Opening small chapter for the book I am writing. Would love some honest opinions? :)
Hi Steemers! One of my 2017 news resolution was to begin to write a book. I have wrote a very small opening chapter that would entice the reader to dwell in further. The book will be a story ..a journey of a boy who broke out the system, societies way of living. That is all that I am willing to reveal at this moment of time.
Please ..positive or negative ..let me know what you think. Let's begin ......
I love dreams I believe it is a spiritual message from the other side. One particular night, I dreamt that an alien came down from the mother ship to a quiet hilltop where I sat inhaling the sunrise. He said; “I have been observing the human race for years, and before my departure back to my universe, I want to understand the perspective of humans. As you’re the first and only human I have come into contact can you please use your words to explain?”
I looked at there out of this world, crazy ship and thought how easily it could have been for the aliens to destroy us. So, out of love for not causing destruction to the planet, I decided to answer the aliens question to what felt like a last ditch effort to understand humans.
“Humans are inbounded by social constructs,” I began. “For example, how a person should dress on an occasion and what days they should make their partner feel special. Humans follow norms in fear of being judged even if it means contradicting there personal beliefs, principles and morals. This in turn dampens their soul just to belong to a flock of identical sheep, which is ironic as each human yearns to be identified. It is social constructs that handcuff human hearts and blindly leads the mind to an eternal debt, to an education formalised on the concept of passing towards a miserable mediocrity, rather than learning how to escape the systems shackles.
However there are many who diverted the course of government property which comes in form of student debts. These human search for riches, but not riches that there heart and soul dream off, and neither riches that signify their value. Rather, treasure illusionised from false idols, leading them to swallowing their fantasies, and possessing them to chase unfulfilled mirages with treasure passed down in form of crumbs of crumbs from higher powers. The ceiling for progression for these 9-5 humans is so constricted that if they don’t develop a crooked back from having to tilt down in the small room, they will cultivate a deteriorated health from the consumption of toxic they intake to numb their soul of forgotten childhood dreams of careers and companionship.
But what truly put humans on life support is fear. Many of mankind would rather be comfortable within the glooms of misery and self-pity than to strive for happiness. Their fear of failure is the gravity that traps them to the ground, preventing them to fly where their soul implores. It is fear why the sheep remain in the flock, too concerned with fitting in with their peers, causing them to be blind and too dumb to realise the shepherd is the free man. Fear will keep sheep confused and unfulfilled within their flock, waiting to be slaughtered rather than escaping the gates that confines them to suffering. It is astonishing that frightened humans would actually halt their pursuit of happiness and freedom due to the opinions of others. However, if it hadn’t been for the feeding of fear, they may see that the same opinions are also tormented by identical anxiety and nightmares of cowardice psychology.”
The alien blankly stared at me as I finished speaking. He tilted his head left to right several times; I contemplated that was his way of thinking?
Several moments later the alien spoke, “You sit on this hilltop gauging the sunrise, you look like a human that is at peace and love, not the torment that you speak off.”
I slowly stepped towards the alien, looked him into his eyes and gracefully smiled as I whispered, “I was a human just as a butterfly was a caterpillar, and when I wake up from this dream I will write a story showing the world how I learnt to fly.”
This is pretty intriguing--you were definitely right when you said your readers will be enticed to read further. I followed you just so I could!
I'm interested in where you are going with this because your human character almost seems more like the alien with his/her blunt analysis of how humans work whereas the alien seems more like a human who hasn't been enlightened yet. Very interesting, especially if this is all a dream!
As for the writing, the grammar and sentence structure needs some work. But otherwise I think this is a great start! :) Happy writing! Can't wait to read more!
Hi @Zugzwang34, thank you for your comment! And thank you for your following :)
Due to my paranoia I do not want to share of the blueprint of my book on a social platform. But chapters will either introduce elements of life that are necessary to find peace and serenity in life. It will also challenge modern day treasures that are illusionised with happiness
I like your perception of the role reversal ..did make me smile knowing readers perhaps will form their own theories :D
As for the grammar ..you are certainly spot on ..it is a working progress lol
Best of luck to you :)