“Marcella? I found one!” Edie’s voice rose an octave. She laughed, a little too loudly.
Marcella winced. “Another one?”
“Seriously Marcy, listen. There’s a guy living up on Courtland.”
“Stop it.” Marcella had heard enough. Edie lived in a state of constant excitement. Every month she found an eligible bachelor to stalk. Last time, he turned out to be a crossdresser in a tie. Broke Edie’s heart, but not before she followed him around for two months.
Edie stopped laughing. “This time it’s for reals. I saw him at his job. He’s a dentist.”
“Yeah, so what?” How do you know he isn’t married? Huh? Or another crossdresser looking for chicks, hopefully without dicks. you have to stop this.”
“I’m telling you the truth. He’s single.”
“It doesn’t mean anything!”
“But I want one.” Edie pouted.
“We all want one, love.” Marcella fought to keep the irritation from her voice. “We all want a relationship with a nice man. Someone to love and to be with.”
Edie didn’t respond. Her plain round face slowly turned red. She bit her bottom lip, like she was holding her words and her hope inside.
Marcella took a deep breath. “Love, trust me, you are better off not pinning all your hopes on every cute guy you see.”
Was she crying?
“Honey, men today are messed up. They’re all pick up artists or mama’s boys. No one wants a relationship any more. Not since Tinder."
“I’m lonely.” Edie whispered. “I haven’t had a date in ten months. Ten months. No one wants me.”
“Come on love, that’s just not true. Guys love you. You just haven’t found the right one yet.”
“Stop telling me shit you know isn’t real. I’m old and I’m tired. My body can’t keep up-”
“Your body is just fine. Why d’you keep putting yourself down?”
“-with all those younger women.”
“Edie you have to be patient.”
“I’m tired of being patient! I just want someone to love me for me. Not because I have breasts that look like frigging rockets or something.”
“Your breasts do look like rockets.” Marcella moved a little closer.
“Big ones?” Edie sniffed again.
“Really big ones. They’re so big, they’re bigly.” Marcella giggled.
“Don’t laugh, I’m really getting worried. I don’t want to be an old cat lady.”
“With rockets like yours, you’ll probably be an astronaut.”
“Tell me about the dentist then. I hope he’s cute.”
“Well… he’s tall.” Edie’s voice gained strength. “And dark. And really tall.” She giggled. The sound was thin and quivering.
“Is he handsome, love?”
“He’s tall and dark, and, when it’s dark, he’s very handsome.” Edie laughed out loud.
“Does he know you like him?”
“He will. I’ve been stalking him good. He gets groceries from Walmart and I know he likes Applebees. I saw him there Karaoke night. Sometimes he puts garbage out in his underwear.”
“Ok Edie, Ok. I hope one day you’ll tell him.”
Marcella examined her face in the mirror. In the reflection, Edie’s plain face looked back at her. Stringy blonde hair lay limp around patchy red skin. Garish red lipstick slashed a jagged line across thin lips set above quivering double chins. Their eyes were the same. Big and caramel brown.
Edie squared her jaw. “I’ll tell him. I have to grab him first though.” Her voice trembled. I have chains and everything in the van.”
“Sweetie all you have to do is ask him to help you lift something. Men love to help. Maybe he could put it in the van?”
“Good idea. And when he leans in the van-”
“-I will inject him with something. Maybe Suxamethonium. Did you get it, love?”
“Oh yes. It was easy. I just took it from the ‘frigerator. The other nurses won’t miss it.”
In the mirror, they smiled at each other.
“Do we have a plan my precious?” Marcella asked her reflection.
“Definitely.” Edie said. “It’s Tuesday. He works late after everyone leaves, we can wait.”
Soon they would catch one. Very soon.
Umm, so I don't know where this came from. But it creeps me out just a little. Hope you guys enjoyed the twist. Grinning.
Image courtesy Pixabay.