Ch. 14 (Reaching for Sky)
Chapter 14
“Malice, come help me unload these pieces of wood for the deck.”
I stood from my knees, covered in speckled cement. “You sure that’s a good idea?”
“Why not? Just remove your gloves.”
I huffed, climbing out of the pool to aid Trenton with the lumber. While it took both of us to carry the ten-foot pieces of wood, we took two at a time. To pass time, I enlightened him on my visitation with Johnny. He seemed uninterested, which really surprised me.
“It’s not that I don’t care about Johnny. I just hate thinking or talking about what really happened that night. Hell, if I tell you this… you can’t be upset with me. Got it?”
“Okay...” I drew my brows together in curiosity.
“Ever since then, I’ve been having these wicked nightmares. Completely horrifying, and I obviously can’t call a shrink and explain to them why my head has been so fucked up. I can just see it now. “So tell me, Trenton, why do you feel you keep having these nightmares?” Oh, I don’t know Doc? Probably because, a few months back, I decided it was wise to kidnap three guys I hated, take them to an abandoned train station to see their end.”
“I’m not exactly following. Why the fuck would I get upset over you having nightmares?”
He sighed before answering. “Tiffany sent me a text asking me to come over a week ago, for a “minor therapy session” as she would call it. I tried to comfort her and of course, alcohol was involved and we both ended up having some extremely emotional sex. We both held heavy hearts. Bri would be sensitive at times, but it was totally different with Tiffany--personal. It was like she held onto me, fearing to let me go. It was slow and intimate.” He went on.
“You thought that’d upset me? I can’t blame you for enjoying sex, Trent." I chuckled. "It’s supposed to feel good.”
“Well, yeah? And you know what I mean. You both used to have a 'thing'. I’m just telling you out of respect.”
“I appreciate that, and I’m not upset. Yes, we did have a thing once upon a time, but I didn’t want an emotional attachment. The sex was great, but the feelings she believed to be tangible… were inconclusive. Plus, I did a fine job at fucking that one up.”
“You must really be into that girl, Sky, aren’t you?”
My large smile gave him a definitive answer. “What happened with you and Bri?”
“I guess I felt the same way about her as you did Tiffany.”
“Are you guys like a thing now?” I playfully nudged him in the shoulder.
“I don’t really know what we are? I guess we are just testing the waters.”
“So your pity fuck was in fact, in the good intentions of healing one another, I take it?”
We dropped the final haul of wood onto the grass, panting to catch our breath. Trent wiped the sweat from his forehead, squinting into the sun as it began to set in the west.
“Look, as much as you’d hate hearing the details, the same amount is shared in my attempt to explain them. Tiffany just randomly happened and it’s probably a good thing. Who knows? Besides, aren’t you striving to pursue ole girl in Chicago?” He smiled, easing the tension.
“So what if I am?” I returned the gesture.
By the day's end, my hands were blotchy from chestnut wood stain and embedded with splinters. I went home and took a long, hot shower, nearly scolding my skin from the bone. If my father did one thing right, it was replacing the damn water heater last month. I sat down on the cracked porcelain, letting the smoke from my joint vaporize with the steam. Unleashing dopamine and serotonin through the corridors of my brain, I began to daydream. My mind took me to wondrous places, inviting erotica and infectious curiosity. The hot water hit my face, streaming down my abdomen, creating a large puddle around me. I kept inhaling until the paper burnt the tips of my fingers before I dipped it into the water. My thoughts aroused me so greatly that I eventually took ahold of myself, gripping tightly as my mind continued. Seeking release, just wanting to feel the slightest bit of excitement had me going until my forearm burned. Lazed out and relaxed, imagining those pointed nails scratching down my chest and her little body sitting on top of me--I lied frozen in thought. The water had long gone cold beneath my weight, murky with despair and frigid with a pulse--I reached for my towel.
I had a voicemail on my phone from Tiffany, asking if I cared to join everyone down at the pier to have a good time. It caught me off guard considering none of us have really ‘hung out’ lately, but I did nothing less than gladly accept the offer. I haven’t done much of anything since Johnny got locked up. Shit just wasn’t the same without his maniacal influence--but I chose to go out in his honor. Then again, I would rather die in my sleep than continue staying in this hell hole I called home. My father--ha--he hasn’t been around much in the past few weeks since the misfortunate passing of my mother, but the further away he remained the more my sanity clung to whatever life I had left inside of me. I wondered if he knew it was best to keep away from me--hell, I couldn't even stand to look him in the face anymore.
Arriving at the pier, I found Colton and Jacoby assaulting a claw machine for God knows what was inside. Trenton was leaned up against a pinball machine with Tiffany bearing into his chest--smitten and laughing carefree. Their love fest rubbed me the wrong way as I walked up with them barely noticing my existence. Colton was the first to say hey and the rest soon followed. What a way to settle in agitation on the first go round. I dug my hands deep into my jean pockets, sheepish with a fictitious smile. I was internally fighting from running off and claiming this whole thing as being a terrible idea.
“Your facial hair has gotten long, I didn’t notice until now.” Tiffany smiled.
I took a hand to my chin, stroking my lengthy coarse hairs. “Yeah, I kind of like having facial hair. But, I keep my head cleaned up.”
“Better that way, otherwise you’d look like a damn bum in that beanie of yours.” Colton snickered.
“Fuck off.” I shoulder bumped him.
“Too bad Tiff never lets me grow anything beyond a five o’clock shadow.”
I looked away, trying to fix the disgust marked upon my face. As much as I loved Trenton and wanted to see him happy, I could have easily grabbed Tiffany and bent that ass over one of these machines, fucking her while he watched. Not a single spark of giving an actual fuck would restrain my sudden dominant outburst that radiated possessive undertones. I’d give her rough if she really insisted upon it. My intense thoughts read all over my face with dismay.
“Dude, you all right?” Jacoby gave me a friendly nudge.
“What? Yeah, sorry. I was daydreaming.” I moved on from my own turmoil to beseech on his. "I've been meaning to ask you about how you're holding up."
Jacoby scratched at his buzzed scalp. "Eh--I'm okay, I guess. My parents don't give a shit. But what else is new, right?" He tried laughing off the pain and I felt horrible for bringing it up.
Tonight wasn't about reliving our nightmare--the gunpowder on our fingers--hands soaked in blood--afraid to face our appearance in the mirror, but found comfort in the way each of us held each other. Now was not the time to make enemies of the other.
We went on waltzing around the pier, wasting money on rigged games while eating food doused in grease. The night was full of riding spinny rides until vomit rose in our throats. I pulled out my flask that was tucked away in my jacket while the chain pulled us to the top of a giant wooden roller coaster.
“Colton, want some?”
“What the hell? How’d you sneak that in here?”
“In my pocket, dummy. Do you want some or not?”
He shrugged, quickly taking a sip with a grimace.
“It’s Scotch.” I laughed.
We rode the roller coaster three times in a row before deciding to wait in the extensive line for the music ride. I was feeling pretty good once the ride had started, but by the time it came to a halt before going in reverse, they turned off all the lights. Strobe lights and colorful lasers bounced all around the darkened room and the windy cyclone had me choking on my own oxygen as I fought to breathe. The music was so loud it pounded through my skull, making me nauseous and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I stumbled to get off the ride, falling out of the seat just to reach the exit in time. I puked my fucking guts up over the railing while the laughter of my friends left me embarrassed.
“Fuck off,” I mumbled, trying to stand up straight.
“Do we need to take you home, Mali?” Trenton’s voice echoed.
“Nope, I’m good. I’m just gonna take a little walk to regain my dignity.” I was smug.
“Awe, come on, Malice. We were just joking!” Trenton called after me.
I continued to walk down the pier before finding a place better suited for the solitude I longed for. Seeking tranquility, I stared off into the ocean, watching the waves slap against the molded pillars below. A girl dressed in dark clothing sat on a bench a few feet away, enjoying a cancer stick. I grabbed ahold of the wooden railing trying to reframe from vomiting again, taking several deep breaths to calm myself.
It took several minutes before I was capable of sitting without falling over. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Sky to see what she was doing. While waiting for a response, I pulled out a roach I had left over from earlier. The very second the aroma hit the air; the unknown female turned her head in my direction, intrigued with curiosity. I extended a silent offer and she jumped right up to gladly accept. She took a few hits like it was second nature before making small talk. Her gothic attire and knee high boots replicated a persona of a hooker but I was polite as can be. She looked to be of my age when the lighting hit her just right. Though, who was I to judge? Considering the fact I was also dressed in dark clothing--looking rather bummish. Breaking my attention, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket as I immediately dug for it. Sky claimed she was back home in Wisconsin with some friends, getting drunk and canoeing for the weekend. I just replied with ‘sounds fun’, smiling unknowingly.
“That your girlfriend?”
“Not yet.” I laughed.
“My name’s Jessa.” She extended her hand.
“Mali.” I returned the gesture.
“Nice to become acquainted. What are you doing out here by your lonesome?”
“Oh, no, I--uh--have some friends that are off riding somewhere. I just needed to take a break.”
“I feel ya. Thanks for uh, sharing your bud. I needed that.”
“Not a problem.”
My phone buzzed again and again and as much as I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt this girl, my anxiousness to talk to Sky overpowered me. She asked how my night was going, so I explained while trying to multitask talking with Jessa. I stood by continuing our conversation until Trenton and the gang walked up.
“How are you feeling, Mali?” Tiffany asked.
I flicked the finished roach into the water. “Better.”
Before an awkward silence ensued, Colton spoke. “Who’s your new friend?”
“Jessa. She joined me, keeping me company for a bit.”
“Care to join the rest of us for the remainder of the night?”
I just gave Trenton an agitated look, one in which he returned with a stupid smile. Gripping me by the shoulder, he pushed me beside her as we headed back towards the rides. I was to be okay as long as I didn't hurl again.
“This is going to be interesting,” I muttered.
Despite my arrogance, Jessa wasn't bad company. She was a wild one, but in a way only perceiving innocent fun to the extent of my knowledge. Lucky her for getting to hang out with misfits who bared blood stained hands. We stayed out until the pier closed down for the night and forgetting about my phone for the past two hours, I pulled it out to check for any messages. Sky just told me to have fun and to text her whenever I wasn’t busy. So I gave her space to let her enjoy her family and friends while I did the same.
“Thanks for letting me tag along with you guys. I had a blast!” Jessa admitted while handing me her phone. “Put your number in. I want to see you again.”
I thought, ‘hmm… of course, you do’. As a friendly gesture, I gave her my number and she gave me a tight hug in return. Once I got home, all I wanted was to talk to Sky for a bit until we both became exhausted.
“So, your father rides a motorcycle you said?”
“Yes, always has. He rides a Harley.”
“Hell yeah, so do I. I’ll have to take you for a ride someday.” I joked.
“That’d be fun! Then when it snows, I can take you for a ride on a snowmobile. I got my license for that shit and it's dope as fuck!” She seemed exhilarated.
“Sounds like it. That’s definitely something I’ve never done. I’ve snowboarded, but that’s about it. Let me ask you this--if you could go anywhere in the world, that being anywhere at all… where would you go and why?”
“That's easy," She smiled. "The bottom of the ocean, just to see what all was down there.”
I sat for a moment in bewilderment because never in my life has anyone ever come up with an extraordinary idea such as that. It just made my interest in this girl peak. I wanted to know more and she seemed more than willing to tell. Possibly because it seemed rather easier to talk to someone you didn’t have to look in the face every day, still knowing they were at least on the other side, listening.
“Where is a place you’d consider an escape from reality?”
“Nowhere here in Chicago, but back home, I usually find peace on this old wooden bench beneath my parent’s deck. Night or day, I’d find myself there, taking in the remarkable view of the field that stretched before their house. I started finding comfort there after a really bad breakup. I’d go there just to think and smoke to keep hidden from my folks.” She laughed.
“When my father and I would have it out, I’d either go into my room, blasting music through my headphones to drown out the nonsense or escape through my bedroom window to go hang out with my friends. We’d do some crazy shit together, like go down to the railroad tracks and tag boxcars. Drink and smoke wherever we felt like. We tried to keep our inattentive behavior municipal.” I gave a subtle laugh.
From each conversation we’ve had, all that I have gathered about her personality was that she’s very adoring and independent, yet she seems to doubt her own abilities. She’s aware of her capabilities and never seems to let a single aspect of her life bring her down. A filthy past can weigh anyone down, but she never dared to show it. Instead, she carries a shield bound to protect her heart and wore an armor of high expectation. She definitely stands out and knows what she wants out of life. She shows no shame in her absentminded desperation in finding her true purpose and I found it incredibly inspiring. Sky was everything I never knew I wanted.
For the longest, I’ve let myself settle with local affection and pointless love affairs. But I was ready to stretch and reach for something well worth it. For once, I didn’t want to pull the wool over my eyes and assume that I wasn’t good enough for something so great. It was my time to take advantage and be sincerely happy, and I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything take it away.