Wedding Chronicles - What is love? Baby don't hurt me!

7 days left. Tension is rising. We all feel it now. Except me. I don't feel anything special actually. It's not that I am a heartless son of a bitch but I can't afford to lose my shit right now. Everybody else already does so I have to keep my cool. Which is cool really. Was it not that I am expected to lose my shit. My parents, her parents, the children, all our friends. They all are excited and looking forward to it. I'm excited too but in a different way. I know that I'll be losing my freedom so thats a bummer.

But I'm looking forward to finally be able to use my wife as an excuse. I now can leave boring parties early and simply use my wife as an excuse. "Sorry but my wife just called, it's really urgent that I review her latest design for her pottery class". Or when I'm with friends and they talk about their sexual encounters from the night before I can add my impressive story of how we had sex. Once. Two weeks ago. Which lasted at least fifteen minutes due to the fact I couldn't get a stiffy, not counting the time to pillow talk her into making love to me.

Making love

Making love, that really sounds so romantic. It's actually really the opposite. Because what you are trying to make is a baby. And once you have one, or four, you'll realize what true love is.

It sure isn't hiding in the basement because the kids are re-enacting the Hunger Games with their little nerf guns, nerf bows and hammers. And it is also not not being able to use the bathroom without at least two of the four kids bouncing on the door. It's also not the way they constantly yell "Mama" in different high frequency pitches (Which must drive her crazy from time to time but I wouldn't now because apparantly I never listen to what she has to say). It's also not the fact that I hardly can eat candy or chips without hiding in a closet.

No, if you ask me true love lies in the joy you get from the little things in life. Like not having to share your icecream because you bought just the taste or brand noone likes. On purpose. Or letting one silent one rip and blame the youngest one. In fact, you can blame almost anything on the kids really. That's the upside of having four. You can spread the blame equally so no one feels less loved. Just last week I blamed one of the kids for not flushing the toilet and the bride-to-be bought it without a doubt. Brilliant.

Back on track: The tension is so high right now that you'd believe we are getting ready for the World Cup Final. And I am the man with a masterplan. I leave everything to her so I noone can blame me. The dinner is not complete? Dunno about that, she arranged it. The rings are not here? Dunno, she arranged that! The guests are on the wrong location? Dunno, she arranged that! You see, the only thing that she can blame me is that I didn't do as much as she did. Tactics, my friend, will bring you a long way. On the long run she will forget about it, just like she forgets about the pain she had to endure during childbirth. It's all about the happiness afterwards. And you can't say Happiness without taking the penis in your mouth :D

Cheers and see you all tomorrow

Check out my previous entries to the Wedding Chronicles