Ch. 8 (Reaching for Sky)

Chapter 8

Having a one-handed grip on the hose, I stood over the pool, watching the water flow in. My body was so beat from the sun that it was nearly impossible to keep from falling over. I flicked my wrist watching the water turn into large droplets, splashing into the shallow surface below. I thought to myself of how nice it would be to come home every day, peel my shirt off and dive in. Once again, a luxury I was never offered growing up. Lost in my own thoughts, heavy footsteps neared me, thudding against the concrete.
“Happy birthday, faggot!” Trenton announced, tucking me under his arm and dragging us both into the pool.
I came up gasping, frantic to free my airway from the water I just guzzled. I must have been so lost in my own problematic world that I had forgotten my own damn birthday. What a damn shame.
“Th—thanks, asshole,” I said between breaths.
“So, Bri invited us over again. To uh… celebrate your birthday. Her parents are out of town for the weekend. It’s gonna be so much fun, I’m stoked!”
“Yeah, me too.” I began swimming towards to pool's ledge.
Just as we climbed out of the pool, dripping wet, Trenton’s father rounded the corner of the house shaking his head.
“All right, numbnuts. Do I need to can the both of ya’s?”
“No sir.” Trenton and I synchronized.
“Then stop dicking off and finish up. We’re about done.”
“So anyway, Johnny has some “party favors” he said he’s bringing. He pled that you try your best in not getting your ass kicked again, beforehand.”
I gave him a playful shove watching him gracefully catch his balance to stop from landing in the pool again. I was actually pretty excited to find out what all was going to happen at this 'party'. I was glad I didn’t have to worry about Charlie’s ass showing up with his asshole friends, either. After verifying that everything had been completed, Trenton took me home so I could get cleaned up for the night. I found my parents sitting in the living room, talking quietly amongst one another.

“Happy birthday, son! I got you something. It’s in there on the counter.”
I followed my father’s pointed finger and saw the top of a bottle barely peeking over the nook. As I entered the kitchen, a flask and an unopened bottle of Jack came into view. What else could I expect from an alcoholic?
“Thanks… dad.” I cleared my throat.
My mother gave me a warm birthday hug and smooch to the cheek which was enough for me. I hauled the bottle and flask off into my bedroom, throwing it into my book bag. Indecisive on a style for my facial hair, I cleaned up my jawline, leaving a mustache attached to my goatee. I tugged at the whiskers on my chin, feeling the softness. I’m now twenty years old, but have been growing a full beard since I was fifteen. Boy, do I love being Italian and Polish.
I wanted to look decent tonight, mostly for Tiffany. I scrounged about until finding my nicest pair of jeans and a black button down. The damn thing was missing a few buttons and was short in the arms. I must’ve forgotten that was once a part of my Sunday church apparel when I was younger. I ripped it off in frustration, almost at a loss when the idea of texting Trenton for help popped into my head. When he came to pick me up, he had a few articles of clothing for me to choose from. I knew he’d come in handy since Trenton never goes anywhere without looking impressionable. He has always saved me from a wardrobe malfunction, no homo. While I finished spiking my hair, Trent was in my room laying out some outfits across the top of my bed.
“Okay, birthday boy. We want you looking spiffy, especially if you plan on getting laid tonight.”
He stood back letting me decide. I glanced at his attire which consisted of a white cotton V-neck, white wash jeans and dress shoes. I decided on a pair of denim jeans with holes manufactured into the thread and a black name branded V-neck.
“Nice choice. Now get dressed and let’s go!”

On the ride over to Bri’s house, I pulled out the bottle of Jack to show Trent. “Look what I’ve got.”
“Oh shit! Did you break into dad’s liquor cabinet?” He laughed.
“No. Actually, it was his gift to me. A flask came with it too, but I doubt I’ll ever use it.”
“Damn, that’s a whole 750-milliliter bottle. Amongst everything else, we literally are going to be fucked up. I’m quite sure your ass will find a time and place in using that flask.”
Pulling up to the Du'paul residence, there were several cars parked outside. I saw Tiff’s and Johnny’s vehicles parked by others I didn’t recognize.
“Who all is supposed to be here?” I asked timidly.
“Besides us, just a few of Bri’s friends from school. It’s gonna be fine, man. I promise Charlie has no idea where we are and he doesn’t know Bri. So stop being a pussy and let’s go have some fun.”

Walking to the back of the house, I was captivated by neon lights decorating the yard. Tables were set up with tons of alcohol lining their surface. Girls in bikinis were hanging around the pool or swimming within it, large speakers were set up on the patio and a handmade banner with my name hung above the back door, wishing me a happy birthday. I have never had anyone do this kind of thing for me, so I didn’t know how to handle it. Losing my train of thought, I spotted Tiff lying out on a lawn chair, sipping from a red solo cup. She was busy talking with Colton while they smoked a bowl.
“Hey, brother! I hope you’re ready to reach the stars, baby!”
I looked up to see Johnny in his board shorts getting ready to jump into the pool from the rooftop. He's a damn lunatic I tell you. We incessantly cheered him on as he made a huge splash with his cannonball. In the meantime, Bri greeted me with a drink, showing me where everything was.
“I really appreciate you all doing this for me. It means a lot.”
“Oh, it’s no problem. Trent really cares about you. I could tell when he brought the idea to my attention.”
Trent just pressed his lips together with an innocent shrug.
Not being able to keep away much longer, I excused myself, heading over to see my honey. Once her eyes flickered toward mine, she smiled invitingly. I admired the white sundress she was wearing along with the two small side braids that pulled her hair back. She looked like a flower child for sure, but in a sense that I found quite sexy.
“Hey, handsome. Come get a taste of your birthday love.” She pulled me in by the back of my head for a hot and heavy kiss.
As my tongue entered her mouth, I instantly tasted liquor. “Hmm, tequila drinker, aye?”
“I admit, only on occasion. Now drink up because the fun has yet to begin.” I felt her hand swat my ass.

I stood before the table covered in alcohol while trying to decide on what I wanted next. I noticed a small bowl that looked to be filled with deformed meatballs. When I picked it up to examine it, I realized it was a bowl full of marijuana nuggets.
“Holy shit!” I laughed to myself.
Finally reaching a verdict, I decided on pouring myself a glass of Gin and Tonic. Afterward, advancing back to where everyone was commuting, it was about an hour before Johnny got everyone’s attention to reveal what he had brought to share.
“All right, listen up you crazy fucks! I have my connections as we all know. I got in touch with someone who is trustworthy enough for me to deal with. He introduced a little something called “Molly”. I’m sure you’ve all heard of it before. Let me just say this, it ain't for the faint of heart. It will relax you, make you unwind, turn you on, hell--maybe even fuck you up. Though, I will not force anyone into trying it, just know it is within your own discretion.”
For a moment, we looked at one another wondering who had the balls to do it first. I raised my hand and after that, everyone else seemed to follow suit. “That’s what I’m talking about. There’s one for everyone."
"Now, this is going to be rather interesting.” Trenton glanced at Tiff and they placed the pill onto their tongue with a smile.
I couldn't do it, I just held this foreign drug in my palm for the longest--thinking about Nicki. It took about fifteen minutes before I found myself gripping the shit out of my own thighs--asthmatic lungs and grinding teeth. I felt Colton's eyes but I refused to look his way. “Hey, you’re going to need this." A neon straw caught the corner of my eye. "There’s plenty more inside--on the kitchen counter.”
“What does this do?”
“Satisfies your need for an oral fixation. Your jaw will be sore as fuck tomorrow, but it’ll be worth it.”
“Yeah, didn’t you know? Colton does all the research.” Jacoby laughed.
“Holy shit! Where the hell have you been?” I pulled him in for a hug.
“You know, around.” He smiled.
The more I drank the more the drug intensified. Tiffany sat in a daze, tracing her fingers up and down the smooth of her thighs; unknowingly making my dick hard. I needed something to do--to occupy my hands, so I got up and swiped up that bowl of mischievous meatballs. Smoke arrested the air thanks to Colton and Jacoby, but I paid them no mind.
"Johnny, give me that other White Owl."
"What? Why?"
"'Cause I wanna smoke it, ya dick."
Tiffany immediately gained awareness, coming straight for me. "Johnny, just give it."
"Alright, you two--damn." He held a glare as Tiff climbed on my lap.
Taking her sunglasses from the top of her head with a paralyzing gaze, I didn't move. “I want to fuck you... just like this.”

Trent and Bri lay poolside talking to Johnny while he floated around on a blow-up raft, leering those girls from earlier. Colton and Jacoby were passed out in lounge chairs just a few feet away, but I was too angst to sleep. I stripped off my shirt, craving the feel of pool water on my fevered skin. I kicked my shoes off and dropped my jeans--falling in face first. I didn't immediately come up for air, I just floated there atop the water, holding my breath until I couldn't. Tiffany dove in like a missile, swimming towards me. Grabbing me by the face for a kiss, I captured oxygen and my chest tightened. For once, I didn’t have to think about reality or the problems I faced day to day. Tiffany liked me and I guess I liked her, too.

Later that night...

“Choke me.” Tiff's exhale singed my ear.
I was hesitant because the only person I ever got violent with was Nicki.
“Tiff, you have no idea how dangerous I can be.”
“I want to know. I want you to show me just how fucked up you are.”
I induced a sigh, gripping the back of her hair. What a beautiful neck that lay before me--antagonizing my thirst. Pressing my lips to her pulsing flesh, I sank my teeth in. Clamping down onto my shoulder, Tiff returned the favor and I saw red.
“Don’t be a little bitch, Mali. I see it in your eyes. Your harbored desire to tear my ass apart--why do you resist?”
“Because… I’m a fucking monster!” I growled, slamming her down.
To gain control, I took her hands up above her head, pressing them down into the pillow.
Legs wrapped around my waist--opening wide and taking a beating. Tiff was interested--oh, was she becoming braver. I tested myself to see just how much self-control I had as she squeezed my throat further. She choked me until I nearly blacked out, claws tearing the skin from my back while I pounded into her belly. This is what she wanted--I twisted a fist into the sheets, digging my fingers further along the underside of her jaw. Tiff released a brief squeal, gasping for air--clinging around me tighter. I was sure to break the bed frame in the midst of losing myself and I couldn't allow for that to happen. Oh, how badly I wanted to tie her up and scourge her until she screamed--tracing tasseled leather across overawe planes awaiting the hot rush to drip down her thighs. I can't be this person--especially not to Tiff--she didn't deserve it. She had no idea of the door she was so eager to pry into--banging until the screws loosened and it broke open completely.

“No, stop!” I pulled away aggressively, falling against the dresser behind me.
Tiff sat up almost in fear--tucking her knees into her heaving chest. “Malice, what the fuck? Are you okay?”
“Just give me a minute--please?” I bent over, pressing my hands into my knees, catching my breath before I crawled back into bed.
We lay in an uncomfortable silence for the longest moment, I swear I could taste her curiosity. I rolled onto my side, reaching for the lamp so I could see her face. I wanted to feed off of her reaction--devouring her reality with gunmetal eyes. The lack of breath as my gaze diminishes her size--a sinful tongue licking droplets from an impure mind. Come...enter my room and sit here in this very chair and I'll soon show you how my ways can impress the devil, himself.
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes. That kind of freaked me out. I just want an explanation.”
I sighed, getting comfortable against her headboard.
“Back when I was fifteen, I started dating Nicki in high school. We were both really young when we started having sex. Of course, it ended up being unprotected most of the time. Well, she ended up pregnant when we were sixteen. We didn’t know what to do about it, but eventually, our parents found out. Her mom and dad were going to force her into having an abortion because they disapproved of me and the family I came from." I shook my head. "Nicki's mother always swore up and down that I’d end up being an abusive alcoholic just like my father. Not too long after that, Nicki came crying to me at school during our lunch period. When I asked her what was wrong she told me that she had a miscarriage while using the restroom. She was terribly sick for a few days afterward, too. We both cried, and I mean, I never fucking cry. But seeing her messed up like that broke my heart.”
“So, when did this uncertainty with forceful play surface?” She raised a brow.
“We were defiant--reckless when together and neither of us gave a shit about what her parents had to say. I loved her and I know she loved me too. In time, things changed--we changed and began experimenting. It started off with us just wrestling around, slamming each other into things, ya know--playful things like that. Then excessive biting came along until blood was drawn. When that wasn’t enough, we realized we both shared a common fascination with intense violence, so we pushed it to the limits by beating the fuck out of one another during sex." Tiff's lips parted--chewing on my words. "I’d let her tie me up and torture me unto her satisfaction and she’d let me do the same. In time, we became careless about hiding the brutal evidence on our bodies and one day her mother saw the aftermath on her back while she was in her room changing. She confronted Nicki about it right then, which of course, Nicki tried lying about it. Well, her mother blamed me, assuming I was beating her and all this crazy mess. So, unfortunately, her parents forced her to stop seeing me or they were going to call the police and have me arrested for domestic abuse. Like I was going to sit there and explain what really was going on. I instead gave them the satisfaction and agreed to never talk to or see Nicki again.” I rubbed at my chest as if I could still feel the stinging burn in my heart.
“Nicki is the same girl that came to visit you in the hospital?”
I sighed with guilt. “Yeah,”
“So, you both reconnected?”
“Recently, yes. I guess you could say that?”
Tiffany pressed her lips together with a nod. “She was your first love, huh?”
I stared at the wall, feeling tension surface between us. Now that Tiffany was aware of Nicki and our past, things weren’t going to be the same if she were to ever come around. I can accept it, even though I didn’t have to.
Clearing her throat to speak, I refused to meet her eyes. “Have you seen her lately?”
“What relevance does that hold for you?”
“Just answer the goddamn question, Malice. Yes or no?” Her voice became stern.
“Yes, Tiff. But I don’t see why it even matters?”
“It matters to me because I really like you, Malice! I didn’t put two and two together at the hospital until now. I see why she was so hurt by your appearance. Yet, I’m puzzled at the fact of why you incessantly sneak around to see her when she is seeing Charlie.”
“Where did you come by that information?” My jaw clenched.
“I’m not a fool? I pay attention to how you act and the things you say to me. I also overheard Trent talking about the feud between you guys. Now it all makes sense.”
I was angry inside because I didn't want to feel responsible for my actions. I should've known she was bound to get attached to me. Fuck!
“You claimed to have no knowledge of what Trent spoke to Nicki about. Why did you lie?”
Tiff drew in a deep breath, crawling out of bed--furious as she picked up my clothes off the floor. “I think you already know.” I was pegged in the chest with my balled up linen. “I didn’t lie intentionally," Tiff's face formed strong emotion. "I just chose to ignore the possibility of it being true.”
“Seriously? You and I are not together. If I knew you felt so strongly towards me then maybe I would have been more cautious.”
“No," She laughed. "You wouldn't. We both know where your loyalty lies. I find it quite pathetic and disappointing that you would rather be a sleaze and tiptoe around with some scandalous bitch you have a bad history with. Jesus Christ, Malice...you've got me so fucked up. I don't give myself like this to just anyone. ” Her voice was rising. "If you knew you were going to hurt me then why do you stay?"
I jumped out of bed, spastically dressing out of frustration. Tiff had a key point but I was not backing down. I remained defensive--but that wasn't what she wanted and I didn't care.
“Don’t you dare stand there and act like you know a damn thing about me and Nicki.”
I watched tears ramp over her cheeks. “When she puts you second,” She paused, trying to maintain her composure. “I wouldn't just tell you that you deserved the entire world--I'd kill myself to lay it at your feet. When the fuck are you going to wake up, Mali? Charlie will never stop coming after you until you leave her alone! What the hell are you waiting for? You and Nicki aren’t in high school anymore. It’s time you let shit go and move on before you wind up dead in a fucking ditch somewhere!” She exasperated.
I felt my heartbeat fade in my chest, raking resentful hands through my hair. No one has ever stood up to me about Nicki like that and it pissed me off. I didn’t know how to come to terms with letting Nicki go for good. It just wasn’t in my plans, in my head or my heart. Was I wrong for what I’ve been doing? Or was I just trying to nurse my wounds like a hopeless fool would? Either way, I wanted to run away and hide in the shadows of my seclusion. I needed space to reassess my emotions and clear my mind.