@phoenixwren, there are days where I often ask myself 'what in the hell am I doing?' I am the same as you as I often reflect on the bliss of ignorance and how my life would be very different if I had not been exposed to all these issues that plague the world.

Our paths have not been easy. The amount of work that is required to grow as an individual is tough. So where is the joy? I find the joy in the moments where I can be out in nature, the peace and quiet, time spent with my wife, the simple moments in life that shows me how precious it all is.

I don't know what brings you joy, but I encourage you to spend time to find it. Nobody can do that for you and I know it is within you, somewhere. I pray that you find it so that it can help you out. May Creator bless you along your journey. I am here if you want to chat more.