I don't accept your God, but I do accept your humanity. There is no disappointment in having depression (even almost depression). There's no need to waste your time with an invisible friend who has a lot to answer for. You have life. Live it if you can. Rise above your nature as the opportunity to do so presents itself. If people make you happy, then invest your time in people. Don't obligate yourself, as that will just make waves of self-hate you don't need. You are only human, and thus can only do what a human can do, which isn't much.

You won't find success in making your feelings something they are not, but you can find success in being mindful of your feelings. Let the worst of them pass through you like the tide. When one leaves, another will follow. What shape will the next one take? If you want a friend, just speak and you will find them.

Sometimes other distractions work just as well. Pinch yourself, rather than burn or cut. It will lessen the pain just the same. Listen to music and/or sing, even if it is lame spiritual hymns.

Personally, I like the band Smile Empty Soul. A post grunge band that really drives the hardest feelings home. With them, I can accept what I feel and ride the wave. Fuck the status quo, fuck trying, fuck fighting, fuck everyone. They give me a release and vindication, but they are not for everybody.

If the reality is that you should not feel like dying, then the way is to not feel like dying. Be real. Find a way to live if you can.