An Open Letter to Married Men

It took me a while to reach on this decision that now I should openly tell you all what and how I feel about Adultery that you have been sugar-coating it all this while with me.
My name is Ashween Dara and I have lived 9209 days till now. I belong to an upper-middle class family and would like to openly tell each one of you how I am not really fine with adultery. I remember the first time when it happened. It was a few years back and it completely took me by a shock that how someone who is already married was asking for lonely and pleasurable time with me. I just couldn’t comprehend it. I just couldn’t understand the thought process behind it. I was perplexed when I first heard those words from him and I felt lost.
I refused and yet he continuously tried to suppress my thoughts by giving me his reasons like ‘I feel myself with you and having you around gives me a sense of freedom of just being myself and nothing else’. I kept thinking about those reasons for days to come, but it just couldn’t validate with my thoughts, my thoughts kept jumping around in my head and it just made me feel so restless. Since then I couldn’t make peace with myself and I finally said “NO’ to him and asked him to be with his lovely wife.
Days passed and not even a month later I have encountered another married man who has shown interest in me. He kept giving me indirect signals and finally asked me out to have drinks when his wife was in her parents’ house. I got the idea what he was proposing and I felt horrible again. I tried to know the reason behind it and all he said was that he likes my company and would like to share a space with me discreetly. His answers didn’t do justice to my questions but they just added fuel to my insatiability.
With more confusion growing inside my head, I started standing in front of the mirror for more time. I would stare at myself and ask the question, again and again asking myself what is wrong with me!? Why am I getting such proposals every now and then? Even time I didn’t get the answer I always wanted. As the time went on, I continued living with those disturbing thoughts in my head.
A few months later, just to add fuel to the fire another man who was married to a beautiful woman asked me if I am ready to get into a secret relationship with him. He quoted that he finds me interesting and would like to explore his ideas of life with me. He also stated that I would be the luckiest girl to share a secret relationship with him and not a word will go out of his mouth as he can hold the secrets to his death if I say ‘yes’ to him. Yet again nothing shocked me more than the confidence he had.
I questioned myself again -Why does it sound so wrong to me? Am I not ready to change or is it okay in the society? The series of questions were endless.
It was a clear No from my end to him. To be honest, I was not arrogant or rude. It was just a firm voice as I thought one doesn’t need to over-react to everything. There is nothing like wrong and right in this world. What I believe is right to me might be wrong to someone and the vice versa holds well. No matter how much I have tried to push him away my persistent reluctance, he instead tried to persuade me with his words. He, instead of having a slight sense of guilt or remorse started telling me that I want it too and I am just lying, which just left me speechless. In order to keep those thoughts to rest, I started reading about adultery. I wanted to know if it’s my belief and value system which is blocking the way or is it something totally acceptable but behind curtains. I wanted to know why it sounds wrong to me and completely right to others. Why I couldn’t say YES to anyone and the first thought which always came in my mind was NO? I wanted to know where people are heading to and why people are getting married and cage themselves. I thought something was definitely wrong with the world or probably with me.
I know I have been known to many as someone who has been breaking stereotypes -Someone who doesn’t follow social norms, someone who is often labelled as a warrior and an odd one out who doesn’t fit in the society. Why? Is it just because I have been into several relationships and I have tattoos all over my body. Is it because I wear clothes they may not fit in the society’s syllable.
I believe in one God but I do not believe in idol worship and hence my visit to temples to substantiate my faith is far away from real. I am someone who is known by my artwork and hold a strong opinion when it comes to women rights and fights.
If all of the above made you think and conclude that I am OKAY to be your mistress!! NO!! HELL NO!! You are wrong in every way. You have misunderstood a woman’s identity again. You never tried to understand a woman in your life.
If you tell me that life is so short and we all should get intimated outside of a relationship and it’s exciting and it’s like an experiment that we all should experience, I would beg to differ to with you. My inner-self will never agree with it. And honestly, I do never understand how you guys after committing adultery go back to your wives and tell lies to them that you love them and been thinking about them the whole day. On the other hand, you come up to me with the logic that you can love and sleep with two different people at the same time. But let me tell you, you guys are cowards!
Last but not the least please get this in your head - If a woman is an extrovert then it doesn’t mean that she is ready to become your mistress.
I have never been married so I don’t know what your problem is. But what I know is that you guys are not loyal to someone who maybe loyal to you for the whole life and God forbid! If you are not able to be with one person who is loyal to you and shares her whole life with you, then please DO NOT GET MARRIED. If you are not ready then Stop! You can’t sink your own ship.
P.S. I could break your houses in the blink of an eye.
Sincerely
Ashween Dara.