[SHORT STORY] Dust Devil - Part 01

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

Hey guys, a short preword before we get into this.

What you're about to read is the first draft of this short story. So stuff will be changed here and there before its final version. I decided, since I haven't posted anything in a week, and I've done several writing tips, that I should show off my writing chops to you guys. :)

There are a lot of fun elements in this one. The world that this story is based in, is actually run by crypto currency, although that's not a plot point during this story. Just wanted to say thanks to all the amazing writers here on Steemit that got me familiar with BitPunk. So ye, if you're into that, you'll get a taste of it in this story. ;)

Each part will be around 1000 -1500 words. Gonna try to not make it too long in terms of number of parts. It is a short story after all, so it shouldn't take too many to finish it. :)

Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!



[Transaction complete.]

Roe flicked her display away, clearing up her vision. The man in front of her exhaled an audible sigh of relief, through his oxygen mask.

“This is very good, very good indeed Roe.” The man said. Roe merely nodded. The man continued. “Yes, much more Cassis than last time.”

They were standing, alone, surrounded by the phantoms of her mother. The afternoon wind was starting to pick up, and her Display told her the temperature was a solid minus fifty degrees Fahrenheit. The shivering man standing opposite her, Stix, could attest to that. She however, did not feel the cold, she never felt the cold.

Since it was still afternoon, the air was rather humid, making the aforementioned wind feel much harsher than it would in summer. Stix, garbed in the customary black Martian furs, continued to shiver. She could see his small red oxygen mask getting foggier from his breath.

“The pledge has been accepted then?” Roe asked.

“It has.” Stix said, voice muffled by his mask. He flicked a finger in the air, dismissing his Display, and extended his hand.

Roe looked down, at the small red spear she was clutching in her hand. She was always reluctant to hand them over. She felt like she deserved the entire bounty of her hunt, and not just –

“Hey, Hunter!” Stix snapped. “I don’t know if your Display is busted or something, but it’s freezing. Not everyone has Artificials like you!”

Roe blinked at the outburst. She often forgot how hard it must be for these unaltered humans. She handed the spear over. Stix grabbed for it eagerly. After he fastened her bounty on his belt, he gave Roe a small pouch. Roe swiftly opened it, and exhaled as she saw the magnificent green leaves inside. “Thank you.” She said, closing the pouch tight with a string.

“If you and your people ever need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.” Stix turned. “Provided you can harvest appropriate Cassis, of course.” He said over his shoulder.

Roe glared at him, as Stix jogged down the empty boulevard. She stood there, watching him. The man ducked into a small building at the end of the boulevard. He hid his Speeder behind a different building each time they met, as if Roe would ever consider stealing it.

Roe turned, it was time to get back home. She walked through a huge patch of whitened flowers and grass. She assumed the patch was once one of the Surface Dwellers so called parks. Another one of their failed imitations of mother’s beauty. She did not respond to Stix’s farewell; it was always the same. You are only welcomed as long as you have the Cassis. Roe thought, annoyed. Stix knew her people had no choice in the matter, and the Surfacer had the gall to rub it in her face. Her anger dissipated, slowly. Let them keep their rocks, their shackles. Their folly is our freedom.

These thoughts engulfed her as she exited the park and entered a small dome shaped building. She reflected on how she now knew what this place was. A destroyed refuge for the Surface Dwellers. A “city”. Her people called this place the phantoms of mother, as the prevalent white color contrasted so starkly to mother’s surface. Roe moved inside the white tube separating the station from the city. She always hated when she entered one of these, the slight tint of red at the end of it always gave her patience however. She soon exited the tube and reached the transit station proper. And the beauty that unfolded before her.

The red wastes of Mother Mars. Even in this humid weather, they still seemed to shine for Roe. It baffled her that the Surface Dwellers would live in those domes, with all the things they knew, she would have thought they would think of a way to live out here – in mother’s embrace.

Roe sighed. The station was, as per usual, empty. She stood there, amidst benches, and hauling winds, motionless in her black padded clothing. The sound of a ding, coming from her Display, woke her from her stupor. The train was almost here.

She moved to the boarding platform, the only square in the station painted black, and surveyed the vast red landscape in front of her. She turned, seeing the huge, and empty, phantom. It was good to her this day, she nodded her thanks to the ancestor, as the train silently arrived. If it wasn’t for the shift in air current, Roe would have not even noticed the train stopping. It was that silent.

Roe turned and entered the empty train car. She scanned her palm on the Identification Display, the doors behind her slid shut, and the train started to move again.

She sat where she usually did, in the back. The train car was small, only able to seat around ten people. Of course she never saw anybody else using one of these. Roe glanced outside the window, marveling in mother’s simplistic elegance. Here, Mother Mars was the most beautiful, where she was bare, no Artificials built a top it’s rocky landscape to hamper her natural beauty. Humans always wanted to destroy, by making everything more complicated.

She activated her Display, navigating to her Cassis balance. She noted that the Martian currency has remained stable for its five-hundredth consecutive week. Roe despised using the coins, but the Martian’s insisted on –

A sudden beep from her Display almost made her jump, the car was slowing down, they were about to stop on another station. But, how? This had never happened before. Another passenger? If so, that could mean one of two things: an adventurous Martian braving the wilds, or worse – a Hunter from a rival Catevra, coming back home as she was.

Roe tensed, activating her Defense System. Her black padded clothing suddenly enclosed on itself, becoming tighter – stronger. She took out a small black leather hilt from her belt, and aimed it in the door’s direction. As the train continued to slow down, a thin crimson blade shot out of the handle, producing her Gladio. Roe angled herself as to give her the most reach at the incoming passenger – the most defensive posture possible.

One had to be ever cautious, ever careful – when dealing in the wilds of Mother Mars.

Part 2

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What is cassis and why do I want to eat it.

It's a crypto currency.

why do I want to eat it.

PM me your inbox, I'll see what I can do. ;)

Certainly ready to see what happens next!
Also, for some reason, I really like that we're following someone other than the standard human.
Keep it up! ^_^

Thanks! Glad you stopped by!

The cliff hangers get even nastier in the next couple parts :D

awesome stuff @grocko - when is the next part? I need to read it!

Can't wait for more :D Nice start

Nice work. Scene well set and I can hardly wait for the next part.

Thank you, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Great start, looking forward to reading the followup episodes. I saw your link at # fiction-workshop on Discord, and thought I'd come over,read, and give some support.

I wrote a novel for Nano last year, where they ended up on Mars, so looking forward to reading your depictions, and story.

Hey, thanks for checking it out!

Since it's a short story it won't have that many parts, maybe around five more? Something like that.

Cool, well I am following you now, so I will keep an eye out for them.

Good work! I really like it. Can't wait for the next part.

I'm an OCD curator and i would like to nominate your post for our daily compilation post. You just need to reply this message and it might get you more attention and votes. Just be sure this is your own work otherwise please reply NOT no this comment.


This gem of a post was discovered by the OCD Team!

Reply to this comment if you accept, and are willing to let us share your gem of a post! By accepting this, you have a chance to receive extra rewards and one of your photos in this article may be used in our compilation post!

You can follow @ocd – learn more about the project and see other Gems! We strive for transparency.

Yeah, you can share it. Thanks for the eyeballs!

Thanks man! I'll keep you posted.

Hey your short story made it to the compilation post. You should check it out at @ocd. Thanks for letting me share it.

You a G. Thank youu!

Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by grocko from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.

If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.

A wonderful write. I like the precise details without it being too mechanical. So well done. I eagerly await the next part. Now, hurry up!

Haha, thank you so much!

No, really. Get off the computer and start writing. :))

I'm writing on the computer though...

Great stuff, I'll await episode 2 eagerly :)

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

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