MY FIRST TIME
This story is written for @stach Short Story Contest #13: 199 words based on MY FIRST TIME. It has 197 words ;-) Task wasn't easy, but i tried with a little bit darker approach :-)
MY FIRST TIME
I'm standing in front of a wall, looking at a simple message written a long time ago:
This is my first time.
Below this statement, there is more text. I try to read it, aware of the tension that grows deep inside me. The words are red. They speak a strange tale. Somehow I feel I can believe them.
I'm trying to remember. I'm so confused. If the text is telling the truth, the dead woman next to me was my fiancée; it was the woman I loved endlessly and then killed her in cold blood.
It was her betrayal. I couldn’t bear it, but I was saved by the voice. It told me what should be done. This is my first time, I wrote with her blood after I stabbed her. After I learned that she lied to me about her first time.
The voice promised I will enjoy it forever. Since then I live this day again and again. Endless loop of justified sin and bloody text to remind me of it.
Soon, everything will start to repeat itself. I feel a bit nervous about that.
It will be my first time.
I kept this page open overnight, so as to think about it. Not whether it is well written, I think it is, just on whether I should comment.
This is not the kind of story I usually read, I try to avoid stories that show me how nasty life can be; I reckon real life doles out enough of that
however, the truth is, maybe because you tried to understate everything, I liked your story.
Does my comment sound confusing? That's okay, I too am confused.
:)
Hey, its not confusing comment I know exactly what you wanted to say. I have some dark themed short works ready to be translated, so I will probably post more of them here :-)
Personal hell usually repeats like a Groundhog Day. Well constructed, @hidden84.
Thanks :-)
I like that a lot. Well done. Can you re-write it, but ten times longer, say?
Hey, I love to hear that you liked the story. I could make it longer, maybe will do it in the future :-)
Start with an idea you like, the blurb, say. Then, expand it writing it out ten times longer, Have a break / re-think and then re-write it again, ten times longer still. Just this time adding much more detail, dialogue etc. If at each stage, you can produce something that you're prepared to rave about then you could just be onto something with that story. So re-write it ten times longer, still....
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