Small Town, Bad Juju

Alright, thanks Chief. Heads up. I am Special Agent Masters from the Magic Corps Homeland division. Now listen the guy-thank you Murphy-the guy you are looking for is going to be aggressively average. Does the same thing every weekend. Mmm, Murphy, trying to burn me alive? Ah. This guy, he will have one plate, one bowl, eats the same meals, orders from the same take-out joints ‘cause he doesn’t have a kitchen. He’s never seen the inside of a normal person’s house so his house is abnormally spartan. He has one hobby. Just one. Something to talk about in case anyone ever asks him what he likes to do on his own time. Probably something he can do solo. Crosswords, video games, origami. He works a job where there’s not much interaction with the customer, he shows up on time, he leaves a few minutes after the shift is over. And yes, shift work, we are looking for someone working shift work. Factory, warehouse, that kind of thing. Most likely night shift. Simple, repetitive. Ok, is this one at drinkable levels? Better. He has gone to great lengths to build his life around what he thinks is normal. He is the most average person you will ever meet, and that should be a big tip-off. No one is normal, unless they are trying too hard to be. Now here’s the latest sketch-yeah, yeah, I know. ‘Looks like a guy I know’. Keep in mind this is FYI only, this isn’t actionable, no-one’s seen his face and lived. Yeah, spooky.

So, let’s talk procedure. I’ll just say here, if anyone of you needs to duck out at anytime, do it, no shame. I mean it. You got kids? You got your 40 coming up? You just don’t like the idea of your brain getting boiled? I don’t care, get on gone. This is a lovely town and you signed up to keep the peace not fight demons.

No-one? Damn. You should be proud, chief.

Okay. Here is what you do. If you see anyone matching this description in the red zone, you call it in. If he is walking east, you call it in. If he stops to talk to someone, you call it in. If he buys a burrito, you call it in. If he takes a piss, you what? That’s right. Here is what you do not do. Do not approach, do not apprehend. Do not talk to him. Do not engage with him. Do not talk to anyone he has just spoken to. Do not touch any surface he has recently touched. And do not, under any circumstances, look him in the eyes. I don’t need to tell you why.

Speaking of which, Joan, did our req go through? Of course it did. When...okay, we will have the obsidian eye guards in three days. By then we should have a tighter red zone, and I’ll have my pick of which of you is going to go in with me. Until then, let’s keep everything on the down low, and stick to the plan. Right now we need data. Read the brief I wrote and remember your training.

Good luck.