Question #16: Are you careless about your personal appearance?

A NEW YEAR (A.N.Y.), a new way question series:

On January first, I posted our first article in this series explaining a new way to approach New Year's resolutions. Each day we will explore a different question that challenges us to understand ourselves better. The format will be as follows: I will post the previous day's question with my answer followed by the next day's question for contemplation.

Here is my answer:

Ugly Duckling

In my youth, I was careless with my personal appearance. The photo above was taken during the pinnacle of my ugly duckling phase. I put little thought into my hairstyle, makeup application, fashion forward clothing or stocky body shape. I was dying inside and felt like a complete social outcast. My one recollection of a compliment during that time was from my grandmother; she always asked me if I lost weight when she saw me. No, I simply got taller. A light went on inside of my head and I contributed my misery to my outside presentation. Let the makeover begin.

Beauty and the Beast

An unexpected complication arose when I underwent that initial makeover; I met my internal beast of a belief profile. I was completely unprepared for the attention I received and it produced unsavory results. I felt uncomfortable because I was still the ugly duckling on the inside despite the makeover. I didn’t know how to interpret any form of attention or interest. Yet there were times, I was totally self-absorbed and strutted around like a peacock thinking that everyone was noticing me. It was a disaster. I struggled on and off with this unbalanced approach for many years but it intensified when I turned 40. I decided to push the envelope and really take the makeover to a whole new level. My clothes got tighter, my neckline plunged and my boot heels elevated. I literally brought sexy back yet I was even more miserable. The more attention I got the more miserable I became because it wasn’t quality attention. Let’s just say the men were not interested in conversation or getting to know me. I was sharing with a friend my disillusionment of my makeover scenario and do you know what her response was? “I wish I had a day of your problems!” I couldn’t believe it. Seriously???

Cinderella

Gradually the glamour faded and so did my extensive makeup and hair color application. My hair went through a very dry phase and I attributed it to my extensive color/highlight regime to cover my grey hair. I didn’t have massive amounts but just enough to be a nuisance. I decided then and there to stop coloring my hair and embrace the grey. I was inspired by Rogue off of the movie “X-Men” for she had a beautiful streak of white in her fringe area. The removal of makeup wasn’t a conscious decision but more like a result of a revelation. I had slept in one day and forgot to put my makeup on and no one at work noticed. Huh. I then intentionally went to work without makeup on to see how long it would take for my co-workers to comment. They never did and the makeup stayed off except for special occasions like company Christmas parties and such.

Sleeping Beauty

Five years have gone by since that time and I must say that I am comfortable in my bare face and uncolored hair. Above is a picture taken last New Year's Day. I have embraced my natural look and feel beautiful just as I am. I love my grey hair and have a moment of silence for each fallen soldier that falls out. I do however get the itch to color my hair for I loved the variety and creativity of that art form. I only have to remember the agony of waiting for the color to grow out and that holds me back; it’s a vicious cycle once you start. Maybe one day If I decide on a shorter hairstyle I will consider coloring it again.

For a laugh, last year a fellow co-worker asked me to wear make-up to work just to see what I looked like; I was severely out of practice. I got the expected responses but I didn’t feel comfortable with it on this time; It felt like a costume. That wasn't the only reason I was feeling uncomfortable, for the old familiar insecurities and peacock behavior reared their ugly familiar heads. I couldn't wait to wash the makeup off. I realize the beast side of my beauty still lies dormant but only for the time being; I trust that those beliefs will eventually resurface to be addressed for they always do. I have in the interim asked myself if I continue to keep my makeup off as a form of rebellion or avoidance? Hmmm … maybe a little bit of both but off it stays.

Did this response resonate with you? I would love to hear your take on the question and how it impacted you. Please post your thoughts below.

Tomorrow's question: Do you avoid your troubles by being busy?

Response posted tomorrow.

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Pictures courtesy of Pixaby