Like a Madman I am - Absurd Oddities or What You Shouldn't Know About Me
I come with a warning label: Not for everyone! Apparently. What the hell is this all about? Perhaps, this is the introduce myself in a different way, the over glorification of my negative aspects, if you find yourself simply unsatisfied with the above description. You see, it’s hard to describe myself, I even find that difficult to understand. I have already told some of you that through my writing, I will leave pieces of me. I’m not that person who will put all her information out there, there are just some things that I would rather not reveal unless I decide to see people’s true colors. It is not out of paranoia, it is simply because it is easier for me to share my life and otherworldliness. I would rather leave some parts of me to your imagination, ha!
My portfolio is like a weather forecast as you would have probably observed by now, a series of unhappy endings, meaningless tragedies and my daily emotional climate documented. As I resigned to blissful destitution and solitary confinement, I continue to contemplate and recollect my travels, before I begin another great adventure. I speak less and I write more. I would rather let the crowd see me through my writings and leave the other insignificant factors such as cultural background left unknown. Let me just take pleasure in my preserved anonymity.
I had traveled but I despise all cultures. I can respect it, but it is a major factor why people behave the way they do. Once upon a time, a baby was born - innocent, happy and free. Then cultures happened. I also believe that nationalism is a sickness. I love where I am from and I love other worlds outside of it, but I do not want to belong. I want out of labels and I do not want to be part of a territory. I think the whole trouble in this world started with the word - 'mine'.
If you are not a fan of people or civilization, bad news, travel is not for you. As it will open your mind and give you a fresh perspective of the world, it might even challenge your beliefs. That was what actually happened to me. I was like the classic introvert who went to a big party for the first time. I guess I was just too stubborn to lead an ordinary life.
Physically, I'm not very tall. I look like an innocent little girl in person. A crazy woman-child. Maybe that's why I can forgive some travelers for their third-world assumption. I can be downright stupid in many ways but asking me basic questions like if I know the name of this international bank, or if I know what a projector is, just make me want to beat the hell out of them if only it is not illegal. Good thing there is sarcasm. Sarcasm is next to oxygen.
I've been called weird many times, but that is actually an understatement. I am beyond weirdness. I don't like small talks, and I feel uncomfortable in a group with different characters talking at the same time or eagerly waiting for their turn. I told my ex-boyfriend once to never put me in a group, or I will run away. Guess what, I ran away.
I'm a rebel that's true. I rejected authority since I was a kid. And when I was a kid, I didn't like other kids. I had issues with corporate management, police, overprotective mother, school authorities and possessive ex-boyfriends. I guess I have a history of people who wanted to impose strict rules on me. No more control.
I can be hyperactive and random, that I would just invite you to go somewhere to watch the stars. I laugh like no one's around, tell obscure jokes and share my shadowy world through humor. Then I can retire in silence like I just didn't know you and what just happened. I like solitary walks in nature. I'm a recluse. I can be diagnosed with all these deadly mental illnesses, but I'll probably just cut my ear one time.
I can just write about all these contradictions in my personality, and probably make something creative out of the chaos. If you can't relate, then too bad, so sad. I would like to meet original natures out there marked with the same stamp of personality. I would like to share the pain and madness. In the end, what is important is that I am happy.
Before following me, please check my previous posts. I usually write about my travels or whatever my distorted mind has to offer. If you follow me and you're not really interested with that, then you'll only be disappointed! Unfollow @diabolika
I've visited a few blogs today where i feel the comments haven't really been up to scratch....................................................................
Anyways, thanks for sharing your mind again today @diabolika, always a pleasure, never a chore.
I'm a fan of introverts who need alone time to recharge, and sarcasm well.... i'm not being a dick can't you see i'm smiling! :D
follow @diabolika
Hahaha, me sarcastic? Never!
lol.
Thanks for commenting as always.
Many parts of this sounded very much like my personality! Small talk, group discussions, rebelling from authority, being called weird for having my own opinion.. Nice post. It was certainly unique :) I enjoyed it.
I gave you a follow :) Talk soon.
Thank you for the upvote btw lol. Goodluck! :)
My pleasure :)
We should engage in each other's content more often. Talk soon :)
I mean thank you for the comment lol. Sure as long as it's honest. :) Thanks.
I will try and stay current with the content you put out :) Stay awesome!
I wonder if happiness really is what's important. I've recently come to the realization that I'm mostly only happy in retrospect. I can be in the middle of an amazing experience in an exotic location, and I'll just be kind of "meh" about it. Not that I sit around saying everything sucks. I do realize when I'm in the middle of a great experience, but I never feel the way I expect to feel. It usually takes a few weeks or months before I can look back and think about how "happy" I was.
I went camping with my family last week and never felt very enthusiastic about being there. I was in a beautiful location with my favorite people, but I was thinking about being elsewhere. My initial instinct was to beat myself up for not having as much fun as everyone else, but that just makes things worse. Instead, I realized that my happiness from that experience would come in time. I let myself be not-quite-happy and made an extra effort to participate in the experience. The trip was great and I'm confident that I'll get a lot of happiness from the memories.
I believe accepting unhappiness may ultimately be more beneficial than finding happiness. Happiness and contentment are important, but at the end of the day, they are just chemicals running through a brain. Even if a person's brain doesn't make as much happy juice as everyone else, I'd imagine that they can still have a "happy" life by accepting their perceived lack of happiness.
I bring all this up, not to argue, but on the off chance that some of your introverted-ness comes from a persistent mild unhappiness or dissatisfaction, like me. I haven't written this idea down before so I still don't know if it's bullshit or not, but I've been thinking about happiness lately and your last sentence brought some of those thoughts to the surface.
Love your posts! Sorry about the long comment. Brevity is not one of my strengths :)
Believe me, when I was actually in that situation, those things I write about now, I think most of the time I was not really happy or thrilled. That I become only happier now as I write and remember.
I was in a paradise for months then I was like "meh", the place, the people just lose their charm. When I try to recollect my travel experiences, I just realized that those really made me happy, good or bad.
When I say happy, it's like a general feeling. Not really running amok, or getting excited. I can't remember how many times in a day I'm feeling blue or totally dissatisfied with my life, but I try not to stay in that state. It might sound strange to you, but it means being happy when you're sad, angry, alone, or thrilled. It's pouring your emotion into the present, feeling and accepting it. I like myself for just being me, and I like the fact that I don't need to change or anything. I just like the way I am and it makes me happy inside.
Because nothing has to be changed in order to be happy, it's an inside job.
I understand. I think discussing happiness is like discussing art or love. The definition changes depending on context or the person using it. I took the last sentence of your post and went off on a not-very-related tangent. I hope you don't mind me working out some of my thoughts in your comment section.
This! Exactly!
For me, it's being confident that the low times are temporary, and if I simply keep putting one foot in front of the other, I'll inevitably get to a better place. It's knowing that the high times are also temporary and to soak up as much of those times as possible.
It would have been easy for me to fall into despair when I was homeless and recycling cans for food money. But knowing things would turn around kept me relatively upbeat and minimally anxious. Confidence that things would improve ended up with me getting 100 times more than what I had originally dreamed of.
It would have been easy to be devastated by a good relationship ending if I had believed that happy times were permanent. Instead, I enjoyed the hell out of the good times and accepted it when that particular chapter of my life was over. It wasn't painless, but it wasn't a mortal blow either. Same with making great friends on the road, it's important to focus on now, and not the "goodbye" looming over the horizon.
Good Lawd! This was supposed to be a 1 or 2 sentence reply. Better stop here before this thing turns into a novella. Fun talkin' with ya!
I'm a master of unhappy endings and I had a fair share of sad and bad experiences while on the road. But in the end, I only focus on things that matter to me. The bad experiences happened to teach me lessons in life. I let go of this illusion that people are here to make me happy, it's not like that. I learned how to be happy on my own, and be happier when there's a good company. But I try to be a complete person, I try because I'm still a work in progress.
Thanks for your words.
This is the best way to live! At least, that's what I have found in my experience :)
Be you. Be the person who you want to be. The only person who can judge you is yourself. Be thankful for every day you wake up. Make every day into what you want it to be. And above all, Enjoy it! :)
Thank you! :) I appreciate your kind words.
I once said that nationalism is the ultimate divide and conquer, and the main brainwashing tool for the masses. You might not be for everybody indeed, but your words are not food... they're icecream for my thoughts ❤🌻
This is the best thing I've read today, thank you! :)
Another interesting and thought provoking post. I can appreciate your desire for freedom, as I interpret what you have written. It smells like freedom to me, which isn't so much being able to do whatever you want, but not having to do something you don't want to do. A much more liberating way of viewing freedom in my opinion. Of course, standing up for that position these days will indeed get you labeled with a mental illness of some kind. Oh well, everybody's got one these days apparently...
True that.
I feel it liberating to just let go and be myself. Mental illness you said? I know Haha. But I don't care anymore, in the end, people will always have something to say no matter what. So be mad! :)
The most important thing is to be happy, sometimes it's hard to understand what makes you happy, but we always should strive to figure it out
I agree, it's an inside thing. :)
I watched a video today about the difference between male and female brains.
This post has received a 0.52 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.
I thinks so your life is the best now