Diary of a book girl

I “won” the Amidakuji G bloc by @boxcarblue and now my task is:

Choose a character from a movie or a book and write a diary entry for that character about a deeply hidden secret that nobody knows about but you.

Well, well. I cannot help but think of one of my favorite chars here, Tohko Amano from the book girl series, so I will write hers.

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(Tohko is a “book girl”, not a goblin, as she says. She loves books so much that she eats them – literally. She eats the books (or – preferably - handwritten stories) and compares them to the meals of humans.
In school she presses the only other member of the book club into writing her improv stories that she then gobbles down and comments on.)

My Biggest Secret

Today Konoha wrote me another ugly story. Right at the start it tasted like cinnamon-flaked egg. That was… strange, but okay.
But then! No! Konoha, how could you do that to your club’s president?

Burning hot pepper mixed in mayonnaise, on top of burnt sliced salmon! I thought I was going to pass out!
It took me all my power to not run out of the room vomiting and crying.

You can be so mean sometimes, Konoha!

But I know why you are doing it. And that is why I have to endure it.

I know you are doing it because I force you to write again. I force you to endure such painful memories.
You think I cannot see your pain? Oh, I do, Konoha. I see it every time your memory makes you suffocate. I see it when you clasp your hand over your heart. I sometimes hear you whisper her name: Miyu.

But I always pretend to not hear it and demand my story.
You think I am selfish. That I just want a tasty snack.
But that is not true.

Okay, I do want your snacks Konoha, even the ugly ones – just not as ugly as that one today.
But I do not force you to write for me because I am selfish. I force you because I know you need it. You are a writer. I know it.

I was your first fan.

I am never gonna tell you.

I know you are the “mysterious girl” prodigy author Inoue Miyu. Sometimes your face looks like that of a happy girl. But I know that is not true. Not the girl part and not the happy part.

Your writing has caused you so much pain. How could I ever tell you that I know your secret, that I intentionally trapped and dragged you into the book club? That I decided to be your reliable senpai? That I decided to heal your heart the moment I first heard your name in school and saw a boy exuding this aura of loneliness?

I know who you are, Konoha. Better then you do.

You see, without me, the author Inoue Miyu would have never existed. Your book would not have been published.
THAT would not have happened.

So I have no other choice. It is my responsibility, my wish, my destiny. I will heal your heart, even if that means I will one day disappear.

But I could never tell you my secret.

That is why I will be burning this diary. Nobody will ever know my secret.