Freewrite #1. The Decisions

The situation that I found myself in during the summer is one which everyone, at one time or another, will more than likely experience. It is a situation of indecision.

I awoke on that Thursday morning, the twenty-first of June (the first day of summer) on the wrong side of the bed. Actually, there is only one side of my bed that a person can exit from, the other being pressed against the wall, which is where I found myself that morning.

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My first decision of the day presented itself to me. Do I get up and begin my day on time for a change, or do I rest my eyes for the infamous ‘ten more minutes’ and risk being late for work if I oversleep? I pondered this as I extracted my errant limbs from little space between the cool wall and the mattress. It occurred to me that perhaps the question should be, ‘Could I get out of bed, and not, when do I get out of bed?’

I managed to avoid making a decision by pulling on my arm, with just a few too many foot pounds per square inch, thereby dislodging it from its resting place with a formidable velocity. The arc of my arm’s new found flight placed it in a direct path with my night stand lamp, which, due to its lack of animation, could do nothing to protect itself.

The lamp fell, as expected, but didn’t break since its fall was cushioned by my sleeping cat, who made the unfortunate choice to lie in an area where there are frequent incidents of projectile activity.

A fair number of other situations arose during the forty-five minutes that preceded my drive to work, and I am proud to announce that I avoided making decisions on most of them. I did, however, decide to make a mental note to search for my missing cat, who had, after being so rudely awakened, disappeared quite efficiently with a parting scream of fright.

My drive to, and subsequent arrival at, my place of employment was uneventful due to my uncanny ability to function on auto pilot. With the exception of locking my keys in the car (I have a spare set in my desk) and spilling a bit of the day’s first cup of coffee on my clean white shirt, in a conspicuous place where the tie cannot hide it, I managed to arrive in my office alive and in one piece.

The day was hectic and full of important decisions which I seem even more important before taking a neutral stand and promising to ‘look into it.’

Lunch was a bit easier since while I was deciding what to purchase from our nearly lethal, overpriced menu, I fell asleep at my desk. Rudely awakened an hour later by the ringing of my phone, I promptly jolted upright in my chair, barely halting my momentum before I rolled into my computer. In all probability, I would have fractured the screen and caused a commotion that would not soon have been forgotten.

Toward late afternoon, about an hour before quitting time, with my workload being light, I found time to contemplate some of my life’s more interesting questions.

Where was I headed in my present job? Could I live with cost of living raises each year, even if my performance was above average? Did I really like the type of work I was doing? Did I really like the people I was working with?

The answers to these questions were in a negative vein, and becoming depressed over my inability, as far as I could see, to change things, I began to develop hypotheses and theories in relation to my favorite subject, cosmology. I normally have a tendency to daydream for hours on topics like the possibility of life forms in other universes. I debate silently with myself about black holes, pulsar stars, the meanings of the general and specific theories of relativity, matter as a form of energy, incessant motion of atomic particles, the big bang, whether or not the universe is ‘closed’ or ‘open,’ and a myriad of other topics that give me great joy.

I reached into my trash basket and extracted a State University advertisement and proceeded to fill out the form requesting more information. I slapped on a stamp, before realizing that there was ‘no postage due if mailed in the United States, and tossed it into the office post box on my way out the door. I had made my most important decision in years, namely, the decision to decide.

With a new found hope in my heart, I made my way through the end of the day exodus crowd and to my car. Pulling on the driver side door handle, I shook the car, setting off the alarm. Laughing to myself, I noticed that I had not taken the spare keys from my desk.!

As I walked back into the building, with the car alarm screeching in the background, I realized that some things will never change.