A Primer on Showing Versus Telling

If you have ever taken a writing class at any level, you should be familiar with the adage “Show, don’t tell.” This mantra, smashed into the skull of every student unlucky enough to take a creative writing class, seems silly at first, but makes sense once we begin to notice how detrimental that telling can be to a piece of literature.

The most consistent method for "telling" is the abuse of adverbs.

Adverbs are defined as “a word or phrase that modifies or qualifies an adjective, verb, or other adverb or a word group, expressing a relation of place, time, circumstance, manner, cause, degree, etc.” Stephen King said that the road to hell is paved with adverbs, but I disagree.

Hell was built with adverbs.

The problem with the majority of pieces with adverbs is they use adverbs unnecessarily, often in sentences where better word choice would be far more effective.

HINT:
If the verb cannot stand on its own,
pick a better verb.
When you can’t find a better verb,
THEN use an adverb.

Original:
Charlie quickly ran across the field.

Solution
Charlie ran across the field.

In this example, the modifier is unneeded. The verb “ran” implies that his movement is quick; therefore, "quickly" needs to be removed.

Original:
Charlie quickly went down the stairs.

Here, “went down” is a weak combination of a verb and adverb. Unlike the example above, “went down” does not signify how Charlie descended the stairs, creating a misguided need in the writer’s mind. Rather than succumb to this trap, select a verb that tells the reader what they need to know.

Solution:
Charlie sprinted down the stairs.
Charlie barreled down the stairs.
Charlie flew downstairs.

I have lovingly coined this phenomenon Stephanie Meyeritis. For those of you who have not read Twilight, she is primarily responsible for the trend of new Young Adult writers who match just about every verb with an adverb and every noun with four adjectives. In a single five page span, I counted over forty unnecessary adverbs. This is unacceptable.

Original

Dave slowly exhaled and impatiently tapped on his leg. He began to get really antsy, and his right leg quickly bounced up and down. The fact Allen was always late was really annoying.

Suddenly, Allen ran in. “Dude, you won’t believe it,” he loudly exclaimed.

“What is it, bro?” he questioned, inquisitively.

He stared blankly at Dave, “I forgot.” Allen sighed dejectedly.

Let’s bolden the adverbs.

Dave slowly exhaled and impatiently tapped on his leg. He began to get really antsy, and his right leg quickly bounced up and down. The fact Allen was always late was really annoying.

Suddenly, Allen ran in. “Dude, you won’t believe it!” he loudly exclaimed.

“What is it, bro?” he questioned, inquisitively.

He stared blankly at Dave, “I forgot.” Allen sighed dejectedly.

So, what’s the problem?

There are details here, and we love details, but the details in this paragraph are overbearing and insignificant.

Matt, why are they overbearing?

As a reader, I can imply information through the character’s actions. When someone taps on their leg, I can conclude that they are anxious or impatient. If Allen runs into the room, I know that it’s sudden because he wasn’t there previously, and now he’s there. If Allen’s section of speech ends with an exclamation mark, I can tell that he’s either loud or excited or both.

So on, so forth.

Matt, why are the details insignificant?

The author has gone through the trouble of telling me how to see the scene, but not what to see. The lack of imagery leaves me lost to piece together what I can from the way things are happening.

Solution

Dave exhaled and began drumming on his black skinny jeans. He bounced his legs with the ball of his Doc Martens and stared at the red, triangular clock hanging above the bed. His right hand massaged his temple, and he tilted his neck to the left.

Allen burst through the door, eyes bulging, “Dude, you won’t believe it!

“What is it bro?” Dave asked.

Allen stood in the doorway, mouth agape, “I forgot.”

While this “solution” is by no means perfect, the details that are provided tell me exactly what the first paragraph did, AND give me some concrete images to project in my brain. Dave’s impatience is visual, Allen’s excitement is obvious, and the scenery now exists where there was none.

I’ve said it before,
and I will say it again for anyone who feels like getting defensive:
adverbs ARE necessary.

Yes!
Adverbs are necessary.

The important piece of all this is an understanding of when they are necessary. The fewer adverbs required, the stronger the writing and the overall piece is.

But, Matt! You HAVE to tell, sometimes!

There will be moments in your writing in which telling will be more effective than showing. They include:

• When you have to cover a massive amount of ground in a short period of time.
• When you're writing in first person and glazing over events fits the character.
• When a scene needs a quick pace.
• When the scene isn't important.
• When it fits the writing.
• Backstory.

Okay, so you don't want me to tell you...
How do I show?

There are a number of ways that you can show your reader events or information without coming out and dumping information on them. In my opinion, the two most effective strategies are:

Dialogue

This is my favorite method of showing. Rather than using omniscient point of view to keep your reader up to speed, have your characters do it through conversation.

Jim was sad she had cancer.

vs.

"Hey, you seem down. How's the chemo going?" Jim asked.

"Rough," she responded.

Building through this method allows the information to flow naturally, rather than in a forced exposition dump. You can also use dialogue tags and actions within the text to reveal the present mood of the character.

Use First Person Point of View

While this is regarded as cheating by some, first person allows the character to describe their personal state without coming off omniscient.

I couldn't figure out why Jim was so sad. I knew he was going through chemo, but he looked even rougher after his last treatment.

Here, you get a sense of what the character is thinking, how the secondary character feels, and a build the anticipation for a reveal of some sort. While the narrator is telling, it creates an emotional connection through a shared experience with the narrator.

What's the Point?

Telling, the overuse of adverbs, and all other methods of dumping information can be broken down as symptom of a larger problem. The major culprit, when it comes to telling, is overwriting.
Overwriting is a symptom of insecurity. We do it because we are trying to clarify something we believe the reader will miss.

In general reminder, readers do not need their hands held, readers can infer information, and if they can't, weak writing is likely to blame, so next time you proofread your post, look for the moments when you are holding your reader's hand. Then, remove them. This will not only make your reader happy, but make your writing more crisp and more engaging.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Did I unnecessarily use any adverbs? Let me know in the comments.