RE: The process I took to learn how to mourn
@wwf this one hits close to home, not because I struggle with mourning, but precisely because I haven't been able to open myself up and feel the pain of loss, to feel that missing piece when someone passes. All my life I haven't gotten how people can feel such sorrow, I think it is because I shut myself off to it.
I literally had no idea what the big deal was when somebody passed away. I could not grasp the concept because I refused to get emotionally attached to anybody. My feelings were hidden away and not allowed to be expressed, however they were masked with anger and frustration.
I could have wrote this (If I was more eloquent.) My grandfather just passed last year, he was a special figure in my life, but I didn't really mourn, I didn't feel overly sad, and I'm not sure if it's because I feel that that is how life is, we are all on our way to death. But really, I've never felt overly sad when people in my life pass.
Like I said in your last post, I'm working on being vulnerable. I'm on my way to embracing these deeper feelings, and I do know sadness and empathy, I do feel hurt and loss when I see others hurting, but when it comes to myself and my own feelings I have work to do to let myself feel those feelings.
Thank you for approaching these difficult subjects with the community.
maybe that means struggling with mourning... poor wording*
My friend, I am impressed with how open you have been in regards to your own struggles. To me this shows a very high willingness to learn which means you are ready! Not many people are willing to look in the mirror and confront what they see. I applaud you for not only being willing but also able to do that level of self reflection and surrender to the process of learning and changing. I pray you have people around you who can support you through this process. You will change and be a different man when you are done. I look forward to witnessing a transformation! <3 Peace to you.
A lot of transformation has already happened, there's a line in this song I like:
I feel like over the past few years I've changed quite a bit internally. Like I told you, I'm working on being vulnerable, and it's partly because I need to to be who I want to be, my true self. My girlfriend and I ended up pregnant after two weeks of knowing eachother, and it's been a struggle to find common ground at times, we've had ups and downs, but she is my mirror, and the more work I put in with her and my family, the more rewarding it is. She is my mirror, she's not afraid to point out my flaws and has been a powerful force in lovingly transforming me.
I used to be quite selfish, feeling that I knew more than those around me, but life has shown me I don't know much of anything, it's shown me to start listening and to meet my challenges even if I fear them. I'm still a work in progress, but like you said, I'm willing to take that hard look at my flaws instead of pretending they aren't there like I used to.
Thank you for your kind words, and again for the blog, I get something out of the majority of your posts and love the fact that we can have conversations about difficult topics without judgement.
Much love good sir
I applaud your efforts. I've found out in my life that the more I learn the less I know. The universe keeps opening up and revealing just how little I know. lol. So I have a feeling this is a life long journey and as we master certain aspects of who we are, more will be revealed. It is like finding Easter eggs in a computer game. Life is full of them. Enjoy the journey. Lots of Easter Eggs to find! <3