Oh my goodness! It is like you are following my thought processes in this post lol I have been spending even more time outdoors recently due to physical illness and emotional instability. I recognised that instead of going to the dr's and them putting me on antidepressants (again) that I just needed to allow my body to work through it naturally and that I would come out the other side somehow changed and hopefully for the better. Yesterday I sat in my yard (I live in the woods, so I am lucky to be able to gaze out into the trees whenever I choose) and I realised I was listening to the trees communicating with me...not the rustling of the leaves, but I actually felt they were telling me something! Some people will think I am crazy, but I know you will understand what I mean by this. I felt as though they were telling me to stop and look at what life is actually about. Why do we as a species strive to change our environments constantly and we are never happy with just 'being', we always think we need to do more or achieve more etc. I realised the trees were angry with me but accepting, even though my house was built on their land and trees had probably been cut down to make room for my dwelling. There is a lone Horse Chestnut tree that looks over at my yard and I suddenly felt overwhelmed at the fact that I knew the other chestnut trees that he had created or had been created by from hundreds of years of existing, had been cut down to make room for my house as he had so many conkers on the tree that would have grown if left to their own devices. I asked for forgiveness and felt acceptance and understanding, but I feel so much smaller now realising that we take and don't give back. This is a bizarre feeling and even though I have read so many texts about such issues, to feel this communication direct from the source was overwhelming.
Besides the revelation and strange feeling of communication, I have also realised that all the energy from the trees is spent by growing and providing energy for it's seeds and shelter for the animals that reside there. It is healthy because it has all it needs, sunshine, rain and nourishment from the ground. It doesn't want more or need more.
I realise I am rambling now lol so apologies for that, but i haven't spoken about this to anyone as nobody would understand what I am trying to say, they will just take me back to the doctor and tell me I need drugs again. But I am actually better, not sicker... I am becoming more aware and it is emotional. My body is healing from the physical illnesses and I believe this is from doing nothing, just existing in nature! Much love to you and Carey <3