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RE: Alexis Daimon, A Slave in Space — Erotic BDSM Sci-Fi Novella — Chapter 6 (Serialized)

in #writing6 years ago

This was a wonderful chapter; it was lovely. I squirmed, I wiggled my hips, and it turned me on.

I ached, I burned, I longed to come.

This was masterful. The whole story is like pulling a thin thread in a blanket without worrying what the ramifications would be, and it lasts longer than expected; like "how could this thread be so long the blanket isn't that big."

I loved the teasing, the internal dialogue wondering what was happening. There is this balance throughout between Alexis' internal emotions and the concise description of what the Dr. was doing to her.

The part about the dildo and the teasing was expert. I long to write similarly to this. You are a model, an example, and an inspiration for me to write more effectively.

One thing of note, of which I'm guilty of too, some sentences like this one repeat the same sound or word and it throws off the flow.

I began to wiggle and squirm against the restraints more fiercely now as he continued to thrust the dildo deep inside me, faster now, and picking up speed.

"fiercely now," and "faster now." If possible avoid filler words like, "now," or "just" or "quite." I have words I need to watch out for, maybe "now" is one of yours.

Excellent chapter! I'm looking forward to more :)

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Ahhh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I had a ton of fun writing it ^_^

Thank you for the feedback, also! I am so encouraged by your compliments on my writing, and I greatly appreciate the constructive criticism. I'm always striving to improve! I'm working on the next chapter right now, and I'm paying close attention to those filler words :)

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