Light

He stared broodingly at the little circle of illumination and wondered what made them choose him. Every night since Kara had left; the Light shone regularly for 30 minutes to midnight and disappeared soon after. Each time he would woke up because of the insidious cold that would creep over him and he would instantly know that the Light had arrived. He could not find any other name to call it. He wondered "what do you call light that is magical, silvery pure, mysterious and yet so foreboding except Light!"

The first time it had terrified him because he could not understand the strange sensation that it imposed on him. It was hard to describe except that he felt a weightlessness that was terrifying. He felt as if he had no control of his limbs but yet remained listlessly on the ground. It wrapped itself around him, passed through him and even emanated from him. The Light seemed to know him and whispered gently calling out in dulcet tones. He closed his eyes, clasped his hands together and started praying that day. When he opened his eyes, Light had vanished. It had left him alone and gutted as if his insides had been taken out, examined and then just squeezed back inside his body. It took him hours to recover and even then he could not eat a single morsel until the sun was well and truly alive.

The first few times were the worst. He slept every single night thinking that it was over and that Light would never come back. But to his utter amazement and disgust it came exactly at the same time every night. Frozen with fear and helplessness he could not escape the retching gut wrenching sensation that always happened once it was over. He would lie doubled up and clutching his stomach as it heaved and thrust out whatever good sense he had imbibed a few hours earlier.

One night after the Light had left, he rushed outside leaving everything behind. He kept on running like a crazed man never looking back. He ran for miles through the lonely woods never meeting a soul. The darkness for him had become his friend as it soothed him and calmed his pounding heart. It was a long time before he could collect his senses. He stayed away for many days never venturing back at all. But there was always this mysterious voice niggling inside urging him back. Kara was always there inside his head pleading with him to return in her very best siren impression.

Gradually his courage crept back and one day he decided to return. Today was blustery cold and almost bitter in its efforts to dissuade him. He felt craven as his body remembered the insidious penetration suffered earlier. His leaden feet dragged him slowly up the pass and down the conifer lined slope that served as a rampart to his dwelling. Kara always used to call it the valley of tinamou even though they had never seen any in all their time here. The sun was high overhead and there was no fear in him as he slowly approached the little moss lined path they often used to go inside. Instead of going on he turned back and climbed up the little ridge in front and hid himself behind the giant ficus tree.

Kara had disliked the tree immensely for she had commanded him many a time to chop it down but he had always refused to do her bidding. He loved the tree and always found it blissful to rest underneath revelling in its cool shade. Today was no different as he affectionately curled his body into the base of the ficus tree and went to sleep.

He awoke in the darkness with a start that shocked him. He had slept for a long time and he figured he had been dead tired walking back. He knew something was amiss and he looked everywhere but could not put his finger on it. All of a sudden it struck him that there was absolutely no sound. No cooing by the doves, no robins chirping and definitely no squirrels jabbering. Even the trees had stopped rustling. The hair on the back of his neck rose up and the tension writhed across his body in waves. He knew that the Light had returned!

It bathed the ground in fluid strokes like a painter who had upended his entire bucket of paint rather than used the brushes. It looked so warm, inviting until he remembered the past. He forced himself to walk towards the circle that Light had created. Fear grew with every step until it reached a crescendo battering his head but yet he persisted. He halted at the edge as suddenly his courage seeped out like blood oozing from a wound. He could not move for his feet felt leaden and immensely heavy.

He peered upwards endeavouring to find the source of Light. It seemed to just burst out of a point high above the clouds like a silver wraith cascading down forming a mellifluous circle at the bottom. Light was ethereal he decided and so must be made of something quite unknown to mankind. He wondered if it would again feel the same inside the circle. Fear rose up inside of him but somehow he fought it down. He had made up his mind to seek the truth regardless of what it would do to him. He tried to move forward into the circle again but discovered to his horror that he could not! Light was an invisible barrier and there was no getting over it. He tried to jump forward but he was thrust back with inhuman ferocity. He backed away and tried to run into the circle but it was like trying to dive into a pit of quicksand. He rolled on the ground trying to squirm himself inside but to no avail. By now fear had been replaced by a low smouldering anger that welled up until his entire being burned from it.

He went back to the ficus tree and got the knife that he used while hunting. It was long and serrated with a sharpened tip and it was his favourite weapon. He threw the knife across his shoulder at Light and to his surprise it just bounced off like a rubber ball. He was completely mystified and bent to pick it when he slipped and fell down heavily. He threw his hand out and the knife stabbed it in the palm which immediately started dripping blood. He ripped of a piece of his shirt and clumsily bandaged the hand. He had forgotten all about Light and when he turned around he was astonished to see a small opening in the circle. The opening was the size of a small coin but it was an opening never the less. He ran to the circle and found that he could only put his little finger inside but everything else remained the same. He tried to enlarge the hold with his finger but that failed abysmally. He was at his wits end and could not figure out what to do next. Giving up he started backing away from the circle and fell heavily again. His hand shot out to arrest his fall and he scowled in pain for it had started bleeding again. Little drops of blood oozed and ran down his fingers into the ground. To his utter amazement, the chink in the circle had grown bigger. Now it was the size of his palm and he could slip his hand through it.

He pushed his hand inside and it slid smoothly until the elbow and then suddenly stopped. Try as he might it did not go in any further despite all his strength. He was incredibly confused about the relation between his wound and the opening in the circle. There was only way to find out and the thought filled him with morbidity. Was this a test, he wondered? "A test of what?" he asked himself. Courage or foolishness maybe? It was not in him to think too much about things beyond his ken. He was a man of action and no amount of thinking would quench his thirst for the strange happenings in the circle of Light. He started forward again this time with the knife in his hand approaching the opening in the circle. He drew the sharp edge of the knife from wrist to the elbow and a thin stream of blood dripped viscously down his forearm. The hole became bigger! He continued to slide the knife on his body up his arms and down his chest making small nicks that fed tiny rivulets of blood coursing down his body onto the ground as he advanced. The hole had become so big that he could put half his body into it but still he was unable to get inside. Shedding all his clothes he carefully scraped the knife from the back of his head down to the back of his ankles in one continuous motion. This time the circle had opened up fully and he walked through into the circle. His body was covered with blood and he had no idea how he would stop the bleeding given the number of cuts he had made across himself.

Inside everything had changed for now he could not see outside. The Light had created darkness outside that was impenetrable. He felt alone in this tube well of light which had also closed up so that he could not spring free from its clutches. He was trapped and he raged at his own foolishness. All of a sudden he heard a singing voice that seemed to spring forth from the Light. A familiar voice that sang a song that he knew for many years. It was the song of sinners that Kara used to sing but reproduced in an entirely different manner. Where her voice was sweet and simple this was like the high pitched keening of the wind. It was cruel, incisive and efficient as if it had a singular purpose. His head ached and his eyes hurt as he sat down in the middle of the circle. Light had changed as it swirled around him coming closer with every revolution. He fancied he could see Kara in the Light dancing around him but he was not sure. Kara was soft and shapely while this was just an apparition that seemed to have neither substance nor any feelings. Its eyes glittered strangely like turquoise set in water and he felt himself losing all sense of reality. He was not sure where he was and what would happen to him. He really only wanted to lie down and experience this dream. He was sure it was nothing more than a dream but Kara's eyes puzzled him.

“Who are you?” he screamed. But of course there was no answer. Instead Light had changed again and this time he felt that it was whispering to him. Lover-like the Kara-Light draped itself around him folding itself gently on his body. He felt himself become sleepy and drifted off into a light pleasant nap. He could feel that he was going away into the clouds carried on soft eiderdown and it was so pleasurable that he yielded to his senses. It felt wonderful to be finally taken care of after those cruel hard days without Kara. He suddenly opened his eyes to see Kara bearing down on him with his knife in her hands holding it by the heft and raised high above her shoulders. Finally it dawned on him that the Light was Kara! Kara was Light!! His blood was what she wanted and the horror of it turned him into stone. It was all clear now and he could finally understand what had happened. Kara had left him for the Light and somehow they had become intertwined. Kara-Light or Light-Kara (he did not care which) was somehow inherently evil. Anything that wanted to end life was inherently evil and he knew that he himself was evil. Kara-Light-Himself! It was too much for his feeble mind. Darkness closed in on him and Kara disappeared for eternity.

The ficus tree grew old and weary. The grass dried up and withered. Trees fell overcome by the weight of their branches. The valley shrivelled like a waterless pigskin in the desert. The Light however remained. It still shone down on to the ground in a circle every day. It was a much larger circle and almost touched the ficus tree. It shone effervescent and yearning like a child with lustrous skin. It was wise in the ways of the world and it could spend hundreds of years waiting to grow. So Light lived on.