Tears.

I've read posts about teardrops by @suprassinggoogle and that inspired me to share a part of my story

#teardrops for me doesnt mean you're weak, I find tears as strength. Because tears help you move on, whenever you cry your chest just feels lighter and atleast for a bit you'll feel better, in some weird way tears make you feel like everything's gonna be okay and it somewhat gives you the hope that you'll survive tomorrow, next week, next month and so forth.
I've had so many ups and downs in my life, my life story is not that typical happy go lucky kind. But this story revolves on something that happened not long ago, it was the time I lost my bestfriend. By lost I don't mean he died Lol.

So I'll start
I had a bestfriend that I've known for more than 15 years, he was like the brother i've never had, I was alot more open and closer to him than my own family
We would always hang out, always have sleepovers, everywhere my family goes he's always there.
I would always reserve a seat next to me at the back of the car for him.
I've trusted him more than anyone else and the friendship was something I would never want to lose.
Until the dark days came when we had problems and couldn't understand each other anymore, we would always fight and ignore each other, I've felt that he's slowly changing, and I'm slowly losing him. I tried my best to reach out and fix the problem but idk maybe pride and immaturity got in the way. I still remember the exact date when I felt like our friendship was cut off entirely.

I was so down and started to get depression ( I used to have depression and got over it then came the second round Lol) it gave me sleepless nights, tireless mornings, and sapped my energy and joy,it even drained my appetite Lol. I would wake up asking myself, why? Of all the people I could lose why him? Those times sucked because anxiety + depression? I think you guys can do the math. Whenever the old memories would pass me by, my eyes would always swell up tears.
There are nights I would sit down in my balcony with my pillow and just let the tears flow, I feel like whenever I cry I forget the pain.

I watched as the the stars and the moon lit up my dark nights, and just let the wind sing me their lullabyes, and wait til sleep passes me by.
The thing that hurt me the most was everytime I see him, its like nothing happened and he was okay with it. Those moments were like thousands of swords stabbing me. I couldnt believe that those years of friendship meant nothing to him. I felt like garbage that was tossed in the bin, unimportant and useless.
Countless times I would say hi and he would act like I wasn't even there. I would apologize so many times I lost count (even tho we both made mistakes) I would toss my pride infront of him while I crush it and would sincerely apologize. But it did nothing.

Everytime I see him tears would gather up my eyes as I try my best to stop it.
As those times passed by, my heart starter to lose its pieces little by little.
After two long years, I finally moved on.
I went outside my comfortzone and built friendships with new people, slowly but surely I was starting to forget about what happened. It was as if for two long years I felt like I was on the deepest part of the ocean all tied up by chains of memories, screaming and trying to find a way to reach the surface just to see my airbubbles pop halfway, it felt as if there's no way I could escape, until something lifted me up and broke those chains that binded me.
One of the things that helped me was the verse on Isaiah 41:10 that says- Do not be afraid, for I am with you.Do not be anxious, for I am your God.I will fortify you, yes, I will help you,I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’
While reading this tears just flowed right out of my eyes uncontrollably. I've kept those words in my heart and mind.
And after all those struggles I found the strength and courage to face those fears, hurt,and insecurities head on.
And after a while I don't remember how (honestly speaking I really don't remember the specifics) in some weird ways and weird circumstances me and my bestfriend started talking again and somewhere down the road became friends again. The first time we talked again I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes, and this time it was tears of joy, I was so happy, that finally I was getting my old bestfriend back, it felt like a large thorn was pulled out from my chest.

I guess the old friendship and closeness is not the same for now but who knows,maybe, just maybe we could bring it back. Only time will tell. And because as of now we're atleast more mature than before, maybe we can, together, again mend those broken pieces. As I reminisce those times, I am so thankful that I didn't give up, thankful for the tears, the people who stayed with me even tho seeing my dark side, specially to Jehovah for Giving me the strength to go on.

If you've ever had a bestfriend who was more than family to you I'm pretty sure you can relate 😀

Aaaaaaaaand the end!
The story ends there😂 ( who knows if it'll have another sequel lol)
Anyways thanks for reading!
I hope you guys liked it (the drama)
Until next time folks!
Please tune in next time!
Photo creds from pixabay and pinterest
Sayonara!

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