Random Musings -- Poste Tax-Day Blues -- On Taxing Liquor, Licking Taxes, and A Darn Good Argument For Electronic Filing ~ Original Story Of Sorts ~

---

"Look What I Found The Morning After Taxes Were Due!"

---

---

---

The Joys Of Tax Day, USA

Every 15th of April, we in America experience the joy of doing our taxes and sending them in to the Gov for perusal. Some folks have others do their taxes for them, which would be nice, but this process costs a chunk of money. And thus, being a true thrift-meister, combined with the fact that I lead a rather dull, non-complicated financial life, I do my own taxes.

And for some reason, I still do mine the old-fashioned way. By hand. On paper. I'm not entirely sure why, but if pinned down by a large, 'I Just Gotta Know' info-wrassler, or other shirtless, sweaty figure of demand, I suppose I would just say it seems easier for me.

If Only Steemit Was As Easy As Doing Taxes

I'm certainly capable of DOING these things electronically. After all, I've (sort of) figured out all the in's and out's of posting on this Steemit business. Tax prep calculations should be easy by comparison. Maybe I just like messing with a calculator and an old-style, mechanical pencil, and writing it all down. Seems to make it much simpler to check over the numbers and make sure I did it all correctly when it's compete.

Whatever the reasons, I still do mine on paper. And sometimes, I have a small aperitif when doing this complex paperwork. Usually a small glass of ice, well-coated with some Irish Cream, or some real-live, homemade plumb juice and Amaretto. Just seems to make this whole tax thing go smoother and a bit less painful. Ah, the small joys of life...taxes and a small snifter of booze.

---

---

Just A Small One, To Make This All Go Down Easier. Complete with Ancient Liquor-Tax Label Affixed

---

---

Good Old Mr. Fitzgerald

Rummaging about in the liquor cabinet for this year's April 15th imbibe-ance, I found an ancient, miniature bottle of Old Fitzgerald Whisky. This tiny bottle's been pushed around, back and forth in the dark recesses of the cupboard above the 'fridge for ages. One of those cute little bottles one might receive during a long airplane ride. And not only is it fun to look at, it's OLD. Still sporting one of those classic-looking seal/stamps on the neck and top, that used to accompany all bottles of liquor year's back.

These seals were actually quite beautifully designed, much like the details in our one dollar bill. (I'm sure there are all sorts of nifty details on the other, larger bills of our currency, but if I had bunches of those lying about to look at in comparison right now, I would, no doubt once again, have paid someone ELSE to do my taxes this year. And if someone else did my taxes, I would not have been rummaging about in the liquor cabinet for this year's dollop of alcohol to help me DO my taxes, and therefor I wouldn't have FOUND the Old Fitzgerald's, with the cool tax label to talk about here. So I'm sticking with the $1 bill.)

As you may be aware, all alcoholic beverages are taxed by the US Government, and the amount of tax varies by alcohol type and what State you are discussing. Irrelevant here, except that until the 1980's, they used to put a nifty-looking sticker on every bottle that proved the insides had been fully taxed. You can Wikipedia all this info if you so desire. I'm not going to.

Back Then I Collected Just About Everything

But I do remember that I always thought those labels were rather elegant, and pulled them off my Dad's bottles of liquor now and then, and kept them for a short time. A short time being a week or so, generally however long it took my Mother to find and run my latest pair of dungarees through the washing machine, thus transforming my 'cool labels' into small, rolly-balls of highly-compressed white paper. An exceedingly short-lived collection of classic liquor tax-stamps. (Just think, had I been a bit more 'with it' at the time, I might now have an awesome collection of old booze tax-labels, and someone else, once again, would be doing my taxes for me. Post situational dreaming is such fun, if not a bit frustrating at times.)

Jump ahead a few years, and here we are in 2017. Merrily having a small drink, completing my taxes by hand on paper, then driving like the proverbial barnyard fowl to the local postal office to get the thing mailed 'on time'. A very fat envelope, cello-taped shut, providing ample proof to the Internal Revenue Service that the thing was not done 'at the last minute', like sometimes-usual in the past, but was actually completed HOURS before the 11:59:59 PM cut-off for a timely postmark. Sometimes you just have to play smart in this world.

STINKY!!!

Jump even further ahead, to the morning AFTER tax day, and what I found once I exited my warm bed. I hadn't heard much during the early morning hours from Stinky the Cat, which is unusual, and when I walked past the office on my way to breakfast, I found out the reason why.

The dear cat was nowhere in sight, but the tax form copies (requirement by the IRS to be kept for 3 years) from the night before were very much in plain sight, right where I'd left them. All stacked up in highly organized fashion in a small, 8.5 x 11" box, waiting to be 'filed' within my intricately designed system.

And though I may be giving a furry house-mammal, blessed with a brain the size of a large walnut far too much credit, I quickly discovered WHY she had made herself scarce this morning. She had 'added a bit' to my tax forms sometime during the night. Actually, adding would be a mis-nomer. In reality, she had SUBTRACTED a bit from the forms. Which normally would be fine, as this would reduce the weight of the package, thus saving postage owed on the infernal thing.

In a perfect world, the cat just saved me 27 cents. In reality, she made quite a mess of things. Seems, while sleeping on top of my forms in the box, she had licked away at her long fur, and as is wont to happen on a regular basis, she licked right past her fur, to the areas all around where she was sleeping. The areas that contained my freshly penciled tax forms.

She Really Should Work In A Body Shop

I'm not sure WHY she does this. Pretty sure she has excellent vision. Maybe it's continued practice on something she should by-now have down to a fine art, but somehow still feels inadequate about. Or possibly this is a nervous habit she picked up from the other cats around the place.

Nothing to it. Just keep licking WAY beyond what is actually dirty, called for, or at-all necessary during grooming. But The Stink does not impress me as being a neurotic cat. Quite the opposite. She is normally quite mellow. So who knows what the deep-seated, feline behaviourogenics behind this odd habit may be.

Suffice it to say, given a long enough time with little interruption, I'm pretty sure she could work her way through the outer layers of a '75 Buick. And tax paper, by comparison, is no comparison. My poor forms had been worked over pretty good during the night by that raspy little tongue.

Luckily she is a smart cat, and though highly efficient at paper excavation, did not eradicate any of the important information from the forms. She only wore through the less-than important parts. (Note: I've redacted the actual info from these forms, as I would rather not provide the entire world my tax information, no matter HOW honest everyone out there claims to be.)

---

---

Page One

A Welcoming (And A Bit Dirty) Addition To My Hand-Cranked Tax Forms

---

---

Page Two

Notice How The Missing Shape At "Third Party Designee" Matches The Shape On Page One In "Adjusted Gross Income." These Were Stacked! You Have To Work Incredibly Hard To Get Through BOTH Pages!!

---

---

Where To Go From Here -- A Learning Experience?

Now all I have to do is dig around and find enough ancient bottles of Old Fitzgerald to numb the stress of the next 3 years, hoping against hope the IRS doesn't call me in for an audit on this year's taxes. It would be SO embarrassing. "No, really, the cat licked a hole in my taxes...REALLY!!" Sounds very similar to one of my many lack-of-completed-homework excuses back in Ms. Simmon's 6th grade class years back.

It is nice to dream. And to truly believe I might consider doing my taxes electronically next year. But I find this a highly un-likely scenario. These tax-prep things are on paper. And I like paper. I like my calculator, and my old mechanical pencils. Plus, how am I supposed to sip my aperitif, while pecking away on a vertical keyboard.

No, I feel we must keep our life as interesting as possible, and always a bit on the edge, to keep things from getting stale. Uh oh, the phone just rang. Now where IS the rest of that Old Fitzgerald?

~ Finto ~

---

---

The Culprit, In Another Box Of Her Choosing

---

---

---

---

---

---

Self-Actualized ~ MultiColor 99 3/3 Award for Number of Followers

---

---

---

---

Please Check Out My Other Posts, If You So Desire
~ALL ORIGINAL CONTENT~