop by a post that has been pimped and I see 1/2 or more of the comments are from people that are Pimp Your Post regulars. Knowing that they are out there supporting others and not just taking makes this all worth it for me.

Nice story. You want to turn the page for more 😊😊

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Thank you, @iamraincrystal. I'm working on the next installment. I will likely put it up later today or Tuesday.

Very sweet. I don't often read the fiction on Steem - I know I should, but I find it difficult somehow. But this is nice, I like that you (like me) are more focused on rapid conversation (at least in this part) - something that could be read movie-style or something... Thanks for sharing.

Awesome, thanks for you kind words, @viking-ventures. I'm fairly new to Steemit, so I'm still learning my way around. Your fiction caught my eye and I enjoy your style. I think reading fiction on a screen can be difficult. I think Steemit should try to address this issue by creating a "reading mode" that somehow makes the experience of reading online more akin to reading a book.

You're right, my fiction tends to have the characters firing off rapid sentences. It's tricky. If you notice real-life conversations, we rarely speak in full cohesive sentences, but it's a jumbled mess of ahs and mms and giggles and broken dialogue, particularly when we're emotional. Trying to capture that in prose is difficult but a nice challenge.

Thanks for dropping by.

I agree that reading on a screen isn't the most pleasant of experiences. And I think you're right that some of it is because the dimensions aren't book-like. I adjust my page to 6x9 like the book that is supposed to come out at the end... Somehow that just works with the eyes better... It would be good. I will suggest this to Steempeak - which is the front end I use almost exclusively. They offer templates, scheduling, lots of great things. They might be interested in a "reading mode"...

Thank you - I'm glad you like my style. Like you, I try to emulate real life - so a lot of the time, the prose is less formal, because it's in the point of view of a person, not a narrator. I figure that I write more in the style of a TV show, rather than traditional literature. I like to keep the plot moving quickly with heavy dialogue as appropriate. Of course, other times, you can slow down, enjoy the scenery... I'm very sensitive to tempo, so chatting works very well for me.

A very nice piece :) Carries me in a floaty way into lovely images!

Thank you, @kimberlylane. That's the effect I wanted to convey. Glad you enjoyed it.


Questo post è stato condiviso e votato dal team di curatori di discovery-it.
This post was shared and voted by the curators team of discovery-it


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