A Great Man Behind the Boat

"Memories are powerful things. It can affect our lives even in the most recent days."

As I took my camera to have a Photowalk in a long beachfront, something caught my attention. I focused my lens and suddenly, I felt something warm across my cheeks. I did not expect it, but it just happened, it was a teardrop. I wiped it with my hand, but it continued to drop. Then, I saw a familiar face, standing behind the boat, smiling. I closed my eyes, then I checked the camera. I wanted to focus the man beside the boat, but he was gone. I turned around to see if he was just walking away, but there was no one. Am I imagining again? Then, I felt something warm behind my back, it was like someone hugged me. Suddenly, I remember a familiar gesture, it was grandpa.

My grandfather was a fisherman. He used to have a number of boats like this. I can still recall our excitement everytime he arrived from fishing, with a big fish in his bucket. He was a wise man, with a decent personality. He was not able to continue his school when World War II was declared in the Philippine. But, even he did not finish his school, he was a genius. My mother was able to graduate in college because of his hard work, a fisherman with an entrepreneur skills. He was able to build a small business, a trading. When his wife died at the age of 57 because of Breast Cancer, he remained strong for his only daughter, my mother.

There were a lot of good things about my grandpa. We are living in his house with him since we were kids, we knew him so well. One thing I really admired about him was his generosity, kind-hearted and patience. I cannot recall that he said NO everytime someone came to him and asked for help. I cannot recall a moment that he said any bad words to anyone. He always stays calm, even in the worst situation. That is why, I am proud to be one of his grandchildren. He had a good sense of humor and we used to laugh so badly, everytime he shared his jokes. He used to be our tutor in Mathematics and Science, which I considered as our bonding moment with him everyday. He stops fishing on his 40s because my mother asked him. He just focused to help my parents in their business, since then.

He was one of a kind and a very strong man. I can still remember everytime he got ill, he doesn't want to consult any doctor. He will just say, "I am ok, we can manage it here." Well, he is a bit of a health conscious person, he monitored his diet. But, before Yolanda hit the Philippines, we brought him in the hospital for 10 days. Since I am a nurse, I personally took good care of him. There were times that I can't avoid to shed tears when I looked at him, having all the tubes connected with his body. But, he still managed to smile and make a joke. After 3 months, he was admitted again for 4 days. Those were the days that I am starting to have a fear, fear of losing him. Since then, when I leave for work for a couple of weeks, a feeling of guilt will always with me when I can't pay him a visit.

One day, something happened unexpectedly. I broke into pieces by someone. This leads me to search and was not able to go home for a long time. He was getting old, at 88 years. My mother told me that he keeps on asking for us, his grandchildren. After 1 month, I decided to go home. When I saw him, he was lying in his bed, in pain, but still managed to smile at me. I kissed over his head and hugged him tightly. I told him that he should be brought into the hospital. But deep inside of me is hurting, I don't want to see him in those tubes again. My grandpa was hesitant to answer, I knew that he doesn't want to be in a hospital again. I stayed there for four days and had a closer watch on him. On the fifth day, I asked his permission because I need to work, but I promised to be back on the following day. I told him to wait for me. I kissed and hugged him, while whispering in his ear how much I love him. Then we waved to each other and smiled. I left the house at 6am. I asked my nephew to come with me and bought some medicine for grandpa. As I travel, I cannot control my tears to keep from falling. It was very hard for me to leave him, even just for a day. All day long, I never failed to follow up his condition. I smiled when my mother told me that he was able to get up from bed and he doesn't complain of pain anymore, after he took the medicine that was prescribed by the doctor for him. I was able to breathe after, hearing these words from my mother on the phone. I cannot wait to see him again.

Later that day, in my way home to my apartment, I received a call. In my excitement, I answered it with a big smile. Nobody talks, it was just a soft cry. Suddenly, I felt numb when a voice told me, "Your Grandpa is gone." I was shocked. Then, I dropped the phone and sobbed. I can't even remember how I opened the door, all I knew is that I am crying and my heart was full of pain. My mother called me informing that he sent a driver to pick me up.

When I arrived, everyone was looking at me. I rushed to the room where my grandpa's body was lying and I hugged him so tight. I can't still believe its happening. My mind was still hoping for a miracle. I checked his pulse, his breathing, his body temperature and even his eyes. I shouted his name so many times, with tears keep falling down in my cheeks. But he was not responding, he was not smiling. My mother hugged me and comforted me, but the guilt feeling was all over me. I hoped I just forced him to visit the hospital, he might still alive.I wished I did not leave him earlier that day, I might could do a CPR to revive him.

That day, I lost someone who brought so much inspiration in my life. A man who is not just a grandfather to me, but also my mentor and my number one fan. It has been two years since he passed away. There are many times that I keep on asking myself, do I need to feel this guilt? Because it still haunts me, until now.

Maybe it is one of the reasons why I love to see this view. It reminds me of a great man who inspires me to be at my best, in every decision I will take. I miss you, Grandpa.😙

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It was quite depressing, but life has to move on. The journey of our life is like sailing in the ocean , it is not always a smooth one. But, we must know how to handle the waves that we will encounter.

My fellow steemians, thank you for taking your time in reading this. :)

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