RE: Escape to the island of misfit toys or a glimpse into the life of an unloved child - @bycoleman $45 SBD Steemit Writing Contest
Hey @tygertyger, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, I am sure it wasnt easy to expose such private part of your life to all to see.
I have to admit, on a certain level I truly related to what you have written.
It's not that my parents have abandoned me or anything, nor were they abusive (at least not physically) ... but for the most part of my adult life, they could not really except the life choices I had been making...
Nothing I did seemed to be the right choice in their mind.
Not when I left to travel the world for a few years, nor when I opened my own business...the most painful part is that they could not accept my partner for life for many years...and gave me really hard time in every path i chose.
For many years I was trying any possible method to separate them from my life, in an attempt to make things easier for me...I have to admit, even through the hardest times, the times when I had the most resentment for them, something was preventing me of cutting them from my life for 100%, its like we are rigged with some psychological layers that oblige us to try to preserve the family circle no matter what.
Everything changed when my mom passed away 2 years ago, after struggling with Cancer.
One of the last things she asked me before passing away, was not to "forget" my father...not to leave him alone..
It took me a wile to forgive, it took me a while to understand that most of the stuff that my parents "did" to me, werent done due to lack of love, but rather because of hardships they had to endure themselves during their life, because of their own psychological limitations.
There is so many things I would like to say to my Mom, but now it is too late...all is left for me is try to spend the years I have with my father in the best possible way.
They didnt try to be the way they are, they simply didnt know any better....and their Ego was only a means of protection for they own existence...
I know each story is individual, but I would suggest to give your mom a one more attempt to bridge the distance between you, be present and try to control your emotions...and perhaps, try to see her as the human she is, and a woman trying to get close to her daughter that she lost many years ago.. a woman with lots of mistakes in her bag and perhaps even regrets.
There will be time, perhaps not long from now...that she will be gone, there are not to many opportunities in life to put everything behind you...it takes a certain leap of faith, a certain hope...
Don't loose hope...
Thanks for sharing...
I don't think you understand the brutality of the relationship and that the last time I gave her a chance she did nothing but be abusive. I was always willing to start fresh and she would always start telling me and random people what a horrible child I was and how much she suffered having to deal with me. Also i was in the beginning of my illness and was starting to have severe muscle weakness issues. She forbade my son in law from helping me with my wheelchair and claimed I was not sick and only wanted attention. She also became physically abusive when I had a seizure in her car and I couldn't get away. During my 4 year fight to get disability where I lost a part of my eyesight my home and most of my belongings , she told people I was simulating and bad mouthed me everywhere. When I finally got my disability she said she was not to blame how was she to know I was really sick. Your situation is not comparable to mine I fear. I am sorry you suffered but I need to think of my literal sanity here which is at stake if she starts a full attack again. And i have lost hope years ago the only reason I from time to time cave is because I feel duty toward my parent ...