Wedding Chronicles - Inventions of men for women

5 days left. I can hardly breathe anymore. My back hurts and I can't feel my legs anymore. It feels like I've been fighting in the trenches of Dunkirk the last couple of days. The taste of dirt in my mouth makes me want to vomit and the sweet thats dripping of my back make me decide that I am not vacuum cleaning the house ever again. I'm a man and I'm not supposed to do that.

What If my back doesn't heal well enough before the wedding? Or I actually have to vomit and must clean that too. Ridicilous! That's too much to ask from me. I am a man and we are not supposed to do those choirs. That's why we did invent the machines. We did invent the vacuum cleaner among other things. In fact we did invent the laundry machine so we can contribute to releasing pressure in the household from the wives shoulders.

You should thank us men that we made it possible that you don't have to go to the nearest river anymore to wash the dirty clothes. You see how thoughtful we are? I bet the inventor of the laundry machine was done with all his wife's nagging so he came up with that idea. Same goes for all the other household items. In fact, feminism would be not possible without the inventions of us, men!

Gender equality

We made it possible that you have oodles of free time to spent. And what do you do with that? You want a voice. More equality. Do you really think that Elizabeth Stanton did her own laundry? Noooo, I bet she had household maids washing and cleaning everything just so she could think about what she thought she was missing. Not a man apparantly, since she was all about equal rights and so. It's called emancepation for a reason.

But my wife-to-be thinks I should do even more choirs. Unbelievable. She gets all my love, I vacuum once every other week (or so I tell her), sometimes I carry the dirty laundry downstairs (mostly when I need something clean to wear), and I don't tell her how to cook once she's in the kitchen. I even go out two to three times a week so she can rest. She really gets all the freedom she needs from me but still wants me to do more. I did something already!

Spreading my energy

Apparantly I am lazy. What she fails to understand is that I am spreading my energy so I can maximize the turn-out. Like profit. If needed I will have the strength of a roaring bear or an elephant (I already have the trunk). But it's never needed so I can power up. And then she wonders why she is always so tired. The answer is simple: Because she fails to spread her energy consumption. Somehow she is always busy doing things whereas I simply wait till things clear up themselves.

For example: We have this magical livingroom table which you can make dirty as hell, leave everything on and never have to clean it. No matter how dirty it is, the next day everyhting is spotless clean. Same with the laundry basket. You don't even have to fold your towels. Just leave it for a night and the next day the towels will be in the bathroomcloset, folded and all! True magic. Yet for some reason she doesn't either believe in magic or she doesn't understand the concept of it. The fact of the matter is that 5 days prior to our wedding I firmly believe she should rest more.

Because I plan on having a wild weddingnight. I even washed my balls already last week so she has no reason to not feel special that night. And once I drop my pink boxers she will be amazed for sure, I'm absolutely positive about that. But now I have to rest because I have to prepare for the wife-to-be coming home from work in a few hours.

If you still don't believe in magic I strongly advice for you to watch the following video which is an accurate describtion of what's happening at our home every day. I always make sure she doesn't sit on the table tho.

Feel free to check out the previous wedding chronicles - the walking dad