In those few, precious moments away from my work, the last thing I want to do is...well...this.

I can so relate to that. Still though, in the silence of your absence I missed you and said words of hope and we'll being in my head. I also understand the sense of time being not poured out of a bottle but more like a torrent waiting to be downloaded in a flash. If Amy advice I might have, see @jaynie and practice life with a sense of gratefulness. Live it. Live it well.