Wedding Chronicles - The list

4 days left till the wedding. Never a dull moment tho. You have to be very careful as a man when it comes down to love, marriage and honesty. Women in general want you to lie. No, they really do. Because most of the times they can't stand it when you are honest. Either that or they simply won't believe you. Even worse, they ridicule or petty you for your honesty.

Just last night we were playfighting with eachother. You know how it goes, she tickles me, I tickle her. She hits me, I hit her back and kick her in the face. Alas, after stopping her nosebleed we laughed and we ended up having a conversation about honesty.

The list

So I told her that, for me, I was convinced she loved me. There was not a single doubt in my mind that she did not love me. At least at this moment since we are about to get married. I was really honest about that. She decided to use a little reverse psychology on me and asked me who I loved. Apparantly, Doutzen Kroes wasn't the right answer.

You see, I really love my wife-to-be. But I also have this "In case this happens" list of women. This list contains two to three names of women who, should the occasion arise, will be fucked senseless. Doutzen is one of them. And I believe every man on earth has this list. All filled with women who are unreachable for 99% of men on earth. But it's a fun thing to have, this list.

For me the women on this list are women who are unreachable for mortal beings as they live either in a different galaxy or a have a slightly different lifestyle than me. I love to party hard and snort mountains of cocaine too but the local bar is not a place where one will stumble upon these beautiful creations. So that will keep Doutzen safe from me. The restraining she has filed against me does a good job too by the way.

Stella from HR

It gets trickier if one lowers his standards and writes people down on the list that are somewhat more reachable. Like adding that sweet little co-worker from HR. Or your girlfriends sister. That's how things really get started. Because the list is not only a "In case should the occasion occur" list. It's also somewhat becomes target list once you add names that are more in your surroundings. The list immidiately turns into a prophecy really. And you know you're doomed.

That's how cheating starts really. You add Stella from HR to the list just for fun, chat to her two three times. Add her on messenger, drive her home once after the office's christmas party and two weeks later you cross her off the list. Target achieved. Stella's fucked and so are you because this was not really what you wanted. But hey, it's on the list and since your wife reminds you daily to check your "To do" list its really her fault.

So it all comes back to the wife really. You taught him well. He finally finished his list. Not the list you had in mind though. That's the reason why I never have anyone close to me on the list. It prevents me from cheating but still have something to dream about. I do love Doutzen (and Lily Carter but that's something different really), because she makes sure I don't cheat on my wife. Wives have those lists too but they approach it slightly different.

The "him" list

Their mission is slightly different. It's more about on who's list they want to be and how they can get on that list as fast as possible. The "how" makes it more trickier for the ladies. Because if they found a target they tend to try everything they can to get on that list. But they are very picky and they want only very vertain man to have them on their list. And the list usually contains only one name. As for men, we mostly have a longer set of names on our list. We are not that picky.

So my advice to all you lovers out there whose big secret is the list. Make sure to only use names of people you are sure to never be able to encounter anyway. That way your marriage will stay safe and clear of cheating. I promise.

Cheers,

Check out my previous entry Wedding Chronicles - Inventions of men for women