Question #12: Are you permitting your friend or relative to worry you?

A NEW YEAR (A.N.Y.), a new way question series:

On January first, I posted our first article in this series explaining a new way to approach New Year's resolutions. Each day we will explore a different question that challenges us to understand ourselves better. The format will be as follows: I will post the previous day's question with my answer followed by the next day's question for contemplation.

Here is my answer:

Permission slip

Permitting… that word haunts me. What does it mean when you permit something to occur? Permission is when you allow something to happen; there is no coercion or force. A choice was made where you gave the green light for that feeling, situation or event to occur. Yes, we pass Go and we also collect the two hundred dollars. Despite the fact that personal accountability is on the rise it still is at a record low. People don’t want to hear that they have a choice.

But, but but… I do it because I care

Why would I choose to be miserable by worrying? Worry is thinking based on the fear of unknown variables and most of them are hypothetical. Warning… possible impending danger ahead! We can make ourselves absolutely sick with “what if” thinking. The majority of those “what-if’s” never come to fruition and here we have spent all that emotional energy for nothing. I bet our ulcers would love to hear that. Worrying, in an indirect way, is an attempt to help but are we really helping? Most people say that it’s a demonstration of affection; I worry because I care. I have had family members say to me, “I worry about you, don’t forget that”. Ummm… thank you?? I think. Now part of me is touched that I occupy real estate in their mind but in reality what good does it do? I never understood how someone hurting themselves on my behalf is supposed to make me feel better about my situation. What’s worse is that despite our telling them that the worrying isn’t necessary, the statement falls on deaf ears.

Stop in the name of love

There is another aspect of worrying that most people are oblivious too; worrying is negative goal-setting. Since the Law of Attraction states you get what you think about most of the time what is worrying focusing on? I don’t know about you but when I’m worrying I don’t have happy thoughts. We instead expend a tremendous amount of energy focusing on what we don’t want. Don’t think that you are exempt from this if you are worrying about someone else. Negative thoughts produce negative experiences so we still invite the worst in our life with all the negative scenarios running through our minds. Luckily there is a solution.

The only way around this habit of worrying is to try a different approach. This approach aids you in being part of the solution instead of contributing to the problem. The answer is to stop and ask yourself this question, "Is this what I really want?". Dollars to donuts it's not so turn around your thoughts to focus on what you DO want. Yes it’s that simple and yes it does work. Put as much energy and thought as you can on an image of how you want the situation to end up. When I had my worry wart sessions concerning my financial situation I did exactly that. I stopped and thought about what I was focusing on and turned my thoughts to think about what I would feel if I was financially free. Financial freedom is what I truly want. An important point here is to not get caught up or distracted by the practicalities of the dream. Those thoughts just create doubt and doubt is just another way to set negative goals. Just live in your dream, without restrictions, for the moment. If the emotional response is too powerful and it interferes with you trying to feel better, then I encourage you to look into the Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping). It is a very effective method of working through your emotions. Tapping, in conjunction with focusing on what you want, is the winning combination to combat worry and stop it in it's tracks.

Did this response resonate with you? I would love to hear your take on the question and how it impacted you. Please post your thoughts below.

Tomorrow's question: Are you sometimes elated and sometime depressed??

Response posted tomorrow.

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