Writing Craft, Pt. 7 - Writing While Life Happens
I'm having a problem with my social life and my writing life coinciding (or not, as the case may be). There is probably a multitude of reasons why this may occur, but the two are not co-mingling the way I'd like them to, and this will forever be the problem of writers across the world.
Writing is a solitary act as it forces one inward. Being social is an obviously non-solitary act that forces one outward. Combining the two requires a balance that will differ from person to person. Right now, my balance is 90% solitary and 10% social, which is completely skewed for me based on my past experiences. When I lived in Kansas City, my life was 90% social and 10% solitary. I dj-ed a few nights a week, I was in class most days and I had a steady job that had me going to different bars in the evenings I wasn't dj-ing. That I got any measure of writing done at all during this period is astounding. The distractions were numerous and constant. I was friends with more people on a regular basis than I can count and frequently wanted to spend time with all of them, especially as my time there came to a close before heading off to grad school in 2009.
From 2009 to 2015, I lived in a city full of lit-life and constant (see: positive) distractions, I spent most of my time at home working on new pages. The cost of living in California definitely put a damper on my social life, as did not having a car for the first time in 17 years. Public transit was spotty at best and getting around the city in an efficient and timely manner was an absolute joke. Once I left the house, I was gone for most of the day as opposed to just a few hours. Those are the external factors.
The internal factors are of the utmost importance. In the years leading up to my graduate work, I knew I had more time to work on writing because I'd be in school for at least another two years focusing on nothing but writing. Six of my first eight graduate school choices denied me entrance into their programs, but I knew I was going to get my MFA somewhere far away from the Midwest. I had to get out. I knew I was distracted and my friends could see it too. I had several tell me that I needed to go, sooner than later, because it was obvious I was on the precipice of something that required all of my concentration.
And for the last several years in San Francisco, this is what I did. I tried to explore parts of California and enjoyed myself, but I have several books that are near completion after eight years and, now that I'm no longer in classes, finding the time for myself should be easier, right? It's actually gotten harder. Especially considering that there's a very good possibility I won't have more classes to go to anytime after this. There's the possibility I may not get into a Ph.D program, which means I have all this free-time to get these books written. In order for the books to be written, I have to sit down at the laptop and finish them, which is easier said than done.
It is a discipline that I never had before, cutting off the people in my life in order to get something finished in this manner. I don't enjoy cutting people off or out of my life; I thrive on the face to face conversations and interactions that come with being human. Some of my best story ideas have come when I wasn't even thinking about writing, when I was out with friends doing whatever we may have been doing. The moment an idea hits cannot be explained or pinpointed, it simply happens. Experiences lived outside of the living room or the study (or wherever it is you write) must be engaged in fully. The experiences serve to influence your writing and your writing might reflect them, if even in some small way.
Only you know what balance of solitary vs. social works for you, but don't ever completely eliminate the social aspect in favor of the writing. The writing will always be there for you if you've fostered it properly. Most of my friends understand why I disappear for months at a time, but they may not always be there when I come out of hiding. Those connections need to be fostered as much as the writing does. Your social life is your sanity.
For me, it's always easier to find writing time when I'm taking classes. Self imposed deadlines are difficult to enforce.
they used to be difficult to enforce, but the longer i've been out of grad school, the easier it is for me to set the standards. i don't do hard deadlines any more, but i do make a better effort at the life/work balance that allows me to drown in the creative well while also not neglecting my friends or family and still be productive.
it ain't easy, but it's doable, and it's getting easier...
The thing I always run into is that when I start writing I'm generally in a certain "head-space" that tends to mirror much of the plot in some way. After all, writing is very much just bleeding your thoughts/feelings/self onto paper.
But as life happens, I change. At least, in the sense of that head-space... and my jeans once or twice a week. But the plot needs to NOT change. Not drastically anyway. A little movement or whatever is ok, however rewriting or taking some major turn seems wrong.