It flew through the air seemingly unaffected by the constraints gravity exerted on earthly things - Weak and puny things obviously...Not like my bike of course. It soared cutting through the air better than an F-35 Lightning II (Raptor) fighter jet ever could and somehow it was all happening in slow-motion. It just rose, rode the thermals like an eagle, graceful. It was freedom, it was control; It was life lived to the extreme, boundless.
I rode upon that bike as it soared that day. I sat atop it like Bellerophon upon Pegasus as he rode into battle against the fire-breathing Chimera; Mighty steed and powerfully-muscled, adonis-like rider brought together by fate - Fearless, all-knowing, brave beyond compare and dashingly handsome.
The Pegasus-bike reached its zenith and I looked down below, the earth a green and blue globe below me - People, the mere mortals, even smaller - Ants hardly worthy of my notice. What passed as a smile on my handsome face, more of a curling of my lip resembling disdain, formed briefly and then I reached upwards with one pleasing-to-the-ladies-muscled-arm and grasped a souvenier-star from the constellations around me and then downward I went, back towards the earth and the mortals that would hail me and my magnificence.
I landed on terra-firma, my muscled-body tensing for the impact, although my skills, prowess at riding my Pegasus-bike, meant the touch-down was measured, controlled, and of course suitably stylish...And how the masses worshipped my greatness, my magnificence.
My Pegasus-bike ran on a little and then my finely-tuned body reigned it in, caused it to perform a splendidly-executed skid, coming to rest in the same awe-inspiring manner in which I did everything. As the dust cleared I was revealed in all my glory; Muscled frame, hair perfectly in place and a star from the heavens glinting in one hand...But not shining as brightly as me, myself.
In my minds eye that's how it happened. In reality, hmm, not so much.
Back to the [real] story...
I was eleven years old; A brownish kid, not skinny, but not muscled either...Just sort of average. Well, I was cute as fuck as a kid so I'm going to claim it. I was average in nature, but cute - Trust me, I wouldn't lie to you.
It was a day like most others, summer holidays, and I was riding my bike around at home with my older brother. It didn't resemble Pegasus at all - In fact it was one of those chopper-style bikes from the late 1970's and was, of all colours, yellow. It was mine though and I loved it.
As boys do we were getting into mischief. I was just recovering from a bike-related ball-crushing in which my testicles had incurred [thankfully] no damage, but copious amounts of pain. You can read about that lamentable day here if you would like. It seems I hadn't learned my lesson though and here I was staring down the barrel of yet another older-brother-suggested debacle that had a high chance of injuring the little brown me.
He had dared me to jump my bike off the verandah, an almost 5-foot-high concrete verandah that ran around our house. I, being me, decided I was up to the challenge.
I used no ramp, had very little run up and pretty-much no damned clue but what's the worst that can happen, I thought in my -glory-seeking hubris.
I took a few test run-ups to the precipice of my doom and then decided the time to realise my ultimate glory was upon me and the inevitable could be delayed no longer.
I stood up on those pedals and raced towards my ultimate destiny. The edge loomed quickly and before long I was there...The bike...
...Nose-dived straight down to the ground taking me with it. When the front wheel hit it stopped dead momentarily, and in that moment I kept going forward with the momentum. My coconuts took a glancing blow from the seat before finding the frame of the bike...Thwack! I'm not sure but I think one popped out and rolled into the rose bushes.
I kept going though, my ultimate destiny wasn't finished with me yet. My ribs hit the handlebars down low where the stem meets the frame. Craaaack! Fractured rib.
But no, it wasn't over - Destiny still had some lessons to teach me before it sat back and laughed...
I kept going...And Crunch...My face hit terra firma, but not as gently as I touched-down in my minds-eye-version.
Finally coming to a rest, labouring for breath, bleeding from the nose, several grazes and a cut plus one testicle making a mad dash for freedom I looked around and that's when I heard it...Nope, not the caring and tender voices of angels from on high come to soothe my battered body...My asshole older brothers' laughter. Plus his mocking words of..."Should have used a ramp ya dick.!" - Really, ya think?
I couldn't speak of course and so just groaned, tried to blink away the tears and, as you would expect, worried about my beloved bike. Although, having said that I was about ready to break that fucking thing in half. [If it was Pegasus I would have shot it for sure.]
I've attained some reasonably impressive sporting results in my time...This, of course, was not among them. It taught me some valuable lessons though; I'll list them:
- Use a ramp
- Get a BMX bike
- Don't accept my brother's challenges
Only one of those things happened though...We built a ramp. My parents couldn't afford to get me a BMX bike and for some reason I always seemed to face challenges head on - Literally it seems. I've always had tenacity and the ability to push limits which has stuck with me to this day. I add common sense into the mix now though.
And what about that testicle that made a break for it?
You'll be pleased to know that it hadn't actually left the safety of my nutsack. It was just crushed so badly that I thought I only had one left. It came good though although I have no children and I wonder if the abuse my balls copped as a young kid are responsible for that fact.
I healed though and have no lasting effects except that my nose looks like it was face-planted in the dirt a few times...Which it has been. Adds to my ruggedness? Naw, makes me look like I face-planted the ground a few times.
For those who have kept up to date with the stories of my youth and sporting endeavours I hope you enjoyed this one...If you have any of your own please share in the comments. Don't tell me about that time you won first place and got a medal though...I want stories of your stupidity, pain and suffering...I shared mine and there's more to come, so come on, give it up!
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
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