We-Write #14: At the Club/Moonstruck

in #wewrite5 years ago

full moon pic.png

This is my entry to @freewritehouse's and @zeldacroft's WeWrite challenge
I donned my Mills & Boon hat for this one, so I hope it's not too corny.
The images are my own.

At the Club
by @zeldacroft

The club lights flashed and waved to the beating music. They washed the dancefloor in neon colors, in time to the heavy vibrations of the giant speakers. Surprisingly, Toby admired the bright lights, how they illuminated the huge space and modern architecture. Though he found himself nursing a headache at the bar.

Jan from accounting had organized the “bonding time” for the office, saying how it’d bring everyone closer together. Toby had been devoid of any good excuse, so now he was stuck between a beer, clubbers, and Jan, with her volume louder than the pounding speakers.

“And so that’s when I said, ‘Kevin, that’s the wrong variable!’” She snorted in laughter at her own joke. Toby managed a smile. “You see, he made a simple mistake!”

“No, I get it. I think Susan’s around here somewhere, she’d appreciate hearing it too.”

“That’s a good idea, but I can tell her on Monday!”

Toby took another drink. He liked Jan well-enough at work, but tonight was proving a little more difficult.

“That does bring up a good point, though. I haven’t seen many people from the office here." Scanning the room, she asked, "Do you think they're stuck in traffic?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Toby answered, knowing full well it was more a case of empty promises. Still, there was something about the disappointment in her eyes that struck him. “But hey, you got some of us here.”

She gave a small smile and looked around again, this time lingering towards the lights.

“Hey, let’s go dance!”

Before Toby could gently protest, she’d swept him onto the floor, beer and all.



If there was one thing Toby detested more than pounding music, it was dancing to that pounding music. But rather than add to Jan’s disappointment, he allowed her to drag him through the mass of swaying forms; one hand held high as he manoeuvred his beer glass over the heads of the pulsating crowd.

At first, he stood motionless watching Jan, his mind busy with a plan to extricate his aching head from this awkward situation without causing her offence. But soon the mesmerising colours of the neon lights washing over her body, undulating to the thumping rhythm of the bass, caused his feet to move unbidden keeping time with her as they leaned closer, the better to hear each other above the tremendous din.

He’d never quite got the hang of talking and dancing simultaneously, and they laughed together at his two left feet which tripped over each other every time he started to speak. In fact, he found himself laughing a lot with Jan, his headache forgotten as she made a running commentary on the crowd around them, irreverent but not unkind until Toby’s sides were splitting, and he was gasping for breath.

Their animated conversation continued back at the bar, the spell binding them together broken only when Susan interrupted to say she was calling it a night since none of the others had turned up.

As the three of them made for the exit, who should come crashing through it but their nine thirsty workmates held up in traffic after an accident on the motorway. Toby could not account for the warmth that flooded through him when he saw the look, somewhere between relief and gratitude, that lit up Jan's face.

Years later at a gathering for their 10th wedding anniversary, Jan was recounting the tale of the night she and Toby had laughed themselves into love at the Silvery Moon Nightclub. Her mother, hearing this for the first time, was quick to remind her of the palm reading she'd had on her eighteenth birthday and the psychic’s prediction that she would find her true love by the light of the silvery moon.


I was hoping someone would have Toby and Jan fall in love! Well told, and I love the happy ending. The prediction of the silvery moon is a nice touch ✨🌒

Thanks very much! The prompt was a pleasure to work with, full of little details suggesting possible directions. It was this line something about the disappointment in her eyes that struck him that suggested the Jan/Toby love angle.

I love this! The ending was a perfect happy ending and the last sentence was priceless. Way to go DW...another rare, happy ending. LOL!

All your softness and cuddliness must be rubbing off on me....oh no!

Some moments made me laugh. Your Toby must have loved "her volume louder than the pounding speakers" wife. Cool!

That he did. He was dropped on his bonce as a small child and had been a bit deaf ever since. A match made in heaven or what?

ahahah )))

...true love by the light of the silvery moon 🌙
A good laughter is the key, I agree. A lovely read!

Thank you kindly and right back at ya!

I love this story!!!
My first thought: Didn't he set down that beer somewhere??? through the mass of swaying forms; one hand held high as he manoeuvred his beer glass over the heads of the pulsating crowd. PUT DOWN THAT BEER, boy! I was still thinking about that beer as she made a running commentary on the crowd around them, irreverent but not unkind until Toby’s sides were splitting, and he was gasping for breath. This is like the movies and TV shows where nobody ever shuts the door. Not on the fridge, not the front door. Shut the door! How can I focuse on what happens next?
But you totally reeled me in. The ending is perfect. The palm-reading mother and the lovely, poetic prediction: she would find her true love by the light of the silvery moon. Ok, the mother may not have been the palm reader, but she remembered it. "The Silvery Moon" nightclub. #Loveit!!!!
And I'm so happy to see you writing again!

Dammit! I forgot the beer! I'm such a stickler for detail and I forgot the beer. You're a little darling for pointing that out. I thought I was so perfect but I think I'll have to think it out again;)
As to writing again, I do read your weekly freewrite favourites posts you know, every word:):)
Thanks for being such a great inspiration and for all the hard work you do for the freewrite community.

You're thanking me? You do prompt delivery! That's a herculean job.
I wasn't faulting you for neglecting to mention the beer - honest! - just saying, that's the kind of thing I worry about. Because, German. Because, BEER!
I love your writing!!! Thanks so much for reading mine too. And we don't have upvote power or time time comment on everything. I'm glad you're here!!

No worries m'dear, I treat everything as a compliment unless the evidence to the contrary is overwhelming;) and I genuinely appreciate the way you read so thoroughly and comment so masterfully.
As you can see, I myself am still learning the art of the inciteful comment.

OMG you are brilliant - the INCITEFUL comment!!!!

That is so rich! I'm so STeALING it!
Insightful, incite-ful
Sheer genius!

Each post following your comment about the beer has taken pains to address the issue. Inciteful or what? I rest my case:)


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy,

Ben Franklin said, and I just don't want to step on sticky beer on the dance floor. What a waste and Ewww - Guard your beer, dancers!!!!

I'm a life-long teetotaller. No wonder I'm miserable;)

@deirdyweirdy I love a good love story and this one did not disappoint me.

Aw, thanks for that. It's the first love story I've written. I must be getting soft in my old age.

@deirdyweirdy You know what they say, the first time is the charm, or it can only get better from here. either way, I enjoyed it.

I LOVE THIS STORY! I had a similar one in mind (taking place at the Roseland Ballroom and their names get put up on the board of white punched black tape names of the couples who met at Roseland). Now I happily have to come up with something else!
Love the NINE co-workers actually did get stuck in traffic, the psychic, the whole thing.

Of course you did! You know what they say about great minds, but I'm so glad I got there first:)

oh girl now I am writing one that weaves yours into mine. hahaha Two couples are going to fall in love there tonight. Too corny?

I hope Jan doesn't fall for Toby but he's secretly in love with Kevin:)

So far only my guy is there, and Jan and Toby make their ways to the dance floor while my Edgar watches, planning his escape.
We'll see what happens. I love writing these stories.
Thank you so much for joining us this week.

Hmm, the importance of being Edgar. I love it already;)

hahaha. My man is earnest, that's for sure. I'm stuck on it though. boo hoo. He's there, but I haven't managed to get Elsie into the story in the 230 words I have left to do so.

The importance of being EdgarI love it too!!
Love your enthusiasm, ladies!
It's making me want to kick my ^ss into gear and get back to it myself.

A good sequel. In this story the end was well fulfilled: "everyone was happy", because ten years later, they were still together, married and celebrating that meeting.

Thank you kindly m'dear for taking time to read my scribblings.


Your post was nominated for this week's

Freewrite House Favorites from Your Recommendations

Coming Friday!


This post has been manually curated, resteemed
and gifted with some virtually delicious cake
from the @helpiecake curation team!

Much love to you from all of us at @helpie!
Keep up the great work!


Aw, cute story!
Manually curated by @free-reign.

@helpie is a Community Witness.

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