Welcome to my Cryo-Museum [Day 42]

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

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Welcome to my Cryo-Museum


We're happy that you're joining us today!
Do please watch your steps along the hall.
Though dim, the glow diffuse of periwinkle
From the vats of specimens will show the way.

Observe the odd mirage of air a-crinkle;
Anomalies of time shan't hurt you, dears.
If haply you believe a bell to tinkle,
The sparkling of past joy's upon your ears.

Gaze upon the rarities in glass
That display another world with other hues.
Behold the strange distortion of the spheres
That begins as soon as we the entrance pass.

Ignore the cursèd beast who cruelly leers
From the room off to the side, exhibit's closed.
If you focus your sweet eyes 'pon which appears
Direct in front you'll find your worries quick reposed.

For here is youth, and here is rapture-gleam;
And here is warm affection frigid kept.
The geode of the promises of fools
Is unsurpassed in beauty's rarest beam.

And there the scene of knolls and waterfalls
Soft-glimmers on a slate obsidian.
Here, feeling avian aloft enthralls
Despite the lame idyll quotidian.

Next is glee, and then insanity—
Though the latter's locked for safety of our guests.
No matter, jubilation of the former
O'erpowers dark magnetic misery.

Quickly will we stroll beyond, much warmer,
The furnace of rage past a-threatening thaw
Contained the passions and the fiery flaw
By our resident appointed flame-reformer.

As proceed we to the ending of our tour,
Regard the bright regalia on display.
Here the aspiration of the whole
Is made pleasing to the eye, and thus the truer.

Now we must desist, here ends our stroll.
No souvenirs we sell, yet carry hence
The sights and sounds and wonders in your soul
of our cryogenic hall
('least the ones that don't much gall)
And tell the tale to all to truth evince.


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Notes

So continues my verse-poetry-writing streak. The piece itself is loosely based off sonnet form in iambic pentameter, though the rhyme scheme is somewhat irregular and syllable counts vary. Generally, lines with an even number of syllables (10 or 12) begin with an unstressed syllable, and lines with an odd number (7, 9, 11) begin with a stressed syllable. The rhyme scheme at first appears chaotic, but is based on the general pattern of pairs of stanzas ABCA, CDCD. Meaning that the first stanza only rhymes the first and last lines, but the second to last line becomes the first rhyme of the next more familiar alternating rhyme scheme stanza.

There are 5 such pairs, and a couple break this general rule, as well as the last stanza being extended to a sextain with a couple lines of 7 syllables. Here is the entire rhyme pattern: ABCA, CDCD, EFGE, GHGH, IJKI, LMLM, NOPN, PQQP, RSTR, TUTVVU. The challenges of such formulaic writing are manifold: English is a generally rhyme-poor language, multisyllabic terms are not easy to employ in lines of ten or so syllables, and if one is not careful, all the formal considerations will eclipse the actual intended meaning of the piece.

Actually (spoiler alert) the extended metaphor of the cryogenic museum is a tour of my memories/sentiments, with its many tangles, yet preserved in a safe, impersonal manner. Of course, this is both a somewhat humorous writing exercise as well as a contrarian response to my friend Guy's (@geekorner) observation that I don't put much of myself into my poems. Specifically, that my writing tends to "leave him cold." It doesn't get much colder than a frozen museum! [I will take this opportunity to plug again our free in-depth poetry analysis classes that happen every Thursday from 5-7 PM in the Steem Schools Live Class channel in the Steem Schools discord. The only requirement to get your piece reviewed is that you must critique any one poem of your choosing on Steemit by noon UTC on Wednesday. Check the article for more details.]

I'll show the rhyme scheme and syllable count below for the curious. Bold will signify starting with a stressed syllable and Italics will signify starting with an unstressed syllable. I recommend writing verse forms, even if only as a fun and challenging exercise. I often find the results a bit silly, but I'm sure that would improve with practice, and depending on intention. However, there is also value in humorous poetry, not everything has to be heavy and deep.

Syllable and rhyme breakdown


(10)...We're happy that you're joining us today!              [A]
(9)...Do please watch your steps along the hall.             [B]
(11)...Though dim, the glow diffuse of periwinkle        [C]
(11)...From the vats of specimens will show the way.   [A]

(11)...Observe the odd mirage of air a-crinkle;       [C]
(10)...Anomalies of time shan't hurt you, dears.     [D]
(11)...If haply you believe a bell to tinkle,                 [C]
(10)...The sparkling of past joy's upon your ears.    [D]

(9)...Gaze upon the rarities in glass                                   [E]
(11)...That display another world with other hues.       [F]
(10)...Behold the strange distortion of the spheres       [G]
(11)...That begins as soon as we the entrance pass.      [E]

(10)...Ignore the cursèd beast who cruelly leers                        [G]
(10)...From the room off to the side, exhibit's closed.              [H]
(11)...If you focus your sweet eyes 'pon which appears            [G]
(12)...Direct in front you'll find your worries quick reposed.  [H]

(10)...For here is youth, and here is rapture-gleam;        [I]
(10)...And here is warm affection frigid kept.                   [J]
(10)...The geode of the promises of fools                           [K]
(10)...Is unsurpassed in beauty's rarest beam.                  [I]

(10)...And there the scene of knolls and waterfalls  [L]
(10)...Soft-glimmers on a slate obsidian.                     [M]
(10)...Here feeling, avian aloft, enthralls                     [L]
(10)...Despite the lame idyll quotidian.                        [M]

(9)...Next is glee, and then insanity—                                      [N]
(11)...Though the latter's locked for safety of our guests.  [O]
(11)...No matter, jubilation of the former                               [P]
(10)...O'erpowers dark magnetic misery.                                [N]

(10)...Quickly will we stroll beyond, much warmer,   [P]
(10)...The furnace of rage past a-threat'ning thaw      [Q]
(10)...Contained the passions and the fiery flaw          [Q]
(12)...By our resident appointed flame-reformer.        [P]

(11)...As proceed we to the ending of our tour,               [R]
(10)...Regard the bright regalia on display.                       [S]
(9)...Here the aspiration of the whole                                [T]
(11)...Is made pleasing to the eye, and thus the truer.   [R]

(9)...Now we must desist, here ends our stroll.                 [T]
(10)...No souvenirs we sell, yet carry hence                       [U]
(10)...The sights and sounds and wonders in your soul  [T]
(7)...of our cryogenic hall                                                        [V]
(7)...('least the ones that don't much gall)                           [V]
(10)...And tell the tale to all to truth evince.                       [U]


ice_age_by_3lrem-d5zhxb0.jpg


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Written by
@d-pend
4/17/18
.
Image credits

.
1 — "Toulouse on Ice"
[cropped]
2 — "Ice Laden Forest Framed"
3 — "Ice Age"
4 — "Look for the Drifters"

.
Join the Steem Schools
Discord here: https://discord.gg/Ukubp9R

We have free daily poetry classes
on weekdays from 5-7 PM UTC
open to anyone!


ice_age_by_3lrem-d5zhxb0 3.jpgice_age_by_3lrem-d5zhxb0 2.jpg


look_for_the_drifters_by_3lrem-d6pkenx.jpg


Sort:  

What Guy said is partially true @d-pend. It is not so obvious to figure out why you wrote a piece and sometimes I think you don't know why you wrote it either. It seems more of an exercise, pondering or meditation. The end result has made me either relaxed or think deeply after reading. Writing and reading the poem itself is more interesting than the content. Although there have been some poems that revealed what was inside in a direct way like your sweater and deflated.

I may use the form you created today in a response but it looks like a lot of work. Let's see.

And there the scene of knolls and waterfalls
Soft-glimmers on a slate obsidian.
Here, feeling avian aloft enthralls
Despite the lame idyll quotidian

Fantastically written conceptual piece. The museum where memories go to be stored. Wonderfully conceived and handled:)

Amazing. The distorted spheres paragraph reminds me of the Law of One...is it a reference? Jw

Not an intentional one, but that's cool that it was evocative of it!

As I said in class today these three lines just made me feel like I ate 3 weeks of PIE :D

Soft-glimmers on a slate obsidian.
Here, feeling avian aloft enthralls
Despite the lame idyll quotidian.

:-D <3 Three weeks, huh? Given that you can apparently devour 15 pies in a sitting while in tiger form, that's pretty intense!

Thank you for explaining you piece. This is something I always wondered about. This makes perfect sense with the expalnation. I have a wuestion, when you are writing in verse, do you actually think of the rhyming pattern you are gonna use before hand or does it naturally unfold? For me, it is not something I think about but it just natuallry occurs but I see how planning could make it more interesting. Thanks for the detailed break down of this piece.

I love the breakdown of this piece. I really need to start making it to more classes. It’s so hard to break away sometimes even though I don’t have a paying job.

I love the concept here, particularly the way you handle the more dark side of ourselves (beast, insanity, flame). Very creative. Reminds me of our dreams where our memories and feelings crash and coincide, though less chaotic.

Mehn! You have such amazing, talented, gifted, blessed mind and fingers here. I saw your poem the first yesterday, I decided to follow you and I'm more proud of your epic gifting in writing. I love the way you play with words.
Bravo!
@geekis

These rules are quite difficult to handle, in my native language (Spanish) I making poetry beginner but what I liked most were the "tenths", my English is not very good and for poetry I must be terrible lol

Always enjoying poetry... I also write poetry, but only free poetry, never verse-poetry...
This post is adorable cause you can write in such a neat structure...
Love it...😍

Hahaha I'm glad you liked it @zimrofiqi :-)

😀😃 waiting for your next posts @d-pend ...
I am happy to learn more about poetry in this lovely Steemit community...😀😍

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvote this reply.

The robotic pronunciation, though not too bad really, was severely amusing for me in the context of poetry. Thanks @tts.

I've always been afraid to click on @tts's link. You are easily amused. LOL

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