Words of Affirmation

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when someone shows appreciation for your efforts? Or do you have a hard time expressing appreciation for someone else's efforts? How often to we really think about appreciation and the importance of it in every relationship? If you will think about it more and apply principles of appreciation you will see improvements in your relationships.

In the book "The Five Love Languages" Dr. Gary Chapman identifies "Words of Affirmation" as one of the Five! Words of affirmation and appreciation are synonymous so we can use them interchangeably in relationship communications. Dr. Chapman is specifically targeting close relationships and how they will either live or die as a result of what is said or not said. The same principles of affirmation are valuable in the office or work place. All people enjoy words of encouragement and appreciation; however, some need them more than other's.

In looking at statistics and reports on highly engaged employees vs. not highly engage employees we see the startling truth and the power of appreciation. One study showed that 92% of highly engaged employees said someone has talked to them about progress recently while only 13% of low engaged had been talked to about progress. 97% of highly engaged were encouraged to develop skills while only 10% of low engaged said they had been encouraged. When asked if their manager cared 98% of highly engaged employees said yes and only 20% of low engaged employees said yes. This leads us to a very important but often forgotten skill that manager, leader, parents, and spouses may forget and that is praise. When asked about recent praise 88% of highly engaged had been praised while a low 13% of low engaged employees had been praised. These numbers show some very important facts.

Praise, words of affirmation, gratitude and encouragement all play a powerful role in the engagement level of an individual. If you want those who are important to you to know they are important then using words of affirmation and appreciation will greatly increase the chances that they will know that you care.

Earlier I mentioned that some people need words of affirmation. This does not mean that others do not need it. What it does mean is that there may be some in your circle of importance who will flourish more with consistent words of affirmation. The use of words of affirmation will fill them faster, encourage them more and in all ways enable them to connect with you better.

One big caution with using words of affirmation…if your words do not fit your actions leading up to the words, then your words will be valueless. For example, if I am giving an employee performance review and I first berate and show frustration and anger towards the employee before mentioning that they are good at some other small thing, that employee will not hear my words of affirmation. Here are two ways a performance review could play out

Not Helpful

Manager: James do you know why you are here today?

James: Yes a performance review

Manager: Ya about that, you aren't doing so well here.

James: Oh, I didn't know I thought I was a good performer.

Manager: Well yes in some area's you are. For example, your reports are very thorough but it takes you a long time to write them and we need you spending time on other things.

James: Ok, I guess I can work on speeding up the writing time.

Manager: That would be great but we also need to you to work on talking to co-workers less, taking less breaks and …..

Better way

Manager: James thank you for coming in today. Do you know why I asked you to step away from your busy schedule?

James: Yes, I think! Isn't it performance review time?

Manager: Yes, it is. I know sometimes these reviews can be a little scary. So I want you to know right away that we really appreciate all the work you do here. You are very good about detailing the interactions that you have with clients and your reports are filled with valuable information. Your level of commitment to clarity in reporting is very helpful and we appreciate that. We would like you to use those same skills when you work on the research assignments that we have handed out to you. I personally look forward to reading the research reports because I know they will be thorough and have important details.

James: Thank you. I will continue to work hard.

In scenario two James goes away with a desire to keep working hard. If he was not working as hard on his research assignments this feedback will encourage that. Now think of how much more enjoyable your life will be when you use positive feedback, words or affirmation or appreciation in your relationships. The use of genuine words of affirmation will encourage, lift up, and enhance the lives of those you offer them to. At home use words of affirmation to show your gratitude to your children or spouse. Always use words of affirmation that are true and be as specific as you can.