TONIGHT: Stay or Leave?

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let me swallow my pride and ask....
Can you hold me tonight?
I know it’s probably a stupid question,
Because I was the one that walked out on what we had.
But if you just hold me tonight,
I might discover that the abyss into which I feared you were drawing me would actually contain all the love and joy my life would need.
.
.
Can I kiss you tonight?
Even if as two strangers passing side by side…
We pause for a brief moment until our lips touch.
The taste you leave in my mouth could remind me of the peace and warmth I once had up till the moment I took it for granted and traipsed away.
.
.
Can we share a bed?
And have a night of nights!
No matter the activities we fill it with,
Nature would still nudge you to sleep, and try with me too.
But it won’t succeed.
It won’t succeed because I’d lie awake brooding about the loss of my identity, as everything we don’t do your way, we don’t get to do.
I’d stare into empty space, worrying afresh about your endless fretting;
And how your need to control my life pisses me off. I'd worry about how we are not fit for each other, always aware, upbeat, and bright-eyed about your endless inklings.
.
.
Every time I let you go, I miss you.
Every time I draw you close, I spot a million reasons why I should let you go.