Dealing with the need for perfection
Today I have decided to talk about a bit of a tough topic. I am sure many of you feel or have felt this way and some of you might not even be aware of it until I mention it now. Others, and good for you if you don't get in your own way may not be able to relate to this at all. For the people who can though, I will be talking about a particular topic that is not often discussed.
The Need for Perfection
Why is this need, the need for perfection a bad thing?
Well first off I am obviously not talking about the want or desire to do better, or improve, or even succeed and achieve things, I am talking about the NEED inside of you to be perfect at something and it holds you back. This need that has a little voice in your head silently or not telling you that you are being judged. That you cannot do what you want to do or dream of doing because you are not good enough. You are not perfect enough. You don't deserve it for whatever reason you have made up in your mind. Often times these feelings and thoughts come around because you are scared of something.
Fear can be tied to the need to perfection
Often times the reason we put ourselves up to such high, unattainable standards is that deep down we are scared. We are self-conscious, we are scared of failing, we are scared of being judged and possibly even believe that us being seen as perfect to others as good or great at things is what our self-worth is all about. That their opinions matter the most. I'm here to tell you that they DO NOT.
I have lived part of my life shackled by this need
I have shared with you a few times now that I lived a different life than the one I thought growing up I wanted. I thought as a teenager I wanted to be on stage acting and singing. I knew at least I wanted to sing. Yet, I took no steps, not a one to get better. I never asked for help nor really took help and initiative to improve my skill, my range, anything. It is a what I thought was my dream and put it on the back seat to never be remembered. I also started doing videos related to gaming some 6 or 7 years ago, and I loved that topic and I thought Hey this is pretty cool, but yet I was too scared of being judged, or not having enough to say, in other words needing to be perfect, that it never went anywhere. I did the same with writing. I started around the same time writing fiction and I took a fiction class and writing articles on K-pop, but it never went further. I look back at all those things and realize if I would've just put these needs of perfection, instead of my self-consciousness of thinking since I wasn't perfect or as knowledgeable as I "SHOULD" be, that I should not go forward.
I don't live in the past, and although some of those things haunted me for a while, I'm over it. I am doing them all now for the most part, even if they are in different avenues and different ways. I notice myself everytime I sing that sometimes I take it too seriously and have too many expectations on myself, so I learned to just go with the flow and be me. I write, not to be perfect but to practice and share stories that come to mind, and I do it for me not others. I do videos because it was a fear of mine and I wanted to, NO, NEEDED TO, conquer that fear. So here I am.
To anyone who deals with this need of perfection, you are not alone
That's right. You are not alone. There are many and many of us who deal with this. We deal with this negative need for perfection that has stopped us from doing things, that may still do so. You are not alone. If this feels like you, or someone you know, or even if it is kind of agitating you (then you probably do and didn't know it), then that is okay, you can get through this. It is all up to you.
How do you move on and lessen this need?
That takes practice. The best advice I can give on this is to listen to yourself. Notice the moments you get nervous. Notice the moments that you get tense when you mess up. Listen to what you are saying to yourself in your head, and change that talk. Ask yourself questions like these:
- Am I doing this for me?
- Am I scared of this or who will see me like this?
- Am I proud of the fact that I am trying?
- Does my opinion matter the most or does someone else's?
- Who is the only one who can be in my mind?
- Why am I being so hard on myself?
- Are these expectations too high?
- Would I expect someone else to meet these expectations I have for myself?
- Am I afraid of failing?
- Do I love myself?
These are all questions that can you get thinking and being aware of your thoughts. The answers to those and more will get you started on really looking within and evaluating where your head is at. But honestly, the best thing I can say to do is...
Is there anything that you have a NEED TO BE PERFECT with? Has it affected your life in any way?
I hope you enjoyed my post and video. Thanks so much for reading, and watching if you did.
And as always...Stay Awesome Steemians!
Don't forget to check out my Art Contest
By @bearone
I blame Mary Poppins. What the heck is that, a measuring tape that says "perfect in every way." How do we live up to it?
I like your comment. It did make me laugh. And honestly yes we pretty much do give ourselves that measuring tape with no end in sight to live up to, it's impossible to do so. Thanks for the laugh :)
:-). Plus we're artists. It's ingrained in us to make things just right
:)
NOM NOM!
Excellent.
This is actually some astounding work! Followed
Thank you
I, too, have this old habit of (sometimes still) being impaired by holding myself to high standards of perfection. I recently learned there is an expression for it: analysis paralysis.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis
I do suppose that could be one way of saying it as well. It is also just the fact of being way to hard on oneself.
Really fantastic post.
Thank you.
Excellent post and one I can relate to it used to be in many areas of my life but I have improved in some areas but not with my photography I am still hard and critical on myself which in some ways is a good way keeps me striving to improve
Often I edit a photo one night and look at it the next morning only to delete it and start again
Well, I am glad to see that you have allowed it to strive to improve, that is definitely the point to get to as it does help us succeed. The being too critical to a point where you freeze is the problem and sometimes people have a tough time making that transition. It is awesome you are doing so well. As you know I love your photography and I bet even though you scrap your pictures you did the previous night that others would think they were beauitfully edited.
Yes I am lucky and appreciate that
Getting frozen because of it is so hard I was like that and somehow fell out of it well no thinking about it my wife gave me the support and her confidence in me helped me
Stay strong
I'm the same way, especially with my hip hop and writing. I proofread them like 6 or 7 times, and then read it again after it's posted several times. I'm not perfect and that is one thing I detest about myself. But I'm always getting better ;)
I love this comment. Thanks for being awesome and sharing that, and yes just the fact you are aware of it puts you light-years above others. You will always do well with this mentality. :)
Thanks doll. Been that way ever since I can remember. I think the realization set in when I was in my early teens and it was HARD to deal with.
I can relate to that..I have had this most of my life but honestly didn't really realize it until maybe the last few months. I had a conversation with my husband about something and he made a comment and it all clicked instantaneously and I haven't been the same since :) In the early teens I can only imagine how hard that is, but at least it was early enough for you to start "pushing that envelope" a bit so to say. Good for you.
Great..!
Good video @topkpop - and good positive article - upvoted
Thank you very much.
You're welcome @topkpop - I posted a video today of a boat trip where my daughter performed in Cyprus