Day 829: 5 Minute Freewrite CONTINUATION: Monday - Prompt: enjoy the day
“So, did you enjoy the day, Grandmother?”
That was Captain H.F. Lee, as he walked his grandmother Selene Slocum-Lofton to her apartment door that night. They were neighbors, as it happened, for she kept an apartment downtown in addition to her house on Jonathan Lofton Avenue. She was in no. 424, down the hall and around the corner from the grandson she had been estranged from for 27 years … until that very weekend.
“Yes, Henry, I did. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Thank you for inviting me.”
Mrs. Slocum-Lofton had been in charge of the toppings buffet for the Good Neighbors Fellowship's Weekly Oatmeal Feed, and she had kept that buffet full of raisins, slivered almonds, walnuts, and other abundances. Like her grandson, a colonel in the army before becoming a captain in Big Loft, VA's police force, she was well-accustomed to the habits of effective command, and enjoyed having a positive application of it.
There had been so many negative ones … for decades, Mrs. Slocum-Lofton had been matriarch of a family whose growth she had largely stifled emotionally and spiritually, at least in the generation nearest to her. Part of the result she had gone to go see after returning from the Weekend Oatmeal Feed in Tinyville … her great-nephew, Willis Jr., in the hospital after his father accidentally shot him while trying to murder a servant – Mr. Rufus Foster – for just announcing why he was leaving.
Part of the result was that entire branch of the Slocum-Lofton family being in complete disarray when they could not find a way to settle down again around Mrs. Slocum-Lofton. Cedar Court, where they had owned all the houses, had burned down in the Ridgeline Fire. So: all those seniors and near-seniors were going through a delayed adolescence and transition to adulthood, since the apron strings had been burned up.
Now, Mrs. Slocum-Lofton could see her part in all of that disaster … her eyes had been opened by the grandson she hadn't been able to stifle, upon whom she had taken the cruelest of revenges only to find that he was able to revenge the revenge – just because his Lee grandfather had stopped him just short did not diminish the point that in him, in power and hate, as she had met it in love with his grandfather Aaron Slocum-Lofton, she had met her match!
But, that grandson returned to Lofton County of a different spirit entirely … and, after noting that, Grandmother Selene was moved to make two tiny gestures of peace. Those were hers to make, because she had caused the breach in the first place, and was 42 years older... she had just hoped that they could stop hurting each other.
Nothing could have prepared her to experience grace, forgiveness, and love from her grandson, when all she had wanted was a cease-fire, some sense of safety after all the devastating events in and around the Ridgeline Fire.
Some sense of safety … elusive in the 47 years since Aaron Slocum-Lofton's death. Mrs. Slocum-Lofton had taken control of everything and everyone he had left and handled it and them as ably as he had prepared her to do so … but control was not sustainable forever, and even when it was at its strongest, it was not safety so far as the soul was concerned. It was like sugar substitute … it came off right superficially, but it didn't satisfy in the end.
Henry Fitzhugh Lee simply would not be controlled by his grandmother … he had established it at 16 and piled on more and more powerful reminders until age 21, when he had taken his entire Slocum-Lofton inheritance and given it to the in-laws – Black in-laws – his grandmother had so hated! 80 percent of Aaron Slocum-Lofton's free cash – that whole trust fund, gone to build the Mortons a billion-dollar company!
But because he had not been controlled, and thus developed into a mature man, he could provide the safety … willingly, such as when he made sure to go inside with his grandmother and turn all the lights on, and make sure everything was the way she needed it before going to bed.
Mrs. Slocum-Lofton said all the pleases and thank yous that few men had heard from her since her husband's death … the presence of a mighty man summoned them out of her without her thinking about it, and then the memories of her husband's love caused even more, and then the memories of why Aaron's grandson was doing for her what she did not deserve caused even more.
Captain Lee could scarcely believe his ears as he was leaving …
“Good night, Aaron. I love you.”
She was 83, and exhausted … conflating the grandson with the grandfather … but it was the “I love you” part that shook him to his core. To whom had Selene Slocum-Lofton said that, and had it said to her, in almost 50 years?
Captain Lee had gone to see his cousin Willis Jr. also on the previous day, while Mrs. Slocum-Lofton was at the jail seeing Willis Sr. He had found out that the second generation out from the Slocum-Lofton grandparents were basically of his opinion about things, but, “our parents weren't as slick as your father, Cousin Hiram [Forster Lee]. Cousin Hiram made sure you got the money and could be free – he understood the whole situation, but our parents are spending up everything they get, and are passing on nothing to us but debt. We're stuck with Aunt Selene too, because of that.”
Necessity, grudging affection, respect … things had been orderly up until the Ridgeline Fire, and peaceful – “Aunt Selene is at least a benevolent if still absolute dictator,” Willis Jr. had said – but after the fire, all the resentments and madness had started to come out the instant the family was not aware of Mrs. Slocum-Lofton every day. “There's been no love and no growth since you left, Cousin Harry, so without her to look up to daily they're all just old adolescents, put out to fend for themselves, and everyone for themselves.”
“This is ridiculous, Willis, but call it an end,” Captain Lee had said. “I see why my sister Sarah and husband Ben stay gone all the time with their children – they're not going to let it go to a third generation, and we're not either. Get well, Willis Jr. We'll go from there.”
Captain Lee had been deeply disturbed by learning all of that … if his Lee grandparents had not adopted him, he would not even have been in a position to have a different life … but his heart yearned for his cousins who had been trapped. The younger ones had not been involved in the hateful celebration of his Black wife's death that the older ones had indulged in … they had different opinions but had been afraid … of Selene Slocum-Lofton, who clearly had not loved them.
But, there it was …
“Good night, Aaron … I love you.”
Captain Lee hesitated at the door. Perhaps she had been as destroyed by her husband's death as he had been by his wife's – he had gone to the Army, and his enemies had learned to fear his wrath, while she had stayed home, and her family had learned to fear her wrath! That would excuse no evil that either of them had done, but, as Captain Lee had learned in finally settling down to the work of recovery, a deep trauma was not just going to go away on its own, and neither were the patterns of behavior.
By all accounts, Captain Lee's maternal grandmother had been a loving wife and mother and aunt for two decades – things had not gone bad until all the Slocum-Lofton brothers of that branch, in a line, had passed on, with Aaron, the eldest, going last. Mrs. Slocum-Lofton was the survivor … with all a survivor's problems hidden underneath an exceedingly strong will and mind and physically strong body. It was not beyond the pale of possibility that she, too, had some PTSD-like things going on, and since she was of the generation before the need for treatment was even thought of, on she had gone for 47 more years. She was exceptionally strong, and even caught herself – “Oh, sorry, Henry – I was half asleep, and dreaming of your grandfather – good night” – but Captain Lee could hear the pain there even as she covered it over.
Captain Lee turned around, walked back, and gave his grandmother a big hug.
“Good night, Grandmother … .”
The Spirit of God helped him with the rest … .
“I love you.”
Mrs. Slocum-Lofton broke down at last, weeping, and Captain Lee just picked her up and sat down with her as she cried herself into a deeply troubled sleep … his conjecture was correct, and the deaths of all the Slocum-Lofton family leaders had haunted her, all those years. “Got to get things under control … everyone has left me … even Aaron … God, how could You … got to do this alone … got to … got to get things in order … Aaron, where are you … God, where are You … Why … got to get things together … I'm all alone … got to be strong … got to do it all …” over and over again.
It broke Captain Lee down as well, to know that all that time he and she had hated each other, they had been suffering the same way. He wept in silence, however, rocking his grandmother and repeating, again and again, “You're not alone, Grandmother … God is here and so am I … just rest … you're not alone any more … God loves you … and so do I.”
At around midnight, Mrs. Slocum-Lofton started and half-woke up … and then stopped wrestling with Captain Lee and wrapped her arms around him, at last settling to a sound, deep sleep. She felt safe at last.
Captain Lee just stayed put … his grandmother was very strong, especially considering her age, and four hours of holding onto her as she went through what she had to go through had completely exhausted him. Mrs. Slocum-Lofton's armchair was big and comfortable just like his at home … he just gave in after a brief prayer and went on to sleep, with her curled up in his lap. All things considered, after nearly 24 years in the Army … there had been much worse days, and nights.
Photo by Dan Freeman on Unsplash