ULog #7 - False Hope

Life. Don't we all just hate but love it? I am merely 37 years old. Merely does not make me look any younger. It gives me the notion that I can still live another few hundred years. What the mind conceives, it can achieve, right?

Look at Melchizedek. He is real and he probably is still alive. I might want to be the next Melchizedek if that is even possible.

I come across people and I am friendly with them. But they are not friendly back. There is nothing I can do to make it any better. If I want to be a friend and they don't reciprocate, I shouldn't feel bad in anyway. That just makes me feel bad. I should just wish them well and let them go.

I just started Life 7.0 or something like that. I already lost touch with how many versions of my life I have been through. I probably want to go through my history and determine the version I am currently in. But that will take a lot of time and at this moment, I do not think I have the time!

The last version of life, I was always thinking about money money and money. Putting together plans that never materialise. It's just a non stop battle of saying that I will work 18 hours a day. When I fail, I up the ante. I say I'll work 20 hours and strive to make it happen every single day.

Then I cannot do such a thing for more than 2 days and I go into a deep depression. I'd be out for weeks.

Then I'm back all fired up. Then think that yes I can do it again, not knowing that I am not going to be able to sustain 20 hour days for more than 1 day or 2.

I keep banging the wall in the hope that I can break it down. It is an illusion. There is no way I can bring down the wall. That is 'false hope'. That is dangerous because when you have such an illusion that things will get better it will not go way unless somehow you realise that it will never work.

Take the gambler for example. They have so much hope that the next bet will be the big jackpot. So if I were to spend 100,000 dollars but win back a few million bucks, that justifies the whole investment.

That my friend is false hope.

Luckily, today, I change my whole life. I'm turning it upside down.

I acknowledge I need rest. I acknowledge that I can work a finite number of hours every day. I'm keeping work on a daily basis, putting in the hours, focusing on the work and not the money.

I feel that I have been living in an illusion for the past 10 years or more.

Finally, I have opened my eyes and know that I can still have a good and long life.

This year, I am 37. But life has just begun.

Life is renewed this 24 October 2018.

If it is any consolation.

There is never a time when it is too late.

Colonel Sanders started late. That's what I read. People can get a PhD at 60.

Hey... I'm younger than all these guys.

At least that's another consolation.

Right now, I have a dream, I have a goal and I will just have to put in the work, pray really hard and hope luck is on my side,

BoA is not real. TV people are not real.

I'll live.