The biggest challenge to creativity

Some time ago, I made an attempt at writing a book. Wow, that was difficult. Amidst the research, brainstorming, breaking down and creating characters, I lost my motivation. By then I hadn't even started actually writing the book. What a disappointment I am.

I still pushed on and started writing. Paragraph after paragraph, my writing started sounding wrong to me. After completing my first chapter, I felt like my initial idea was wrong, no one would like the book. I saw so many mistakes in the book I had just started and lost hope. It sounded too desperate, vivid description here and things like that. Don't get me wrong, I still plan on writing the book, but I'll start when I have a nice place to write without any distractions. I know it sounds like an excuse but I'll live with that.

As I kept on correcting myself ,it turns out I was overthinking on how the perfect book should be. I had such high hopes that it would become a great book that I set too-high standards for myself as a beginner. I just came to find all this out after giving up. After a while came the depressing wishes. If only I could afford a literary agent. If only I could find a mentor to coach me. In that time, all the thoughts of writing an amazing bestselling book and getting famous were crushed and the writing process became more of a burden rather than a passion.

As I was reflecting on this, I was reminded of the saying, The first step is always the hardest. Although I don't remember who said that but whoever they were, they were right. I now see a lot I could have done right, so many mistakes that could be fixed but I'd rather not return just yet. This is the same way I made the mess I am in at the moment.

For now I have decided to study all it to write a complete book then practice patiently as I go on. Although I understand that I am overthinking on things, I just can't help it, I want it to be perfect. I understand that perfect is non-existent but it's hard to change so much in so little time. I plan on taking it slow and seeing how it goes. After all, I'm very confident in the basis of my book. And thus, I must finish it.