Question #18 Do you let other people do your thinking for you?

A NEW YEAR (A.N.Y.), a new way question series:

On January first, I posted our first article in this series explaining a new way to approach New Year's resolutions. Each day we will explore a different question that challenges us to understand ourselves better. The format will be as follows: I will post the previous day's question with my answer followed by the next day's question for contemplation.

Here is my answer:

Who do you listen to?

Mommy Dearest or Dear ol’ Dad??

Our parents are the two most influential people in our life but that doesn’t mean we should listen to them. We come into the world with somewhat of a clean slate. I don’t want to rule out the aspect of genetic, ancestral, racial memory or genetic memory so that’s why I used the word somewhat. I will leave those topics for another day but I’ve included the links here for interest sake. We entrust our parents to show us the truths of this world and about ourselves. Children have the innate ability to copy 100% of the parent’s negative attributes and I’m guessing 25% of the positive. Most parents try to imprint on us their secrets for success but if they themselves are not successful, what exactly are they imparting? Usually they impart on us what terrifies them and what limits them mentally. The solutions they try to impart for their problems use the same thinking that created them so they are highly ineffective. Don't you think that if it worked they would show you how? They didn't practice what they preached because they didn't know how just talked about it. Instead, we are brainwashed to accept their belief profile as our own or even worse. Step outside your relationship with your parents and take an objective look at them. If you had no emotional attachment to those people would you consider them reliable sources to stake your entire self-image on? I doubt it.

Family or Frenemies??

There are friends and family that may appear to have your best interests at heart but in fact they give you advice to keep you stuck. A friend of mine lived her life as a single person until recently. She used independence as a coping mechanism to deal with her belief profile. She thought that it gave her the appearance of having her life together when in fact emotionally it was a complete mess and she was miserable. Her brother handled his profile by jumping from relationship to relationship and stayed in a toxic one because it was better than being alone. My friend was furious at his choices and kept hammering him to become more independent like she used to be. All I asked her was one question… did that advice work for you? If I remember correctly, when you were living this glorious independent lifestyle you were completely miserable. So exactly what kind of advice are you giving him?

Another friend of mine made the brave decision to quit smoking. Her closest friend was not as excited for the change as she was. In fact, she made it quite difficult for them to remains friends because of all her negative pressure. She insisted they hang out at their old haunts where they all smoked together and gave her big sighs each time she wouldn’t go out for a cigarette with her. Needless to say my friend has started smoking again because true support is hard to find. Birds of a feather flock together so you will share with your friends friends a similar mentality for misery does love company.

On whose authority??

How many of you have seen the movie Good Will Hunting? The story centers around a immensely brilliant young man who is struggling with his brutal past. He needed to go to counselling for anger management and is assigned to the top 5 names in psychiatric care; he made them all look like fools. It wasn’t until he met a special counselor that they got to the heart of his issue. The point that the counselor discovered was that young man out-witted all the other counsellors for they approached his healing from a theoretical perspective and not a practical one. He was able to dance circles around them logically for all they did was approach him with knowledge; not one had wisdom. That is the problem we have today with the many voices of authority out; few voices have wisdom. Wisdom comes from experience; you can't read it in a book.

We base our decision on what?

Best dressed?
Most successful? (but did they make money on theory or sharing practical experience?)
Fancy office and great marketing?
Family referral?
Reviews?
Word of Mouth?

To set yourself up for success, take advice from people that have exactly what you want and have APPLIED what they have learned to achieve it. In simple terms, they walk what they talk. Do yourself a favor and do the research for your mentor for you will replicate what advice you take to heart.

Did this response resonate with you? I would love to hear your take on the question and how it impacted you. Please post your thoughts below.

Tomorrow's question: Are you annoyed by petty disturbances?

Response posted tomorrow.

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