How can I know anything or begin to understand "IT"
without first taking time to observe what 'it' presents 'itself' to be?

I'd like to start with a disclamer statement of @barge subjectivity. The expression in this post applies to my own understanding of my own experience, projected outwards. There is no absolute statement of 'reality' intended, although rhetoric, pronoun and language use may make it appear otherwise. I do not wish to - I simply cannot - define what reality might or might not be for you. This is a voluntary exploration.

Thanks for reading
Namaste!

Imagination!

How might you react if you were suddenly, and without warning, teleported into an unknown place; somewhere you had no bearings, no clue about anything - language, inhabitants, system. What would you do if you found yourself in a crowded area over there? Would panic set in amidst the utter strangeness and unfamiliarity? Might any action be considered better than standing still - would you move about? Perhaps, once you had established that your physical being was not in imminent danger of annihilation, you'd consider doing nothing at all? Initially at least, what more could one do other than just stand and observe what is going on around, simply noting what the senses pick up? Something will surely be learnt, patterns that match experience may be recognised, one or two things may begin to take on a more familiar hue. Perhaps the place, though strange in appearance, would start to appear less threatening after a few minutes of such observation. One begins to see past the intitial blast of confusion.

Moving around frantically in a panic, searching desperately for something obviously familiar to cling to (like grabbing people by collars and asking if they know what's going on, desperately searching elsewhere once it becomes apparent that they don't :) is unlikely to be more efficient than simply standing still and paying attention to what's going on around. In this stiller space, answers to questions can begin to take shape and instinctive fears can dissipate. Here, perception rises above the chaos of fear-driven thought, and suitable new courses of action are allowed to come into view, presenting themselves as Opportunities and Options. There is a realisation of Choice.

In this calm mental space, the Observer is not acting on the prompting of each new thought that arises clamouring for attention. There is no knee-jerk rection-response. Instead, the objects of observation come and go, in and out of awareness without being held onto. Research is conducted, information is gathered, drama is observed but not engaged with. In the fear state when there is mental agitation, the urgent prompting of thought can easily lead to panic as the volume of diverse and contradictory thoughts increases, each carrying the impetus to act and do something, anything. This is a stampede, it is chaos.

Thought!

I, the Thinker, provide the energy for my thoughts to bloom and blossom into the scattered spectrum of mental chaos. A single innocuous-looking thought can branch and sub-branch as more and more strands come in, demanding responses and management. It can seem endless. Thoughts also carry emotional charges, and the rollercoaster ride can be very bumpy. The ensuing mental chaos drains energy and I am left exhausted, battered and confused. It has often been like this for me. Do you recognise such or a similar state?

In the above state of mental chaos, I am not observing at all. Instead, I am acting, feeding thought with more thought, which in turn generates yet more thought. I may have the thought that I have no choice but to be caught up in this feeding frenzy, however, this too, is a thought! A thought alone!

When standing in the middle of the place we have been hypothetically teleported to, it is possible to observe (ha ha) that in the process of gathering information about our new environment and its people, we are best served by leaving our judgements and prejudices aside and intending at least, to look with fresh eyes. To do otherwise, to compare the unfamiliar with the familiar in this hopeless context in order to assuage Fear, is rather crazy, is it not?

Thought-actions like judgements or labeling are mutually exclusive with observing, To incessantly label and compare something new such that it be made as similar as possible to the known, is to judge, to weigh up - square pegs smashed into round holes! The act of observing - seeing the object/subject simply for what it is - ceases the moment the judgemental thought 'it is this / it is that' is assimilated without question or challenge. One is now caught up in the energy of the label (it/he/she is 'this' or 'that'). The label is clearly not the thing in itself - the word 'book' for example, is not the same as the physical item with print, pages etc, it is merely a symbol or label which represents the object. It is the same with the countless first-level, appearance-based labels dished out globally by the second - 'what an idiot', 'stupid [insert ehnic group] fucker', 'ignorant [insert social group] fool' etc ad infinitum. Of course this thought violence can be directed at the self too, and very often is! To apply a label and take it for the thing in itself is to move away from neutral observation and to be caught up in a fantasy of personal prejudice and preference. Most of us have been brought up to believe in illusions and to take fantasy as factual reality, fooled and betrayed into mistaking complex interlocking symbols for organic beings.

Happily, we can also observe this very process of labeling in action, in our own minds, as it happens, or shortly after. The point is that becoming aware of what is happening slows things down, it cools the chaos and opens up the space again for non-judgmental and observation-based enquiry to take place. It becomes clearer that in order to learn about or understand (ourselves or the situation at hand, whatever), we'd serve ourselves better by suspending the labeling process, including such self-judgemental thoughts as "This is hopeless, I'm no good at it, I keep messing up". It is also about being honest with oneself - an approach of integrity that catches out the lies we tell ourselves, including those of our own incompetence! It's about being soft on oneself, for judgements are harsh and represent steep barriers to perception. Eventually, suspending judgement can become as natural and intuitive as taking evasive action to avoid the dogpoo that one is about to tread on. This evasive 'action' is simutaneous with the act of noticing the dogpoo - it is instinctive and does not require a thought-based decision in order to be triggered.

Observation!

How can I know anything about a subject I am trying to understand if I do not first observe? If I do not first take time to see it for myself. When I observe for myself, this is entirely different from simply accepting anyone else's stated observations on the subject. If I do not understand, I am likely to make assumptions or apply vague labels that mask my confusion or lack of observation-based knowing. I'm just guessing in that case, or parroting what others have said. Might I even be fearful of finding out? Observation of self can be daunting - we are conditioned to move away from pain towards something more pleasurable. Often the first layer of observation is indeed prickly and can appear off-putting. This pain-avoidance is also what gives rise to addictions, where the pain inside is glossed over and never really attended to, never really known about or observed for what it is. Addictions of course, include things like shopping, eating and excessive social-media usage 😱. Existential heaviness continues to radiate undisturbed in the background of one's life and expressions of suppressed pain continue their violent rampage. This is clearly visible in the anger and misery of a lot of the current human condition!

"I don't know (but I'd like to find out)"

A humble blank sheet makes an excellent starting point for an enquiry into anything.

To observe one's emotions in action is the same as observing oneself (re)experiencing these (often suppressed) states of being. This path of direct observation is perhaps the most efficient and powerful way of releasing the energies of fear, pain and trauma that hold us back (and these can come disguised as anger, control issues, obsessions and addictions etc). The decision to acknowledge and face ones 'issues' - ie to consciously and willingly evoke painful experiences in order to be liberated from their painful effects, is a brave one. It is an act of self-respect which also assumes responsibility for one's state of being, leading naturally to deep healing. Not many are even willing to acknowledge such things as pain and fear at an emotional or psychological level, let alone be willing to do something about it (or believe that they acutally can)! There is tremendous power in the conscious process of laying down a heavy rucksack of stones that one has been carrying all one's life. Habitual heaviness worn for so long that it has come to be integrated with everyday normality. This burden begins to lighten as realisation dawns of how unnatural a state of being this is - the Observation thereof! Relief, deep rest, and expanding horizons of unexpected possibility as each heavy stone is removed. This cannot be quantified or conveyed. It can only be experienced for oneself!

Is it possible therefore, to observe ourselves with complete acceptance in the moment, stones and all? To give our full and undivided attention to thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations as they arise? Can we consciously move towards ourselves, towards (and through) the pain, towards the great mystery of the 'Dark Unknown'? Can we be part of the action, yet apart from it at the same time? Can we play the role of being a listening ear to ourselves?

If asked "Do you know yourself, who or what you are?".......what then my friend? Are your answers a bunch of labels, like job, nationality, personality traits, genealogy and suchlike? Flesh, bones and electrical impulses perhaps? One may wonder, especially in an enquiry into the question 'Who am I?', whether 'I' am in fact my very thoughts! This may seem to be a tricky one at first glance, how to tell? Descartes' legacy "I think therefore I am" seems to suggest that my very existence is a consequence of Thought, or at the very least, that my awareness of my own existence is only possible by observing the fact that I think. However, consider the position of the Observer - this is the observer who observes Thought, watches it closely like a hawk. Therefore, conceptually at least, and for the purposes of enquiry, the observer is also separate from Thought! I wonder if that old Frenchman got it inside out, and there is a being, an 'I', which is behind and beyond Thought (and the Thinker)!?

One other possible implication of Decartes' statement is that if I were to stop thinking, I would cease to exist. Do you think that Thought is impossible to stop? Apart from the fact that this too, is just a thought, consider a time when you were lost in awe - when a beautiful landscape or an intense emotional moment took your breath away and you were totally immersed, utterly lost in the experience. What happens when someone taps you on the shoulder and says "Isn't that just beautiful?" Spell broken, trance lifted, thought pours back in - reactions, labels of good or bad, polite agreement, concealed irritation etc! Such sublime moments of hightened intensity and awareness contain no thought - the mind is blank, immersion total. There is no sense of separation between observer and observed, thought is silent for the duration!

Thought cannot be stopped, arrested, through any force of action, and certainly not by another thought, such as "FFS STOP THINKING"! Yet the state of observation - which does not put energy into new thought generation, slows the action down, thereby revealing the immensity of what can now start to be uncovered.

Might you have observed a past experience in order to understand it better? Stepping right into it - fully recreating it in your imagination in order to feel what you felt at the time? Simple little thing like getting on a bus or a train, or meeting up with a friend or the instant of walking through the door at work. Can you observe the experience without acting - without labeling the components of the experience as this or that? Is it possible to be aware of the emotions, feelings, thoughts and sensations that are observed without reacting with a label of blame or judgement or criticism? If there is labeling, blaming or judging going on, this can be observed simply by becoming aware of it, and this very act of awareness / observation stops it dead! Are you able to observe and acknowledge that you can actually have a hand in this process yourself? Can you observe the inner impulse to act - ie to follow a thought, to give it energy, to blame or otherwise react or get 'carried away' in the stream of thought energy? One always have a choice whether to act or not, whether to feed the thought or not, whether to return to a calm state of equilibrium or not.

Ok, slowed down the labeling and judging and reacting and all the other barge-blahblah above. Not sure what a 'calm state of equilibrium' is supposed to be, but I really wanna know how I can get closer to this sense of Who or What I am!

Jiddu Krishnamurti (quoted above) says you can approach the question of who you are by realising what you are clearly NOT, LOL. Are you your job, your gang, your tribe, your nation, your spouse, your possessions, emotions, thoughts, personality, habits, traits, family, body or mind? Only you can answer that for yourself.

However, one can indeed approach the subject of enquiry (eg 'who am I?') in the negative - I am not this, I am not that. By discarding labels falsely associated with 'self', we can at least see what I is/am NOT. This process reduces confusion, it clears the waters somewhat.

For example, much of what I hitherto thought of as being, or related to, Love, I subsequently discovered to be something else altogether. I finally came to the realisation that I actually knew almost nothing at all about Love, sweet FA! I could recognise it, I could feel it, but any attempt to reign it in just transformed and distorted it into something else. There were numerous things that I had associated with Love of course, tenderly calling them by that name. In my ignorance, I mis-labelled as Love such things as emotional security & comfort seeking, neediness, lust, power & control, reciprocation and sickly sugary sentimentality - to name but a few examples.

It doesn't seem to me as if we can do much more than apply approximate labels to such mysterious abstractions as Love. They belong to a realm that is more expanded than the one in which Thought operates. Therefore any attempt to define - ie control or limit through words, necessarily produces a distortion. Can you for example, come up with a suitable definition of Love? I can't, and I have tried. All I'm able to do is agree on a single attribute, which is that of unconditionality. In other words, it seems to me as if the only 'kind' of Love is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, and all other so-called types are in name only, closer inspection revealing them to be something else entirely.

By discarding the false labels, the thing in itself peeks out and surfaces, no longer held down by the weight of the False and the Fearful, no longer tied down by labels and conditioned preconceptions.

If you've made it this far down, you are most certainly interested in this kind of inner exploration, and in all likelihood have a degree in Inner Engineering yourself :). It has been an education for me to observe the thoughts that tell me that what I am doing is 'this' or 'that', or that I am only capable of 'this' and not 'that'. These are thoughts - symbols, concepts which can be simple or complex, and usually accompanied by the soft or heavy blast of emotional charge. Thought is not all-powerful, we have a choice to obey it or not! Thought is not the reality that most thought pretends to be, it is not that which it attempts to describe. The describing - such as that found in the wordiness of this post - is the long-winded blah-blah thought process of conceptualisation. But the concept or the thought process, however layered and complex, is never IT.

The being is much easier than the conceptual doing - there is no process, no step, no action, no method, just SIMPLE effortless attention-filled observation and discovery. We are human BEINGS after all, not human doings.