Voices for the Victims
Yesterday I was cyber-bullied and called a liar because of blogging here about my rape.
I was already trying to brush off many comments calling me a liar for the magnitude of rapes or saying if I am not lying it is clearly me that is the problem and I need to look at what I'm doing wrong. Just let that sink in.
One of those comments:
"
Am I the only one wondering why she ends up in bed with her "best friend", both drunk?
And why she immediately assumes victim status? It's not like this "best friend" of hers was sober either, was it? So they were both drunk and mistakes were made, why is it automatically the guys' fault?"
I was unconscious. That is why it's the guy's fault. Also, I wasn't in his bed. He came from the couch and assaulted me. And he also questioned why I was in that situation. The post is about a person I was friends with for 8 years raping me when we drank together. Why was I having drinks with a very long time friend? Really?
So anyways, this last straw with the blog created to mock me really triggered me. I spent my entire life being told to not talk about my rape and blamed for it. It took a long time to finally come out and talk about it. And having a person create a blog solely to mock me and call me a liar just wrecked me. I was shaking and sobbing and had to sleep with the lights on because of my PTSD.
I had posted a blog saying how I was done blogging here about my rape/at all for awhile. I got on facebook and posted there that I was done blogging about my rape. The thing is, on facebook I am a mentor to a lot of women, some of them young, who I am in a support group with and many of them were very inspired and empowered by my blog. One woman commented on my blog about quitting because of the cyber-bullying and said "This is why I am quiet about my abuse".
That set me off.
I remembered why I was doing this in the first place. I remembered that this, people like this are the reason so many women are silent about their abuse. So I decided to come back today with a blog called "Voices for Victims" with stories from women in a support group I am part of telling me about why they are afraid to talk about their rape.
I will continue regularly featuring in-depth stories from victims who are too afraid to tell their story.
(I was open to getting stories from men too, but received none. A lot of my stories were gathered from a female group and also regarding men who are my friends they may be afraid to come forward even to me as they probably have a lot of fear about coming out because of how men are "supposed" to act in modern society and how they are treated if they display vulnerability.)
So, here are the stories of victims, like me, who are afraid to speak about their abuse/assaults:
20/F
"I don't speak out because when I was taken advantage of and had my virginity stolen at 13 by a 24 year old man, I was treated like a prostitute at the hospital when they did my rape kit and was asked "did I want to spend the rest of my life doing things like this?" I wore rainbow knee high socks and a children's Hollister shirt that I never got back. It took me years to even come to terms with the fact that I didn't lose my virginity, but that I was actually raped because of the way I was treated by the nurses. And my family also treated me like I was dirty, foolish, and a slut. Even though he was almost twice my age and gave me drugs and alcohol."
25/F
"It is really traumatic when your mother is sitting in your bedroom yelling at you for not being silent. The funny thing is I hadn't told anyone. No one knew anything. She was telling me about how I was disgrace and how I was ruining our families reputation. That is why I have not told people what's really happened to me until recently which is when my friend told me that my personality type is why it keeps happening."
27/F
"When I initially told my husband what happened I told him I had sex with someone. I used to drink. Alot. And thought I was cheating. Honestly it almost broke up our marriage. I was drinking the entire night and the guy hadn't drank anything. I was sitting on his lap and making out with him in front of a bunch of people I don't know and even that part is hazy. Something happened outside of the party we were at oral sex I think. And then I remember him on top of me in his car. The first time I realized it was rape, I told my friend I wasn't sober at all. His eyes got really wide and he was like "oh shit". I blamed myself cause I'm a binge drinker and hadn't gone out 3 months prior to the rape. I told my mom I cheated on my husband and she didn't even ask me more about it. She just said I shouldn't drink. Since then, I don't go out. I have to be in a safe place with very few people when I do. I told my therapist it was cheating. I couldn't even admit to myself it wasn't my fucking fault until very recently. "
29/F
"There are days when I still blame myself for my abuse (while I know better in my mind, it still backtracks). But I'm not the one who saw an isolated, drugged out, sad girl and took advantage. I'm not the person who fed me copious amounts of alcohol at a gay club in downtown Houston. I'm not the one who gave this drunk girl ecstasy on top of liquor.But I am the girl who got manipulated & assaulted. I am the girl who was scared and frightened of a 6'4", 300lb man who pushed me around violently to get what he wanted. I am the girl who laid there in silent & fearful as this monster tried to have his way with me. I am the girl who had huge black bruises all over my body hours later. I am the girl who couldn't stop crying about the encounter. I am the girl who would literally hide in her closet because she couldn't face the world. I am the girl who pushed away the entire incident and buried it. I'm the girl who had a breakdown a year later when I realized just what had happened to me.My assaulter was enrolled in the police academy. He is "like a son" to my boss. He regularly comes into my place of work and acts like nothing is wrong. I didn't believe that anyone would believe me. Given his status and where I was at that time in my life (methed out & strung out), I didn't believe that anyone would even consider the truth. My voice has been silenced, but the pain will always remain."20/F
I cannot even bring myself to remember the first time I was sexually abused nor, honestly do I want to. I could go on for so long with all of times I have experienced sexual abuse, but then I would be called a liar since there is no way that it possibly could happen to one person multiple times right? wrong. I think the only one that I can really bring myself to even talk about it probably the first time I was raped.I used to hang out with this rude guy and we would watch shows together. I liked hanging out with him because he always bought me alcohol (I was 17, he was 21) and he liked it, because I thought it was ok to kiss him since he bought me booze. He used to love getting me drunk and trying to get me to have sex with him but every time I would shove him away, tell him no etc. Until once day I was not drinking. I can't even fucking write this. To not be graphic he forced me to have sex with him even though I told him no. Quite a few times. I thought we were friends.I hate myself every fucking day for not telling him to get the fuck away from me. or better yet, not even hanging out with him to begin with. and I can't tell my story because no one would believe me because they thought we were friends and why else? Because I didn't want to have him arrested and ruin his life. Mine will never be the same because I cannot tell anyone but he gets to live like nothing ever happened.
25/F
" When I was a child my father's friend molested meet while he was babysitting me. When I told my father I got in trouble for lying.""I was at a bar to pee and decided to have a drink. I was drugged, kidnapped, and raped. And when I managed to find a computer to contact my (ex) husband when my attacker left the house, he said it's my fault for going out with my friends and refused to help me."22/F
"He called me a liar, and had his friends message me harassing statements saying even if the abuse did happen -- I deserved it. People who actually saw him beat me, were still claiming he was a nice boy and I shouldn't run my mouth. I was scared to leave my house alone, because he showed up EVERYWHERE. Our boss refused to even change our schedules so I wouldn't have to be alone with him. Going public about my abuse made my life way worse, and it shouldn't be like that"23/F
"I'm afraid to speak out about the experiences against me because my attacker to this day makes me feel manipulated and watched. I live in the same town I was attacked in 8 years ago, and word gets around fast, and never the word you want. My attacker manipulated the story, and made me out to be a prostitute in trade for drugs. He threatened my life. He knows where I live. People call me a whore, druggie, give me dirty looks when I walk in fancier places. I feel like my reputation precedes my voice."22/F
When I was 16 years old I was raped in my sleep multiple times by my 18 year old boyfriend of two years. I never told anyone because he had convinced me it was not rape, that he owned my body because we were together. I know I should have left, I had suffered severe trauma from my mother since I was 10 years old and the fact a man would even want to have sex with me, was a miracle, well thats what he told me.
He also convinced me I wanted it and when I said no it was me "playing" hard to get. I never spoke about it until I was 18. The first person I tried to tell was a friend, he told me that I shouldn't tell anyone. He told me it was my fault for staying in the relationship. He said if it was REALLY rape I would have left and told the cops.
When I told my mom she said I was lying, that sweet boy would never hurt you. She said that I was trying to ruin his life by creating a lie. I told my sister and she never stopped talking to him, even when I begged her to stay away. She said "Well he never hurt me".The only person who believed me was my best friend and I will be forever grateful she helped me through the self doubt, the anger, and the pain of being used and disrespected. He never left my life or my family alone, he worked with my dad and stayed close until one night he sent me a text. He asked how I was and I was so mean and so harsh to him, asking him what he wanted. He ended his life one hour after his last text.Those were only some of the stories I received from women in the support group. I got all those stories within a day of explaining the project and requesting them. All the women made sure to tell me to keep it anonymous even though I said I would, they still felt they had to be extra sure it won't get back to them because they are afraid.
I am being called a liar by many people because of how many times I was raped. I am not a liar. I have the depression, anxiety, and PTSD to prove it. But the people accusing me won't change their minds.
The thing is, I am not writing my story for those people. I am writing my story for the people above and the thousand upon thousands of other victims too afraid to speak about their abuse. Sometimes for fear that something exactly like what happened to me will happen to them. Well, I want them to see me standing up in the face of this oppression. And I want them to have a voice.
I will be regularly spotlighting anonymous in-depth stories from victims. It will be called "Voices for the Victims"
And I will not be anonymous. I will be the face and voice for victims that are still too afraid to speak on their own and if I want to blog about my rape, I will. And yes, I've been raped many times and, no, that doesn't make it my fault. This is my life and my story to tell. For the people that matter and the people that need to see it.
Also, I am donating 25% of my earnings from this post to RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. I will post proof of that in my next "Voices for the Victims" blog.
I am no longer reading comments by certain people that I know are posting negative things on these blogs. So, enjoy repeatedly commenting and wasting your time but as soon as I see your name I will ignore it.
It certainly is much easier to do that rather than engage in debate and prove your opponent wrong.
she doesnt need to "prove" anything.
Correct. Nor do I need to be forced to see her posts and automatically agree with everything.
And if I disagree, I don't need to stay silent.
So she exercises her rights, and I exercise mine.
Sounds fair to me.
Why is it so important to you?
Because while you are shitting on sjw tatics you are doing the exact same thing.
Most of your disagreements are bullshit/fallices and have nothing to do with the post just meant to enrage the poster.
Not sure if it was you (on mobile) but why is it consider proof she is lying because she is sharing her experience and recieving money? God forbid a victim recieves something benefical for speaking out about abuse. People need money to survive and there is no way I would use that to shame others, its silly.
Hello roninwoods, thanks for the comment.
Would you mind elaborating on which SJW tactics I am using?
When you say "most of my disagreements" are bullshit, what do you mean by that? That you don't agree with them?
I reply not to enrage the poster, but to stimulate debate about something that I believe is wrong. It may enrage you and all the other sensitive commenters who insist on resorting to ad-hominem attacks and downvoting to silence a voice of dissent.
But you are conflating when you say that I post to enrage. Causality, causality.
To address the final part of your comment, I challenge you or anyone who cares to, to go and read my posting history, and find a post where I say @lauralemons is lying.
If you invest the time, you will come to realize I never said - or implied - such thing.
Take it for what it is, but it is interesting this was her first assumption .. that I had accused her of lying.
While we may disagree on the following (I, for one, have no trouble with disagreement and different points of view ;)), it seems immoral, dubious and inauthentic that she is attempting to profit from her victimization.
It's clearly a conflict of interest - in my opinion.
And in much the same way she can decide to post on the internet for all to see about anything she wants, I too can post my opinions in response. Someone else in the thread said it right, this is not a blog with comments disabled, it's a two-way street.
Some people are not gonna like what some other people write, how could it ever be any other way?
You see, the difference is that I still want @stellabelle and @lauralemons to post their opinions, they want mine silenced.
At some point, you've gotta ask why.
That is also called denial.
This isn't just a blog. You may be used to writing blogs and having no one comment on them, but here you have to be able to take criticism or people calling out to the reality of your content. It seems more like a sci-fi blog these days, and the actions you have taken strongly suggest it being more lies the way you get so self-defensive about the slightest thing.
I applaud you. Way to turn your painful experiences around into something that will help many other survivors of sexual violence. I hope it also helps you continue to heal and overcome.
My heart literally sunk and my stomach knotted when I saw I had a comment. I was bracing myself for more harassment. Glad it was you instead. But I am still ready! <3
"My heart literally sunk and my stomach knotted when I saw I had a comment. I was bracing myself for more harassment."
lol. just lol.
I am disgusted by these comments. Aparently these people have nothing better to do.
I'm disgusted by people faking rape stories for attention and profit. That's so fucked up on so many levels.
I know her personally and she is not faking. She has expressed these stories in other places of nonprofit.
Also one of those stories (in this post) is mine and I know the other people who spoke out. You have no proof she is lying and all you are doing is stalking her blogs and making her feel like shit. Please stop. There is no purpose in what you are doing and you all are causing a lot of harm.
Didnt she say this was the first time she was expressing this stories here in steemit?
he says he will stop but he won't. He has said he will since I joined. Really he's another troll.
Do you remember how this all started? I posted a reply to user krypto asking if he had read your whole post before replying (which he obviously hadn't) and you went off with not 1, but 3 replies to me as if I had ran over your cat or something. Now I don't know why that pissed me off so bad. I write about people verifying their introduceyourself posts all the time cause I want it to be authentic when I upvote something and not let the abusive ways of blockchain anonymity to be free to do whatever they want for quick profit. And in most cases posts will do much better with verification. But you instead got self-defensive INSTANTLY without me even replying or direcring anything at you.
Thia is when I got curious, so I started reading the rest of your posts. (Cute cat btw, I love cats) and I also liked the coloring book and that's a good way to earn money - hope you sell more of it.
But just because this place used to be "mostly male" and you happened to be one of the few women here, you probably noticed you were making real money and getting attention at the same time. So this is where things statrted becoming intresting. Your posts were coming more frequently, the level of posts went from somethibg like "my father used to rapw me and why I'm glad he is dead" to "this one time I shit in a cup and had some family drink from it." Let me tell you that reading them all at once is like binge-watching a TV show 4-8 episodes a day. You remember every little detail pretty well and anyone who would do the same would notice where your stories weren't adding up anymore. More lies came to light, more questions arised and more doubt abouy the reality of your "blogs". I actually got pissed off you wasted your own chance like this and made me lose all respect for you. When I one the 2nd tile replied with something hurtful on purpose but brushed it off as it being a joke, it was just a test to see how you would react. The way you reacted to it was priceless. You first said you weren't downvoting my replies, yet I saw you do it and called you out. Steemd showed the downvotr and un-vote command, yet you still continued lying and then downvoted the rest of my comments or had some other account do it. You couldn't admit you were acting ridiculous, you just dug your whole deeper. Then at some point I stopped givibg a fuck but when I noticed this thread and that some other people have started seeing through your shit, I was even more sure that what I saw to be made up back then was true.
In the altcoin business you learn to decipher fakes and uselessness pretty well after a couple years, guess it helped filtering through people too.
I'm gurssing when you noticed more girls were coming to the site and being more popular or famous than you, you got jeolous so you decided to step it up a notch with the posting. (and I'm pretty sure I know who you were referring to by saying "lol these skinny blind bitches get all the attention" or something similar.
But with every blogpost more bullshit came out. Its not hard to fake all these stuff you talk about in this day and age. I predicted you would go the "I'm here to help other women who have been raped" and the example posts you have posted here are so ridiculously fake and created by yourself that it surprises me you would think the rest of the internet are that dumb to believe them. You may have been able to get away with this fake shit on facebook where most people believe anything, but here where it took us 1 hour to turn a man who wanted the world to think he was bitcoins creator and had fooled devs and the media of being so, into the laughstock of the year by calling out his fake try to verify the signed message. Just like you.
Anyway, good luck, hope you wake up some day and realize you wanna do something real with your life instead of being addicted to whatever it is you are now and the biggest mystery is why you have to drink yourself uncounciess every time... lol.
Oh and @stellabella or whatever you are called. Nice job with downvoting comments, please go tl r/bitcoin if you like censoring stuff. I don't give a shit what your steempower is, you don't seem to be the brightest tool in the shed either when reading your recent posts.
Hope you enjoyed typing that very, very long comment but you are one the names I am not reading comments from getssidetracked as I said. I caught "do you remember" but you're really wasting your time to continue commented on my things. :) It's fine if you do though.
You knowing her irl and saying these things actually happened proves nothing either. But fine I'll stop commenting. The thought of her reacting to this the way she does tells me there isn't a lot required to make her jump.
Thank you and it doesnt prove anything, you are correct. But I trust and love her. She has done nothing but treat me with kindness and as a victim and a person with bipolar disorder I honestly would have to see my therapist after reading these hateful/negative comments. Its not okay and words do have effects on others. Thank you for listening.
you got a point but you don't know the truth , you only assume
Laura got lots of attention and she deserves it . She got mine for sure because this whole discussion gives me a reminder for how many years I am quiet about rape and abuse in any kind of form . Its not up to any of you to place some judgemental comments , questioning what type of girl she is as she describes in some of her posts herself . I feel sorry for her and why , I will probably write on my own blog sooner or later and its not "just" another rape story , no ....its what happens to girls , women ....after .... They need to build trust again and damaged for life , even though there are ways to cope with such horrific disrespectful incidents , some do drugs , some became sluts or paid prostitutes some become introvert and shy , some are looking for therapists , abusive boyfriends , some turn into anger , some into compassion , some will even continue to provoke more . Its all fucked up ! POINT made for now ! no Girl , woman can ever be the same as before "NOPENISCONTROL" happens . oh and some will just cry quietly and alone avoiding more questions and shame .
I wrote before , those guys who do not understand the word "NO" , need to be put in diapers and somebody needs to teach them about values and what it means to respect your sisters and mothers or girlfriends , wives ....
Thank you for sharing your story and others with the world. I can only hope that this goes viral, so the men who commit crimes like this may see how vile they truly are and the negative impact they have on the world. I also hope that many people see this so that they know how to help a victim, rather than hurt them even worse.
Why do you assume men are the only ones raping?
http://thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-jensen-iii/2014/08/19-men-share-stories-of-being-raped-by-a-woman-nsfw/
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Man-tells-of-shock-pain-after-women-raped-him-in-PE-20150512
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5414518
rofl at the amount of downvotes, hahaha. Hello north-korea.
Yeah, hopefully robbery victims should do the same, so men who rob may see how vile they truly are.
I am sure that will have a positive effect too
Good luck to you!! Your courage should be congratulated, that's the trouble with our society!!
Go say that to false accusations of rape who have men sitting behind bars for a long time for not doing shit.
This is why you gotta have a camera or phone on you recording at all times in the U.S now... its like the russian dashcams but instead girls trying to take money from you by false rape allegations. Its sickening.
Why did you feel the need to downvote this, @stellabelle? Do you not agree that falsely accusing a man of raping someone is disgusting and should be penalized?
I support you laura!
Don't! She is going to say you raped her
"leaving your door and windows open when you leave your house does not cause robbery, thieves do"
The flipside of putting it out there always means one has to be ready to face applause, empathy, criticism or unfortunately ridicule or bullying . In my country the number of false rape cases (as well as real ones) are high. It's hard to figure out the truth sometimes without knowing all the facts. The lesson in this for all is not to jump the gun and mistreat someone. A victim of any type of abuse should not have to go through bullying! People should try to show some compassion instead. If they don't believe the story they can choose to move on instead of saying something abusive. There are many who go through worse forms of abuse everyday and they hope to find strength in people like you who can come out and tell them that, 'it's going to be alright and they will find the way to move forward with their lives.' I think you don't need to prove anything else. This isnt a courtroom and the bullies just need to realize that they don't have a place here!
Read my comments, you will hopefully see they were not abusive at all.
It's simply that Laura defines abusive as "not agreeing with me".
My first comment to one of her threads was to user "krypto" who had replied within the same minute to one of her posts calling him out on not reading her post, and the weirdest thing was that she instantly took it on herself to reply to it and take it in a negative light. I hadn't even directed anything to her and she still stood up instantly. Either "krypto" is her other account and she didn't notice which one she was posting with, or she just really wants her posts to do well and couldn't take the slightest criticism, which wasn't even directed at her in the first place. But after that my comments were directed to her BS in the future posts.
Don't you guys have better things to do than making others' and you own life miserable? If you don't like something on the internet, ignore it. How hard can that be?
And no, I'm not talking to laura. It's her post, what's your business here? Showing off how cool you are, and how vulnerable she is? Big big boys you are.
Please read the examole stories she posted. If you have any proper english skills, and your brain can recognize patterns, you will notice all are made up from the same person. It really doesn't take a genius to figure it out.
I'm starting to think she may have some multiple personality disorder or something.
Victim to victorious. This is a powerful post and I hope the conversation keeps going. Glad to see so many similar experiences recounted in one place. I don't know why the common assumption is that you only get raped once.
https://girlsglobe.org/2015/08/04/the-repetition-compulsion-why-rape-victims-are-more-likely-to-be-assaulted-again/
If only ignorant people that viciously attack victims had the intellect and empathy to look further into this and read articles like the one above and try to understand how damaged a victim becomes before assaulting a victim verbally. But, then again, I am writing for the victims out there not the sociopaths that side with rapists. Thanks for that article!
You have a very, very low bar for what constitutes "assaulting verbally".
Also, yay fallacies - just because I disagree with you, I support rapists.
She is taking it to a whole new level now.
Also you gotta love the downvotes to silence free speech on a decentralized platform.
You know what? There is a difference between having been the victim of abuse and being constantly a victim of abuse. I was abused too, when I wake up in the morning I am just a regular person. People don't need to be careful of what they say around me. I certainly don't expect to be pedestalized. It is not who I am, it is something that happened to me. I hope you see my point
Spot on.
Which she is obviously being a total opposite about. I am not sure about you, but I have unfortunately happened to read most of her stories. i have never seen anyone broadcast rape stories as much as she has and actually been a rape victim. Don't forgey that most rapes don't even get out cause the victim is too confilcted or scared or shamed or whatever else.
Here its like you get rape stories fed at you with a "oh well this is for the people who get raped, hope my stories helped."
Next thread: "I used to be such a slut, etc etc."
Its disgusting.