You are not alone. I've been there. I'm still kinda there. Step 1, breathe. Step 2, prioritize and prepare for the worst. Reaching out is good. Trying to improve yourself at every turn is good. Step 3. It's not your fault. You just have to deal with it. Seek therapy if any healthcare is available to you. Ask about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and look online for CBT self help to help you focus on things that will keep you feeling ok and productive. Step 4, If it reaches the top of your priority list, clean up this entry and write a blog post that means something to you. This operation is a place to invest. We are all at risk of wasting our time with Steem if we are in it for the money.