Tips and tricks when applying for a job

Most of us find ourselves applying for a job. We might need to send applications and even go through a job interview.

There are big differences on how to apply, when to apply and how to handle the interviews. They all sum up to the same thing - to impress the potential employer that you are the best choice for the job.

It's not usually about being the funniest, the smartest, the prettiest or the fastest drummer. Especially if you're really fast drummer, then you don't need to apply for the job but jobs apply for you.

I'm not a drummer though, just like most of us. That's why we all need tips and tricks to apply for a job.

Let's get started.

A position is open!

You find out a position is open. That's great, it's more difficult to apply to positions which are not open.
To find the open position, you need to keep your eyes and ears open. You might see advertisements online, on magazines, on different posters or hear from family or friends.

You hear someones colleague fell in stairs and broke a leg? Congratulations, there might be a new opening for a temporary position! Even better, if they fell down the stairs to acid, they might have a opening for a permanent position.

When you find an open position, you can do a few things before applying.

1. Check for general information on the company.
2. Find out details and requirements on the position.
3. Spread lies about the company online how they treat employees terribly and beat them, so you can avoid competition when applying.

How to write the application?

I'll start with a bit different trick. You don't always need to write the application.
Sometimes it's enough that you'll just show up at the company and say "Hi, I'm coming to work here." and try to barge in the doors shouting "NOW PAY ME MONEYYYY!"

This way you'll make sure you will not get the position, even if you did apply later.

But writing the application takes a few important steps. This is how you sell yourself to the company and you want to be remembered. Don't send an unprofessional looking word document - why don't you be more creative with the application and CV?

• Use MS Paint to create it
• Use 3D design tools and create your CV as a technical drawing
• Send your application as a rap music video

You can bring out your strengths in very special ways. If your most special skill is shooting gangstas and pimping hoes, you need to present it correctly. Nobody believes in your skills if you only write about them.

Do you really think people read applications? No!

Are you worried that should you add a photo in your application/CV or not? You can try a fun trick and send only a photo instead of the application letter and CV.

Job interview

You've got this far by following my advise? Well done, I did believe in you all the time.
However if you are so insecure in applying for jobs that you're reading instructions about it on Steemit, you might have an issue. Or not!

If you've got this far, your future employer might be looking for insecure people with serious doubts about themselves.

This is why I recommend you all follow these simple steps:

• Don't tell any strengths but instead only weaknesses.
• Cry in the interview.
• Cancel the interview in advance because "I wouldn't get the job anyway"

Last but not least:

• Take your mom with you in the interview.

This will show everyone you're being serious about this and will bring you as their top candidate for the job. All you need to hope is that the other applicants just don't suck more than you do.

However, in some rare cases the employer wants to find an actually good and skillful applicant for the position. The most common method for these are to point out you're good at everything and you have no weaknesses, but the issue is to know when to say this so you won't be bragging.

So in case you'll be asked for weaknesses, you want to avoid the clichés like "I'm too dedicated to work" or "I'm too efficient". You might want to pick one of these weaknesses which can be taken seriously but do not make you look like a bad employee!

• "I've been involved in a few sexual harassment cases"
• "In my past I was a pony. Sometimes I think I still am."
• "I'm stealing stuff from the office in my butthole."
• "Sometimes I forget to wipe in the bathroom."
• "I do vote for vote on Steemit."

The employer interviewing you will have to admit these are weaknesses, but they do not harm your ability to work perfectly at work. This way you'll have weaknesses which are not weaknesses.

Accepting the position

Let's be serious. By following these advice, you will never get a job have so many jobs being offered to you, I'll need to write a post how to compare different tasks and positions to pick the best one.

Bye till the next time!

_{All images from Pixabay!}