I try most days to keep the outward dialogue of complaining to a minimum, but I will honestly admit I complain an alarming amount internally. There are three surface reasons I feel bad, pregnancy has brought its own amount of issues to my body, and then there is the pre existing physical pain that has haunted me for years, and finally emotional habbits of constantly thinking about the pain, which in turn manifests and creates more pain 😯 So here I sit, in more pain, feeling even more terrible...and I have to ask myself WHY!
Going into the pregnancy I felt great, I could see a healthy, strong and fit me on the other side. I was filled with optimisom that once my baby was here the extra 35 pounds would finally be released and leave my body, but here we are 6 months later and I'm 10 pounds heavier than when I started and in an alarming amount more physical pain than usual. How could this be ? I have good eating habbits, I had GREAT feelings about that strong healthy body, and I even envisioned what I would look like. So how come I'm currently not living my manifestations....
Well folks .... FEAR. That 4 letter word that hunts us all in varying degrees.
As much as I had the best of intentions, had the visualizations down pat, the undertone to my deep seeded thoughts, you know the ones the universe is actually listening to, those were riddled in fear.
Fear of starting, or of starting and then loosing hope or motivation, or of what reactions I would encounter from the world as I changed. I actually busted myself saying out loud to a friend of mine , I don't want you start going to the gym because I can't afford it, and if I get going I don't want to loose momentum.
WHAT! shakes my head so do nothing and nothing will change and then I can keep crying. Maybe I just truly like to complain ? Lol
Anyways the great Alexander pope once said "to err is human" and at the end of the day this is part of the human experience I chose.
So now here is sit on the first day of 2017, acknowledging my fear and opening my eyes to all the different areas of my life it has greatly affected. It's it funny how an emotion can engulf you, your body and turn into physical pain. Now this is only the tip of the ice berg my friends, I've only covered my physical pain. But this is the most prevalent out of varying reasons I feel bad.
So here's to a whole new year and new day and going deeper.
Cheers