I think honesty is so important to being authentic but I struggle with it. One of my friends was totally honest - he was an admirer of Albert Camus and identified with Mersault in The Outsider (L'Etranger). I made stabs at following his rigid code but could never quite do it - if ever. I like things to run smoothly - even if insulted, I try to smooth it over until unfortunately I arrive at the end of my patience and then, watch out! I think I arrived at the end of my patience so many times in my life that my family probably thinks of me like a bully-tough guy - yeah, I kind of identify with Robert DeNiro, lol. But when my better angels are in control I'm embarrassingly sensitive and vulnerable and since I have no control at that point, I feel socially awkward. Sometimes it's easier to punch out someone than to empathize - makes me wonder how I write anything at all, to be honest, but somewhere inside a real person's hiding ...I suppose.