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RE: Uncontrollable Laughter

in #writing8 years ago

I think the last time you've shown me a poem you wrote was... 9 years ago? Something like that.

I am particularly fond of the final segment, where you repeat the same line twice:

It hurts / just like our love / it hurts / just like our love/ So worth it.

That was good. We'll get you back to being the poet your name declared you as :P

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Interesting, I didn't notice that. I wrote it as 4 lines each, and I was thinking about removing the line breaks to make it so:

1
2
3
4

1
2
3
4
etc.

But the portion you mentioned is 5 lines, so if I did it that way, it wouldn't exist.
And now that you point it out, I really like it too!

If you check my poems, I tend to have the last stanza break the format, whether by having it be an extra line, having a separated line, or introducing rhyming after not doing it in the other sections.

I think the ending should stick, and making it stand out by rules-breaking in it helps you do so.

You're still missing a line somewhere to end up with 4-4-5 though. Might be worth going for it. I'd put it just before the first "It hurts," as the final line in the second stanza.

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